online dating, still logging in to site?

i really like this guy i'm currently dating. we've been out four times, the last of which we had sex. he initiates contact with me, talks for hours usually, and plans dates and things to do in the future. but the problem is that he is still regularly active on the dating site. we haven't had any talk of exclusivity or commitment, so i understand this is fair game, but it bothers me.

is this normal? do guys tend to continue to log on? should i discuss it with him? i don't want to be clingy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Fair game? You wouldn't be asking us this question if you really thought this was fair game.

    As far as I'm concerned, it became exclusive the second his dick penetrated your vagina. The problem with the world today is that there is no sense of respect. If he was respectful he would have made it clear that this was a No Strings Attached relationship he was having with you; It's not entirely his fault as you let it happen without discussing anything with him.

    Nobody can tell you if it's "normal" for him to continue logging on. We all have our own modus operandi. I can tell you how I am and you can draw conclusions from it. If I started dating a chick, even after 4 dates, I would stop going online. This is out of respect and my genuine interest in pursuing you as a partner. I'm not trying to badmouth the guy and be the White Knight here - It's obvious that he's just doing what you're ALLOWING him to do. If you're allowing him to do this then by all means, go ahead. However, it's clear that you do NOT like this.

    You are not clingy for having reservations about this; not even remotely. You gave him something personal, sex. You expected some sort of stability or exclusivity in return. That's how it's SUPPOSED TO WORK. The fact that this dude is continuing online says a lot about him, in my book. Again, not bad mouthing him. He's just doing what every good looking dude in his position would try to do if all they wanted was sex. AND YOU'RE ALLOWING IT.

    It kinda sounds to me like you were looking for something serious. I don't think this guy is it. If you have to "discuss" it with him then you two obviously have completely different mentalities on the subject, that says to me that you'll most likely be incompatible down the line. But again, if his dick felt good then go right ahead. Nobody is judging you. Well, I'm not. Don't let my verbiage fool you... I just like being direct and I curse a lot, there's no hidden meaning here.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • I went through the same exact thing! The thing is, since you're talking to this guy on a dating site, there are obviously other girls that he has talked to and probably still is talking to.The thing about dating sites is that the other person is most likely flirting around and stuff because you don't have to put "limitations" on who you talk to.

    I went through the same thing and had the same feelings. What you should do is ask him specifically if he's looking for a serious relationship or he's just on the site to have fun, etc. It's easier when you know this because then you don't come off as clingy when these things bother you. On top of everything else, realize that even tho you guys do like each other, you ran into each other online and that doesn't necessarily mean that he's only talking to you. Again, this is because of the whole"no boundaries" thing with online dating and flirting.

    Don't think too hard about it. All ya gotta do is ask him, and be open about it. If you can't be open about your feelings then wahts the point? At least if you know whether or not he's up for a relationship, it'll be easier for you.
    Hope I helped <3

    • i know...this is the problem with online dating. i agree, we should be able to talk about things. how did it work out for you?

    • He was posting pictures that were not his, pictures that were on many different websites and google too. :/ I could deal with players, I could deal with jerks. But I can't deal with fakes.. and thas what he turned out to be.

      When I confronted him about it, he got all angry and he changed completely. Rotten :/ And a waste of my time. The thing that sucked was that there were so many other great guys who were messaging me and I wasn't paying attention- too busy talking to this Fake.
      Downsides of online dating.. Sigh. Lol I'm over it tho. I didn't "love" him, only liked him.

  • You've been out 4 times. You haven't talked about being exclusive. It's normal he's looking for what else might be out there. Just because you guys had sex already doesn't mean he owes you anything.

    • agreed--i know he doesn't owe me anything. i'm just curious if this is par for the course.