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Mistakes I made when meeting someone I only knew for two days [Three months of online dating series, dating fails]

tallandsweet

I went on another meet-up/date today with someone I met during the second part of my online dating experiment.

The guy I've described in my past three takes wouldn't be too happy finding out about this, hence I will process this experience through writing about it here.

In case you've missed them, here they are:

How not to meet someone you met online in real life (first meet-up/date advice) [Three months of online dating series]

Giving someone a second chance often yields good results :) [Three months of online dating series]

On masculinity, chewing gum and the friendzone [dating fails]

I didn't feel like myself today. I overslept, my hair was a bit ugly, the only thing that's been going for me lately seems to be my skin, it's better than I would've ever expected it to be.

I told the dude yesterday that I'd be free today and gave him a time frame. He immediately said that he wanted to meet me and I didn't even bother videochatting with him before because I knew I could leave if I didn't like him at any given point.

We met in a public space (always the most important thing). He made a joke about him being sorry for letting me wait since he knows that I don't wait for men. I appreciated that - it was funny and showed that he had listened to what I had told him about some of my habits.

We went on a very, very long walk, which I appreciated too, he didn't complain about having to walk this far. I love how when you're walking next to one another it's not that awkward anymore to meet someone for the first time, mainly because you don't have to look each other in the eyes every time.

[Photo by Karsten Würth on Unsplash]
[Photo by Karsten Würth on Unsplash]

I then figured that it didn't matter to me what he thought of me and decided to give 100% of my attention to him and to not filter any of my thoughts.

I had teasered some topics when texting, which was a good idea, and then made some major mistakes too that I now feel very sorry about.

#1 He thought I was 19 already

I never use my real birth date when registering for different services - I will turn 19 this month, but my birth date is information I consider to be fairly private. When I told him a story and mentioned that I'm 18, he was fairly shook (he's 23) and I couldn't really calm him down through telling him that he was one of the youngest men I've met.

I asked him if he cared about me being 18, he said that I seemed more mature than other people my age but that he didn't like me being this young, so there's that.

#2 I had lied about the subject I'll study at university

We're attending the same university and I'm a little paranoid when it comes to people finding out about my major, so I told him I was going to start either Mathematics, Mechanical Engineering or Computer Science, which is true, but for some reason, he still felt betrayed, that's on me too.

He asked me what I hadn't lied about (since I hadn't told him my real name either until today), which is a fair question, so I started opening up. Like, really opening up.

#3 I told him I was a cutter and had relapsed not too long ago

I know that this isn't something most people would mention if you meet someone for the first time, but I figured that he might as well know what he's getting himself into. I will cut myself whenever I want to. I managed to stay clean for 1.5 years but relapsed not too long ago. Telling him about that felt way too private and like I was getting way too vulnerable, but I did also appreciate him being chill enough about it.

He told me though that I was a tad too cold about it, which is certainly possible, I've been cutting myself for such a long time now that I no longer understand when people are overwhelmed with me telling them about it. He asked me in a very nice, caring and lovely way whether I'd be okay with showing him my scars on my arms, I did, we were still able to smile, laugh, have fun after that (luckily).

#4 I mentioned that I'm autistic, he didn't know what that meant

He wanted to know why I cut myself in the first place and why I didn't look him into the eyes as much as he was used to, so I had to mention this. It was just a little weird because he had no idea what that meant, but I appreciated him asking about it.

#5 He asked me whether I was wearing sweatpants

I had to show him that my pants were in fact paperbag trousers I absolutely love because they're comfortable and absolutely perfect for long walks.

Similar pants to what I wore with a sweatshirt [zero effort]
Similar pants to what I wore with a sweatshirt [zero effort]

It is NOT APPRECIATED in Germany to step outside of your house/apartment in Leggings or sweatpants. It's associated with "asoziales Verhalten", people who lack education or act like they do.

He almost seemed offended at my favourite pair of pants. I told him that he cannot expect me to try on our first meet-up. I literally threw on what was in my closet.

Conclusion

This guy was a little boring, but I was expecting this, Germans take some time to crawl out of their shells and that's fine. Whenever he told me something, I did enjoy listening to him.

He wanted to know what type of guy the first guy I met from one of the online dating apps I used was, so I descreetly pointed at a random guy on the street with similar style and his attitude also seemed to be somewhat comparable.

He was shocked and made a negative comment, pointing out that the guy was what he considers to be poorly educated (the whole "asozial" thing I mentioned above also holds in this case). That turned me off a little, I like many types of men and felt much safer and more comfortable with the first guy.

We walked around in the dark and at some point, I felt like if he wanted, he could rape and kill me right there - I hadn't had this thought with the first guy, so that's not good.

Not sure what to think about all of this. The guy I dedicated this take to managed to create a link between what we'd talked about online and the real life, which is something I appreciated a lot.

At the same time, we didn't have chemistry either and there were some pretty awkward situations I didn't mention here.

Have you ever had a date like this?

How do you deal with dating fails?

Mistakes I made when meeting someone I only knew for two days [Three months of online dating series, dating fails]
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    I used to post about my ex too, he found out now he’s pissed off. Let him leave, if he was mature he could admit he was a lot in wrong for a woman to writing about him. If all was nice, I wouldn’t have to complain in here. Ok I did prolly trash him a bit, but I was really angry so it was all that.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Avicenna
    Oh, sure, including a FIRST date with a Muslim woman who wasn't a virgin and wanted me to convert to Islam so she could get a guy to marry her.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

37
  • Sparda20xx
    Nice take. Were you perfect no. But you owned tout mistakes
    • Hey, I tried, he also texted me after the date, which I personally deem to be a good sign.

    • Sparda20xx

      Just take it slow and don't over think it. I used to do that. All it does is cause stress

  • BigSis
    If you were talking to him when you were 17, that would be scary for him.

    Germans sound judgey. So if you wear leather leggings, does that make you partially uneducated? Is that a controversial topic over there?
    • No no, I'm 18.
      I'd understand it if I was a minor, but I'm not and made that very clear.

      Some of them are. Yes, if you wear leggings or sweatpants, people will assume all you do is hang around all day.

    • BigSis

      I would wear them just to piss people off then. But I get that group consensus is very important over there and the entire village would be in an uproar.

    • HAHA! I get what you mean. I wasn't even wearing leggings or sweat pants!
      Also sorry, leather leggings are considered classy here!
      I thought you were only talking about leggings.

  • spartan55
    Why lie about anything? I just don't get it. If you are dating someone it will come out eventually anyway. Absolute on the spot deal breaker for me. No one likes getting lied to.
  • MannMitAntworten
    Always remain true to yourself and you will drawn in the authentic to themselves too. Be you. It is the filter we have.
  • Jamie05rhs
    I'm concerned that you were walking around in the dark. I really think that you should plan your first dates to end before nightfall.
    • I also don't think you should lie so much. A good man will be looking for a woman of integrity. And honesty and trust is essential to the success of any potential relationship that might develop out of that date. If the person you meet gets the impression that you're shady, you will lose value in their eyes.

    • But I agree with you that this guy was a bit of a snob.

    • As far as being afraid that they could rape and kill you, that's a good thought to have regardless of who the person is. Because it could save your life. That thought is your rational brain warning you to not out yourself in situations where you would be in danger. What if you never had that thought at all? What if you were lulled to "sleep", and then it actually happened and you were blindsided by the attack? That would be much worse.

    • Show All
  • pigoat
    I love that picture from the woods
  • msc545
    I am wondering if you can imagine a guy that you could connect with?
  • no_leaf_clover_3
    Why lie about your name, age, and subject you will be studying for? Dealbreaker.
  • mrgspoter
    Did I miss a question here?
    • Have you ever had a date like this and how do you avoid/deal with dating fails?

    • mrgspoter

      Most of my dates are with gals I've talked with for a bit so all awkward things I've have said and it's just to met and see I don't met strangers much at all, it's more clubbing or bars if I do.

    • mrgspoter

      What I find awkward is if they have said things that's diffrent when we met up I don't like change it freaks me out even if it little things lol

  • Kayla45
    Nice take
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