Feel like I try much harder in the relationship than my boyfriend?

I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and I love him a lot. Love his flaws, am happy to put him before anyone else, and will constantly go out of my way to make him happy in any way. But he doesn't do the same. He loves me and is happy to be with me but I just feel a void. For example:
-While I constantly send him random 'i love you' or 'i miss you texts' (he leaves on vacation a lot), never get that from him.
-I buy him and make him lots of small gifts, like last week when he left on vacation I made him a scrapbook of many of our memories to look at on the plane. Not even a thanks, I snuck it in his suitcase as a surprise and he didn't even mention it. Only when I asked if he liked it did he finally mention it and say 'yeah, that was cool'. Took me 8 hours to make.
-When he comes back after being away 3 days I tell him I'm so glad he's back because I missed him every day. His response: 'wow, over-attached girlfriend'.
-He doesn't pay me for as I insist that he doesn't on dates. Partly is because again, I'm trying hard to make him happy and never experience negatives in this relationship. Yet when I pay for something big and kindly later remind him that he owes me half the price, he complains that I think too much about money.
Just a few examples. I'd do anything for him but he wouldn't do the same - or well, not without me asking him to. Is that just something I should live with in the relationship, knowing he loves me anyways?

Woah put 'after being away 3 days' - meant after being away 3 *weeks*!


Most Helpful Guy

  • No offense, but you do sound overly attached, not that he's handling it in the right way. I'd highly recommend turning it down a notch.

    Lay off the random texts a little bit. They are great when you get them once a month, or when you are totally not expecting it. When the other person is expecting it, is when you are clearly doing it way too much.

    Gifts are great, on like birthdays, and Christmas, and other such occassions. Random gifts, especially frequent ones, just feel a little awkward. A gift should remind you of something, or be for a certain occasion, like maybe you guys had a huge fight and wanted to make up. That's a situation for a gift. Choose your times better, the gifts matter more when you do.

    3 Days is honestly nothing. 3 months, or even 3 weeks I'd understand, and the person will appreciate you missing them. 3 days feels like just yesterday practically. It's honestly more suffocating than it is welcoming.

    Okay the money thing is lame. If he is complaining you think too much about money when you want half the money for paying for something, he is being a dick, straight out. You need to get up the confidence to tell him that as well, just... maybe not with those words. Tell him if this is something you are buying together, he needs to give half the money, and you don't want to hear about his excuses, because that's what that is.

    Big problem here, NEVER expect no negatives in the relationship, that's insane. You are going to have arguments, disagreements, problems, this is part of LIFE hunny. The important thing is that your relationship comes above the problems, not that they don't exist. Expecting them to never arise is just being ignorant, don't do that, because then the problems will hit you way harder when they do in fact come.

    • Sorry about the 3 days comment - was actually a mistype and meant 3 weeks :P Yes, reacting too much over him being gone 3 days really would be too clingy, but did feel that in a relationship 3 weeks apart was a considerable amount.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Don't try so hard. Part of being comfortable with someone is being comfortable. Just experience being with him and don't worry too much about how hard you're trying. If you want to give more than he does, that's cool. If you want him to give more than he wants to give though...that's not cool. If you're in that kind of situation, you can either try telling him what you need, and see if he's willing, or you can just take off.


What Girls Said 4

  • If you have ever heard the old expression: "You can do Too much," then this is the time to start Saying: "This is where the buck stops Now."
    You're doing way too much, and not getting appreciated for ANY of it, sweetie. He's treating you as his court jester, smirking behind your back And...You're being killed by his 'kooky kindness,' put on a pay no mind list, and used and abused. He's doing nothing in return to show he even cares about you, For You, Nor What you are doing for him. And it's not You that 'thinks too much about money'...it's him that Expects it.
    It's a one sided relationship, of just give, give, give, and never reciprocated, just taken terrible advantage of. He's not impressed, And Obviously Not 'depressed,' for he's got it made in the shade, and even goes off on these 'vacations a lot.'
    No, you shouldn't have to 'live with this Nor Him in the relationship.' He will never change, just get more greedy, selfish and keep spelling out: "Wow, over-attached girlfriend."
    You can either give him his walking papers and find someone more deserving of your love and good gestures, or start by cutting him off, being this apple at the top of the tree, hardest to grab. But honesty, I don't think that will even work for this ungrateful hard core. He's too far gone. You've become his Enabler. It's out of control, and God only knows what next is in store here.
    You've been wearing your poor heart on your sleeve and allowing him to rip it off at any given gift. If you continue to stand for it, you will always be stooping to his feet, scooping up whatever poop he leaves behind. I don't call that a 'boyfriend,' I call that a 'fair weather friend.'
    Good luck.xx

  • Do yourself a favor and go buy the book Why Men Love Bitches (Amazon) It will be a lifesaver for you. You are clearly doing to much for him & he has taken it for granted & does NOT appreciate you. Also, men show their love differently than woman & dont buy gifts or make little surprises. They show their love by spending their time with you & opening themselves up emotionally to you. He might feel uncomfortable with all your displays of love. Tone it down & stop with the texts as well. Too much of anything is too much sometimes. I think an occasional sweet text or gesture is more meaningful than an overload. men like to chase NOT be chased. The quickest way to lose his interest as well as respect is to give too much... which you clearly have in this case. Best advice is to buy the book & follow its advice. Start putting yourself first, just like he does. He will have more respect for you as a person when you aren't groveling at his feet & giving the impression your life revolves around him. Almost every man prefers a strong, independent woman. Start to have more confidence in yourself & the first way to do this is to get rid of the asshole you are currently dating! Good Luck

  • Don't get too clingy. The moment you leave eachother don't text him. Give it few hours or even let him contact you first. If your doing all the work why would he go out of his way to initiate. Step back a bit. An if he still don't bother as much dump him. Never settle for less than what you deserve :)

  • he finds it difficult to express his feelings