Is this what a casual relationship is?

This girl and I have been talking for a while. We don't see each other every day but when we do see each other things are amazing. We flirt, we laugh, and we tease each other. We have admitted that we like each other, but she only wants to keep things casual.

Anyhow, we had tentative plans on going to skit night (grad school event) and checking out my new place that was close to the venue. I sent her a text yesterday asking about it but she said she doesn't think so and is already carpooling with her friends. She said that she planned on just going straight home afterwards to study and she's in a lot of stress. I can kind of understand that because of how demanding school is.

I also mentioned that I wanted to make dessert for her. She said she doesn't have time to come over but she was super excited that I said I would drop it off. She was really curious as to what I was making.

Is anyone else in a casual relationship and act similar to this? I really don't know if I should try anymore..


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmmm... If you go out of your way to make her a dessert, take her just a slice/piece of whatever it is. If she likes it enough, say next time, come over and you can have it fresh from the oven. Things like that.

    Basically you have to test the water. See if she's keeping you on the hook, has someone else she's flirting with casually as well or really is genuinely stressed. Just observe. Its usually a little easy to tell if she's just blowing you off or not.

    A couple examples of why she might be:

    1) She could also think you're inviting her over just for sex and isn't ready

    2) she thinks going to your place would be too intimate like a serious date and isn't ready for that either

    3) could be keeping you on the hook

    4) she could actually be stressed. If she's stressed there'd be a post or 2 on Feb and she would have said SOMETHING about it, even if only in passing

    A lot of words but I hope it helped

    • I definitely think 1) and 2) if she's a classy girl. I'd feel like he's sending me all the wrong signals. For instance, if he actually liked me he wouldn't be inviting me over to his place so quickly. Therefore he must just want to get laid.

      Also, the fact that she said she'd like if you dropped her off a slice would make me think 4) is super valid. And since I like nice guys, little gestures like that would just make you oh so much more appealing once whatever caused the stress passed.

    • Show All
    • She has come over before even at a later time.. but we never had sex. that wasn't my intention and she knows it.

      pretty sure she's just stressed.. at least her friends are too so i guess its alright..

    • Ah okay well yeah I mean she is in grad school. Since she's been over before then it doesn't sound like you really have anything to worry about. If she stills seems into you then just keep going. And definitely take her that dessert. Make it chocolate!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Keep trying. And casual relationships are hard. And I hate to say it, but they're the new 'norm' for dating before an exclusive relationship begins.

    Don't be overly forceful or persistent. But send her a text once or twice a week just to see how things are and keep the lines of communication open so when she's less stressed she'll want to reach out to you and get to know you.


What Guys Said 1

  • She's probably just stressed with studying and her work life at the moment, so she doesn't feel like she can invest herself into a fully fledged relationship. She probably isn't coming to yours because she doesn't want to lead you on.

    If I were you I wouldn't expect much at the moment. Prepare to put in as much effort as she is, otherwise you will just end up chasing her around to a dead end. There may be a time when she will want something more serious, but don't wait around for it. Keep seeing her if you want to, see other people if you want something more serious.

    Just my 2c

    • Yeah it's a tough one for me. I have had a few dates with different girls this year and she was the only person who I found really interesting. I decided to move on a few times but every time I see her it was a lot of fun..

      I guess I will see how things go and perhaps someone else who is better for me will come along. Thanks for your help though :)

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