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Caution!! The Biggest Mistake I See Women Make Early in a Relationship

Caution!! The Biggest Mistake I See Women Make Early in a Relationship

I see questions all the time asking if she should text him, reach out to him, tell him she wants more. In a word, the general answer is no. The reason is a bit complicated but once you understand it, I hope you’ll see the wisdom in it. Caution is an important element.

Relationships at any level, be it friends, friends with benefits, lovers, or a couple is based on each party having an emotional investment in the relationship. This leads to an axiom a friend told me in college that has served me very, very well:

Your commitment to a relationship is proportional to your investment in it and NOT your profit from it.

Think about that. I found this to be both true and profound. It summed up how a huge number of relationships go off the rails. One party gets significantly more invested and therefore more committed than the other and ends up ofttimes getting hurt.

So how do people emotionally invest in a relationship? With their time, energy, attention, and to a lesser degree money. When a woman meets a man she likes, she will often flirt and do other things to encourage him. That’s investment that’s largely one sided. She’s investing and he’s not, hence things are out of balance. To get them back in balance, he needs to invest. Men invest more than any other way through pursuit. Men also invest my doing things for her, be it helping her with something physically a bit beyond her comfort level, like moving a piece of furniture to helping her with her computer to asking her on a date. Yes, asking is an investment. There’s risk in asking early on that she’ll say no so when he asks, he’s investing. Simply put, make him work for it.

One way the investments get out of balance is early sex. When a couple has sex too early in a relationship, very often she’s much more invested because physical intimacy is much more emotional for women than men. There are lots of exceptions for this but generally it’s true. He’s there for the good time and really enjoys the physical aspects but often times doesn’t invest emotionally. That’s why we see men pursue a woman just enough to get her in bed and then move on. She’s all invested and he’s virtually absent any investment.

Bottom line, take things a bit more slowly and deliberately. Gauge how much you’re invested versus how much they seem to be and if there’s a disparity, fix it before you move on.

I see questions all the time about how long should we wait to have sex. I always reply that it’s not about time. It’s about emotional connection, aka investment. When the connection is strong enough, sex will be on the table but before, the risk of imbalance and failure is very high.

Caution!! The Biggest Mistake I See Women Make Early in a Relationship
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Alexandra1
    I don't know what to say about this. This is very awesome and I would like you to post more stuff because this is awesome. and I would like to stay here like this because this is awesome, and I'm just writing this to get experience so I can post pictures and stuff. Good luck.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Barbaric
    Yup. My advice to a woman would be to avoid acting on impulse, make the guy wait, and really try to read how invested he really is. That's how she avoids getting used by a player/fuckboy who only wants sex. That's how she retains power. That's the measure of his desire for something long-term in general.

    My advice to a man would be to have sex with the girl early on even if he wants a relationship. That's how he avoids going on a bunch of dates that lead to nowhere, or worse, getting strung along by a girl who'll never truly be interested in him. That's how he gains power. That's the measure of her genuine desire towards him in general.

    Male "game" is about getting laid. Female "game" is about getting an attractive guy to stick around and commit afterwards.

    If anything I'd say that the even bigger mistake I see a lot of the younger women make, I see questions about this all the time, is having sex with a guy, after she asks a question about relationships and he says something along the lines of "I don't know yet, let's see where it goes". And she thinks that just dating him casually, not being "official", is fine, and that he'll eventually decide he wants to be with her. Maybe that if she tries too soon to ask for a relationship she'll come off as desperate and scare him off. When really that's just what a lot of guys say to women when they know they only want something casual with her but don't want to come out with it and tell her straight, and a relationship is never gonna happen.
  • Pasiton5
    I agree and disagree here take your time know each other better yes but friends with benefits don't belong in here that's sex plain and simple not s relationship like going to a hooker for free, is all that is , and today who do you know that is 100 percent committed in any relationship, people say they want a committed relationship start it off and first chance they get their flirting and it's all of our faults, especially those in leadership roles you read about this congressman got caught cheating it trickles down into society and people develop that well if he can do it attitude, we all are born with morals ethics integrity, but all that is lost today I see couples out and about paying attention to the other sex than the one they're with and it don't matter if a woman have early sex with a guy she just met in he's truly into her she into him and want to make a go at long term thing leading to marriage so what but people only get together for sex they throw committed relationship in there to satisfy each other's needs at the moment kind of like reassuring themselves that yeah this is the one,, you all need to start being honest with each other and yourself about what you truly desire want expect and start understanding what real commitment means it's your life live it as you choose but just let honesty be in front of it and everyone HAS an opinion on how things should be no one is right or wrong but you have common sense use it to make good decisions there is no right or Wrong way to live this life only your way,
  • 1Sophisticatedme
    Hmm... 🤔 i should send this to my ex husband who has zero knowledge of any type of relationships, he is even making his fiance to marry him... he is a narcissist, dumb ass.
  • bamesjond0069
    Yeah this is relatively accurate. I think there is more to waiting that simply investment... for example a prostitute makes one man wait a year for sex... i still think there is a good chance he will run off soon after. But in general what you said is true. How is a man supposed to care about a girl who spreads her legs so quickly and easily?
  • TinCanJim
    Hmmm. You've given me something to think about and improve on. I'm definitely going to try that in my next relationship. Should give me plenty of time to find out if she's crazy or not.
  • Daniel3035
    Let them learn from their mistakes or they will just keep going abusing if they learn abusing the system leads them to their mistakes that's what they deserve.
  • Medlife
    Very well put👍
  • girlzruleboyzdrool
    Okay for once i actually agree with you
  • Rule_Britania
    expect more than they give
  • Hellohibyebye
    Wow good posts thank you very much
  • Anonymous
    I’d be careful with the doing things for her aspect. I think many men can do this just out of politeness, no? But beyond the norm of friendship and courtesy then yes it becomes more of an investment. But yeah, I fully agree with creating a connection before investment.