1. It makes you look disinterested
This is probably the biggest reason why people quickly drop those who play hard to get. The chase might be fun for a short while, but the more you play hard to get, the more likely it is that the other person will start interpreting it as disinterest. Because, let’s face it, taking ages to reply to a text or ignoring one completely, not returning calls, not making eye contact, not making an effort to talk, are all huge signs of disinterest. It doesn’t matter if you feel differently on the inside, because if you don’t show it on the outside, the other person will never know or understand your intentions. They are not a mind reader. Hence, they will move on from you once they think that they just don’t have a chance and you’ve been showing all these signs that point to you wanting to be left alone.
2. It’s not a good way to judge if someone is ”worthy” or a good person
You know how you should judge if someone is worthy of your time, or a good person? By actually getting to know them. By asking them questions, showing interest in them and being attentive of their behavior and what they like and dislike. Basically the opposite of playing hard to get and barely communicating with them. If you keep ignoring them or only half-heartedly engage in short conversations with them, you’ll never actually get to know them or understand what their personality is like. They won’t get a chance to show you whether they’re great or bad. You won’t have enough information about them to make that assessment, and how hard someone chases after you does not at all indicate whether they’re a good person or not.
3. If they’re just in it for the chase, you’ll end up heartbroken
Although most people don’t find it attractive when someone plays hard to get, there are a few that do. These are the people who see it as a competition. They don’t see you as a valuable person that they want to get to know, they see you as a prize that they can win if they try hard enough. And once they have you? They’ll be bored. They’ll be looking for another chase and another high. They weren’t really interested in you because they think you’re genuinely an interesting person, they just wanted to prove to themselves that they could to win you over. Once they have you, there’s no reason for them to stay interested, because their interest was only in the chase. You'll have effectively screwed yourself over for thinking that someone chasing you = them being a good person worthy of your time.
Some tips and tricks for those who play hard to get:
- Don’t. You’re just coming off as cold and disinterested. Quite frankly it makes you seem boring. Why would anyone want to get to know someone who seemingly has zero redeeming qualities? You shouldn't have to pretend like you're more interesting by faking disinterest. You should be interesting enough when you're being yourself.
- There’s nothing wrong with showing interest or wanting to talk to someone. It doesn’t make you look vulnerable or weak. It makes you look interesting, easy-going, fun and attractive.
- Stop stressing over who should be texting whom first and trying to turn dating into some mathematical problem or video game. Once you start treating it as you just wanting to get to know another person, you’ll instantly understand how easy dating actually is. Don’t make it so hard for yourself by over-analyzing every single detail or by trying to calculate every single move. Learn how to let go and just go with the flow.
- There’s no such thing as being “too easy” when we’re talking about simply making your interest known and actively putting effort into getting to know someone. If that person doesn’t want to be with you because you were “too easy” to get, then they never even wanted to be with you for you - they wanted the chase. That’s the kind of person you should stay far away from anyway.
- Although showing your interest might be scary because you’re not 100% sure if the other person will reciprocate, I’d argue that being upfront and getting rejected is ALWAYS better than tip-toeing and beating around the bush for so long that nothing comes out of it. Then you’re just left wondering what happened and why it didn’t work out. In the latter scenario you’ll be plagued by “what ifs” for a really long time, whereas in the first scenario, the rejection will sting for a bit, but at least there are no loose ends and you can start moving on.
- Try to see it as making friends. Would you make your friends jump through hoops to prove that they’re worthy? Would you ignore your friends just to make it seem like you’re important and cool? Would you always have your friends be the ones who contact you, instead of splitting the effort 50/50? Probably not. Then ask yourself, why would you treat a potential partner in that way? If you treated your friends like that, then you’d quickly be labeled a bad friend. But why is it somehow perfectly ok to treat someone you’re dating (or interested in dating) like that?