Did the "where is this going" talk go well do you think or how would you analyze this?

We have been hanging out/talking/seeing each other for the last 3 1/2 months so I finally got up enough courage to ask him where he saw things going over the weekend. Everything has been great with us and our conversations have gotten deeper and we communicate more frequently.

I asked him where he saw this going and he said that he could see himself dating me. I then proceeded to say that I wasn't asking for a title right now and that I wanted to make sure we were on the same page with where this was headed.

We then discussed that neither one of us is seeing anyone else and that we are exclusive with each other. Then he went on to say he doesn't want to rush the title because he wants to make sure that I like him for who he is first and that I truly want to be with him. I assured him that he is the one I want. He went on to say his expectations for the relationship and I told him mine. At another point in the talk we discussed marriage and talking about us working in the future. He says that he has thought about dating me for a long time and that he just wanted to make sure that I really like him for who he is. That's why he isn't doing the honeymoon stage as he put and is just being who he normally would be.

After our talk with cuddled and kissed then ended up having really awesome sex. I feel like our talk helped bring us closer emotionally.

Why would he keep repeating that he wants to make sure that I like him for him? Was that a cop out or something or is he just being cautious? Is this normal for a guy to be that concerned?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm going through the same thing right now. But we've only been seeing each other for a month now. When i met up with him last night, he included me to go to a little BBQ for his friend's going away party. So I met more of his friends, which was good. I mean all his friends know we are together. Then on the way home, he brought up that we've been seeing each other for a month now, and that he's happy that i came into his life especially since now he's back on his feet. But in the beginning he told me I might be the risk he's willing to take to be his girlfriend. So now its just me trying to be patient.

    I guess in your situation he might be afraid to get hurt because maybe he has gotten hurt in the past. I would just keep showing him that you care for him and that your not going anywhere.


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What Guys Said 1

  • He is nervous and unsure about committing right now. See, everytime you say you are sure he is the one, he tries to defer the decision by saying he just wants to make sure.

    I think that's a perfectly normal reaction too. We're generally scared of committing ourselves, it takes a while before we get used to the idea. And mostly just scared of the changes it could bring to our lives once things become official or progressed closer to marriage. Which is pretty darn stressful!

    • Is there anyway I can help him ease into this and feel more comfortable? I let him contact me 50% of the time first. I'm trying to keep it equal so I know he is interested and he knows I'm interested. I don't want to scare him away by any means.

    • He is comfortable with the current state. What he is not comfortable with, is moving to the next state with the "title".

      There's really nothing you could do, but to give it time, and not to dwell on the topic too much. I'm sorry that I can't give a timeline or clues, but you can just feel it. After a while both of you get really comfortable discussing more and more things.

      For instance, I always thought I wanted my girl to contact me 24/7. To always chat with me, or come to me for anything and everything. I kept trying to ask her out. I even had "the talk" with her.

      But when I finally did succeed, I was overwhelmed by it. It became quite stressful, I began worrying whether I was doing enough, whether it was enough to satisfy her, and I felt I was going to burn out. Turning the relationship official seemed to transform it from something fun to a responsibility and duty instead. It took a few weeks before we both found our pace again and settling into our new status together.

What Girls Said 1

  • i think he is just being cautious, it sounds like he wants a more mature relationship now.

    • Any suggestions on how I could get him to be more comfortable and less cautious? I want him and only him but I don't know how to prove that other than letting time take it's course.

    • you've answered your own question: time really is the only thing. you'll have to show him that you only want him.