Reasons Why Playing Hard To Get Is The Dumbest Thing You Could Do

1. It makes you look disinterested

This is probably the biggest reason why people quickly drop those who play hard to get. The chase might be fun for a short while, but the more you play hard to get, the more likely it is that the other person will start interpreting it as disinterest. Because, let’s face it, taking ages to reply to a text or ignoring one completely, not returning calls, not making eye contact, not making an effort to talk, are all huge signs of disinterest. It doesn’t matter if you feel differently on the inside, because if you don’t show it on the outside, the other person will never know or understand your intentions. They are not a mind reader. Hence, they will move on from you once they think that they just don’t have a chance and you’ve been showing all these signs that point to you wanting to be left alone.
Reasons Why Playing Hard To Get Is The Dumbest Thing You Could Do

2. It’s not a good way to judge if someone is ”worthy” or a good person

You know how you should judge if someone is worthy of your time, or a good person? By actually getting to know them. By asking them questions, showing interest in them and being attentive of their behavior and what they like and dislike. Basically the opposite of playing hard to get and barely communicating with them. If you keep ignoring them or only half-heartedly engage in short conversations with them, you’ll never actually get to know them or understand what their personality is like. They won’t get a chance to show you whether they’re great or bad. You won’t have enough information about them to make that assessment, and how hard someone chases after you does not at all indicate whether they’re a good person or not.

3. If they’re just in it for the chase, you’ll end up heartbroken

Although most people don’t find it attractive when someone plays hard to get, there are a few that do. These are the people who see it as a competition. They don’t see you as a valuable person that they want to get to know, they see you as a prize that they can win if they try hard enough. And once they have you? They’ll be bored. They’ll be looking for another chase and another high. They weren’t really interested in you because they think you’re genuinely an interesting person, they just wanted to prove to themselves that they could to win you over. Once they have you, there’s no reason for them to stay interested, because their interest was only in the chase. You'll have effectively screwed yourself over for thinking that someone chasing you = them being a good person worthy of your time.


Some tips and tricks for those who play hard to get:

- Don’t. You’re just coming off as cold and disinterested. Quite frankly it makes you seem boring. Why would anyone want to get to know someone who seemingly has zero redeeming qualities? You shouldn't have to pretend like you're more interesting by faking disinterest. You should be interesting enough when you're being yourself.

- There’s nothing wrong with showing interest or wanting to talk to someone. It doesn’t make you look vulnerable or weak. It makes you look interesting, easy-going, fun and attractive.

- Stop stressing over who should be texting whom first and trying to turn dating into some mathematical problem or video game. Once you start treating it as you just wanting to get to know another person, you’ll instantly understand how easy dating actually is. Don’t make it so hard for yourself by over-analyzing every single detail or by trying to calculate every single move. Learn how to let go and just go with the flow.

- There’s no such thing as being “too easy” when we’re talking about simply making your interest known and actively putting effort into getting to know someone. If that person doesn’t want to be with you because you were “too easy” to get, then they never even wanted to be with you for you - they wanted the chase. That’s the kind of person you should stay far away from anyway.

- Although showing your interest might be scary because you’re not 100% sure if the other person will reciprocate, I’d argue that being upfront and getting rejected is ALWAYS better than tip-toeing and beating around the bush for so long that nothing comes out of it. Then you’re just left wondering what happened and why it didn’t work out. In the latter scenario you’ll be plagued by “what ifs” for a really long time, whereas in the first scenario, the rejection will sting for a bit, but at least there are no loose ends and you can start moving on.

- Try to see it as making friends. Would you make your friends jump through hoops to prove that they’re worthy? Would you ignore your friends just to make it seem like you’re important and cool? Would you always have your friends be the ones who contact you, instead of splitting the effort 50/50? Probably not. Then ask yourself, why would you treat a potential partner in that way? If you treated your friends like that, then you’d quickly be labeled a bad friend. But why is it somehow perfectly ok to treat someone you’re dating (or interested in dating) like that?


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What Guys Said 68

  • I try to condemn game playing in relationships whenever the opportunity arises.

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  • Whenever you "play" at anything in a relationship, it is counterproductive. At what point is it safe to be yourself and hope that you are accepted? Being earnest is always a good plan.
    ~JSmith

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    • I agree 100%. If you play from day one, you’ll have a hard time stopping.

  • People who genuinely play hard to get are arrogant af.
    However, I feel like playing hard to get and being shy are very easily and sometimes intentionally mixed up. Someone who is just shy like say a guy could tell his friends that he likes to play hard to get to cover the fact that he is insecure about his shyness.

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  • Wonderful mytake! I'm a firm believer that if people are trying to play games with you then they aren't worth your time. If two people really want to be together they will communicate that clearly and have as little tension between them in the dates to come.

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  • I don't play hard to get; I just don't try because I don't have to. Sometimes a girl just shows up at my place and if I am too tired she can sleep there but I need to sleep. I wouldn't call that playing a game would you? Others, hint they want me, ask me out, and most of the time I respond and we have a good time but if I am not interested that is just the way it goes.

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  • Correct , & great take. It will backfire more if it is female to male silly game playing , the more logical male mind will process " hard to get " as " not interested , don't waste time / effort on her " , even if she admitted being keen later... too late , it is a sign of immaturity... and she has disqualified herself !! These dating " rules " , such as waiting a generic 3 days to call / call back , are equally stupid , not clearly stating intentions does come across as insecure.

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    • Yep, even if you are wanting a relationship, you can still say you want it while also saying you want to get to know the person first.

  • Yet another reason why I'm currently single after moving to this conservative city 3 years ago. So many old stupid rules, such as playing hard to get. I am NOT one for playing bullshit games.

    I think I need to start visiting the city that is just an hour south of me and is said to be much more liberal.

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  • Had a girl show loads of interest in person, started showing up outside my class to see me (although not directly stated but she was). Then, when I text her, she's cold. 1 reply and then no reply.

    Basically, all I'll do is not text and won't see her. I'm too attractive to play games like that lol. Not interested.

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  • YIPEE...

    FOUND THE IRL INSPIRATION OF YOUR DP

    instagram.fbom1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/.../...79296_n.mp4

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  • Nice take!
    It's no wonder that such a large number of the world population feels lonely and depressed when so many people play hard to get and mind games in general.
    Its counterproductive behaviour and from my experience playing hard to get makes you end up losing the person who is interested in you if you take it too far.

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  • Good attitude there. I always say, 'just be genuine'. And guys aren't very good at reading between the lines - that is woman territory, they are masters at innuendo and nuance. The guys? Not so much. If you don't make things painfully obvious they just don't get it. And then we hear 'well why did he do (or say) that?', and 'why doesn't he get it?', 'why didn't he call me again?'

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  • be "hard to get" and I'll jump right to the next prey.

    honestly playing hard to get is always been poorly done.
    hard to get doesn't mean all of it. hard to get includes a lot of flirting and showing interest, glances, compliments and in return being distanced for a while then coming back with the next storm of hints.

    girls who try that keep staring, then ignoring you and act all bitchy when you ask them what's going on. like bitch u ain't serious

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  • Thanks for this. Chasing a girl who plays mind games is just a waste of time and energy. It's totally unnecessary. When I was younger I was drawn to it, but as I get older it seems like both men and women are more direct in what they want and don't tolerate that "hard to get" BS.

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  • Of course it is, but most girls have this idea that they have to be desired or shown how much they are worth to a certain guy.

    Whatever the purpose, it's stupid

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  • I'd bet some people actually do play hard to get buuuut some people it may only look that way. I for example have been asked why I (as a guy) play hard to get.. I don't. I just assume no female is interested in me like that.

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    • I second that. I'm clueless when it comes to flirting. I've been once or twice accused of leading someone on when I just had normal conversation with a girl.

    • @SixFeetOfMan This could be why some people may appear "hard to get" but i doubt its every case

  • Well written indeed.

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  • To each their own, I suppose. I don't play games and I certainly don't have time to chase after some self proclaimed princess. I prefer transparency in that regard.

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  • I guess i should stop ignoring this girl at work that keeps showing off that she's this and that and has mentioned that she has a boyfriend and what not. I also don't agree with this take for some parts. Becoming too available to a woman comes across as being desperate even if its not the intention. I do play hard to get only with women who were at first warm with and now acting cold and ignoring me.

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    • I wasn’t encouraging being ”too available” because I associate that with spamming someone, constantly asking them if they want to hang out and not giving them their personal space, as well as showing that you don’t have other things going on for you in your life. I never said that swinging from one extreme (hard to get) to another (being too available or clingy) is recommended. Just that open communication and honesty is.

  • Can this please be mandatory for women to read and internalize?

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    • Men too. This applies to anyone who plays games. And although there might be more women who do this, I think men who play games can gain just as much from this take. ☺️ It’s why I kept it gender neutral.

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    • In my personal experience, men who play hard to get tend to be the very manipulative type. They seek out insecure girls who will chase them hard, because these insecure girls thrive on validation and will crave it once there's a guy who plays mind games like that. They like having girls in the palm of their hand.

    • Yeah similar with girls like that as well

  • Completely true,
    It might have made sense back in baby boomer times when they were all very open about liking each other - so you could then get a bit of extra attention by being demanding,
    Now it just comes across as someone with issues or heavily insecure

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What Girls Said 29

  • People that play games are immature and not ready for relationships.

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    • Yeah this happened to me several years ago. A lady turned me down for a date and then later acted upset that I didn't pursue it harder. I'm sorry but if someone comes across as "not interested", I'm not going to spend the time and potential rejection pursuing her. Yeah games ARE immature. There is too much at stake and the other person isn't likely to "get it" with the games.

    • @ArrowheadSW ridiculous. If she wanted you as bad as she says then she would of been straight up about it. And now missed her chance. I don’t understand the games people play. The same thing happens to me too. Except he only did all these games because he was scared but portrayed himself as a player to look cool in front of his friends. when he was no where like that. He was an emotional, crying loving man but didn’t want to show it but play. But then he suddenly was trying to get me back. And that ruined his chance

  • you don't have to play hard to get but its good to maintain boundaries and independence in order to intensify a guy's loyalty and commitment to you. Everybody wants somebody out of their league and the best way to have somebody believe you are too good for them is to be hard to get. That doesn't mean you ignore them or tell them you don't like them but it means you respect yourself too much to throw yourself at somebody.

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    • Why would throwing yourself at someone be disrespectful to yourself? Just asking out of curiosity.

  • So true. When my first marriage ended I didn’t want to date because of all the bs. When I first started dating my 2nd husband, I even had to lay it out that I wasn’t interested in games and if he was there’s the door.

    The only time we play “hard to get” is when it’s pre-planned and we are role-playing. No ones feelings are going to get hurt in our case.

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  • Well, there is nothing wrong with being a challenge, and most people want to see work from the other part. I think it is a good way to prove your interest in someone, however, I do agree that it does become pathetic to some extent. If you play hard to get, even for a second, and the other part runs away or gives up, you know they wouldn`t stick around for long. But that depends on how "hard to get" we are talking about.

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    • I don’t think the other person running away proves anything, other than the fact that they’re tired of games. I think it’s pretty justified, nobody wants to waste time on someone who plays games and pretends to be something they’re not.

  • Good Take. I don't get the games people play when it comes to dating and being interested in people. I guess because I never really has the luxury of being able to play hard to get or make guys chase me? I don't know. It just never made sense. If I like you, and you like me then let's make this shit happen lol.

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  • If I am playing to get it's because I don't want to be caught and not interested in the person. I am not doing it for the heck of it, I am doing it because I want them to leave me alone and they are taking it as i am wanting them to chase me.

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    • In that case it would just be smarter to tell them upfront that you're not interested.

  • Playing games is mean. That's a person's feelings. However, I also think an itty bit of challenge would be nice to offer. Not in a sense that you lie to the guy about how you feel, but that you take the time to see if he really is worth the risk. Don't be so quick to jump for a yes, if you don't even know if he's willing to commit.

    Yes, Iike you, but why rush labels

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  • I completely agree, good take! I don't understand why people do it, but ah well

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  • It could just make them run further away from you, they could get tired of trying and just give up all together.. just let them love you for crying out lout💕

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  • I think some people actually enjoy the chase/being chased. Not all cases of "hard to get" are so extreme. Sometimes it can spice things up. Has anyone here watched The Notebook? lol

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  • I can see the value to keeping someone at arms length until you can decide if they actually like you or are just trying to get in your pants.

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  • Good take! I agree with you.

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  • I agree. It's just childish, in my opinion.

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  • I struggle from this problem, good take.

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  • It’s true

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  • I AGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE POINT 100%

    WELL DONE.

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  • Nice take I loved it

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  • It's also show how your not mature.

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  • As if I care...

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  • U might loose him or her then Y?

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