Ladies, should I go for this girl at all?

So I met this girl when hanging out with a few friends. I think I might be interested in her. She seems cool and stuff and is cute too. But the only thing is her health issues. She has a heart problem and already has a pacemaker and we're only in our early 20's. She has a learning disorder (which I didn't even knowand couldn't tell until she told us).

The thing is that I look forward and picture the future. I'm not interested in dating a girl just to date or for sex reasons. I wanna date a girl that I see a potential of getting married to one day and having a family together. With this girl, I'm kinda scared that she'll either pass on her learning disorder to our kids if it's genetic and I don't wanna marry her and have kids and then see her die like maybe 5-10 years into our marriage. I don't want our kids to be motherless. Sure I can remarry but that's not the point and not what I wanna think about. What you think? Should I go for it? Am I being selfish? My friend sqaid it kind of is because if we could work out, then I'm denying a girl's opportunity to be a mother simply because of her medical conditions.

  • Go for it
    Vote A
  • don't go for it
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Even for those of you who vote, please give a reason as to why I should go with either sides.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's harsh to set someone up for a loss before anything has even begun but I understand your reasoning and doubts. Even though it is long term thinking I respect your doubts because I think I would be the same. Our whole evolution has been built on survival of the fittest and natural selection. We are programmed to find a suitable mate. I believe that everyone should be able to find love and have a family but I would also be concerned about health issues and possibly passing on conditions. That maybe something she can't help as it may have been passed on. It doesn't change her as a person. Things could work out and with all the medicine and technology around she may even outlive you. I think it comes down to how much you like her. I personally worry about things like this as well, it's not judgmental it's just that I worry too much and would like a happy healthy family one day. You can't fight for your feelings for too long, if you like her then you like her, see where it goes. It may be more meaningful then other relationships because of those reasons. Goodluck.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • I think u should go for it just because she has those issues doesn't mean she will die

  • Having a tumor and having undergone several spinal and heart surgeries myself, I empathize with whomever this girl is. It's not easy being 20 and having to deal with such issues. I can't tell you what this girl is feeling, but I know that for myself, despite not knowing how long I have to live, I want a family and kids. Despite knowing there's a chance my kids will inherit my genetic disorder, I want to risk it.
    You brought up the idea that you don't want your kids to be motherless, and I understand where you are coming from. But as this is all hypothetical, hypothetically, a perfectly healthy woman can get into a car accident on her home way from the grocery store, and leave her kids without a mother (god forbid).
    All in all, if you genuinely like the girl, and she likes you back, I feel like you should go for it. Everyone deserves happiness, and if she makes you happy, her medical concerns shouldn't stop you from pursuing her

  • Learning disorders really aren't genetic. My father and mother had one and us kids turned out fine. Don't discriminate based on that. As for the heart thing, pregnancy does take a tool on the heart but modern medicine is amazing. things like pacemakers exist so that people with those issues can live normal lives. I would say go for it but it's all up to you. If it's such a big issue tell he and she'll find another guy. If you say no it's not the end of the World.

    • Genetics can skip a generation. Or generations. So they could still be genetic is what I am saying.

      And most things are genetic. Especially things that surface at a young age.

    • Why would it matter? They have amazing teachers for that. Would you like it if someone discriminated based on a giant mole on your face. That's genetic too. Would you discrininate against anything that went wrong in the womb? Discriminating against something that small is petty.

  • Do what you feel is best for you. Don't play the martyr for her because I'm sure she can find another man to father her children if she really wanted them. It's a big deal and if it's not something you want to risk or deal with, then don't.


What Guys Said 1

  • You already have doubts, so don't do it. And in my opinion rightly so.

    I have been in that position before and I really feel bad about having to turn the girl down.
    But I have already dealt with health issues in a previous RS and I'm done with that. And guess what? She left me after almost 5 years when I was feeling down.

    Life is unfair and it sucks. Deal with it.

Loading... ;