How do you know when it's OK to make the first move and kiss a girl?

The definition of sexual assault by Merriam-Webster is
illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or is inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent (as because of age or physical or mental incapacity) or who places the assailant (as a doctor) in a position of trust or authority.
It is also states that a females lack of resistance is not consent and still is considered sexual assault if she has felt forced or threatened.

I take these definitions and to it I add this website. Top 10 tips for kissing a woman.

Number 7 in particular, that says "Never ask a woman for her permission to kiss her."

So agreement to a date doesn't mean agreement to kissing or any kind of physical contact and kissing her with out asking is not receiving consent first which means you are forcing your choice to engage in physical contact for personal gratification onto her and is sexual assault if you were to go by what the definition states.

So by this logic you have to commit sexual assault and hope that she doesn't feel forced or threatened? That seems like the worst way to go about such a situation.
I mean all the signs in the world can say I want you to kiss me but that doesn't mean she's asking to be kissed. Just like it doesn't matter how she's dressed, it doesn't mean she wants inappropriate attention.

How do you know when a girl gives consent if you don't ask her? Does body language give consent because non-verbal consent isn't definitive and could be misinterpreted as yes when it's really NO!

I didn't even throw in alcohol impairment since being drunk is different for every person and the ability to know when consent can be given would be impossible. So even 1 drink of alcohol should always be seen as inability to consent and that means everything to follow is sexual assault as well.

It's confusing me If someone could explain this I'd appreciate it. thanks


Most Helpful Girl

  • You are looking WAY to much into it.

    You know when to kiss a girl through her body language and how close she is willing get to you and if she keeps looking from your eyes to lips or looks at you for long periods of time. If she keeps looking away from you and seems uncomfortable, then obviously, you shouldn't kiss her.

    However, there are times when a guy can kiss a girl, like when she is in the middle of talking about something and rambling on then he goes "wham" on her lips and she stops talking and embraces him. But this only usually is fine by the girl if she already likes you or she is in a relationship with you (even still, she could get annoyed you didn't let her finish what she is saying).

    But seriously man, it's just common sense.


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What Girls Said 1

  • To be honest it's a lot easier than you think it is. I'd think the most obvious way to tell if it's "okay" to lean in and try to kiss someone is if they make a lot of physical contact with you, as in they go out of their way to somehow touch you (shoulder, hands, hugging, etc.).
    I wouldn't know about attempting this after either of you has consumed alcohol (I'm allergic to alcohol), but to avoid offending her I would play it safe and not attempt to kiss her.
    But if she makes obvious gestures through body language, flirting or constantly touches you, I'd say it would be fine to try and kiss her, just don't do it too quickly or else it'll make things awkward and it will feel forced. My first kiss was very much like that; I didn't even mean to kiss him, I just turned around to look at him and he just kissed me -- although I can't say I hated it, and now we've been together for 3 years.


What Guys Said 2

  • Way too long; didn't read most of it to be honest.

    Anyway it's not that hard. If you like a girl and you feel she likes you as well just go for it. Worst case scenario she stops you or dodges at which point you just back off.

  • I f***ed up and asked the girl on my first kiss.

    It all worked out anyways. And this was in college.