Shy guys please help! I am dating a guy that is super shy and my friend told me he's said that he won't commit bc he is afraid of relationships?

So i've been dating this guy for a bout a month. i REALLY like him, but he's got to be the shyest guy i know. He DID make a first but very subtle move (are you going to this event? let me know if you go!) that led to us meeting and then he asked me out for drinks with friends. since then we've been on 3 alone dates, and multiple friend hangouts together with other people. We have another date planned for next week. Aside from the first date, I've initiated all other dates/plans, and I'm always the one texting him. He will text back FAST and ask me about my day and say sweet things with smiley faces and exclamation marks I don't think he'd be using unless he liked me. He also get a bit nervous around me (stutter a little at first), but the more time i spend with him the more he has opened up to me. Still it feels like we are just getting to know each other. Now my friend who knows him just told me he will not commit cuz he's afraid of relationships? Can this be possible? I bet it took a lot of effort for him to ask me out/make the first move given how shy he is, but who makes such a great effort if they don't want a gf down the road? Like he's really shy so putting in that much effort must mean that he's really interested but now my friend says he won't commit? ADVICE PLEASE! I REALLY like him. and i'm patient too to take things slow due to the shyness.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You've only been on 3 dates and already thinking about whether he will commit to you or not. If he is beginning to open up to you then what's wrong with simply enjoying every minute you are with him and letting thing progress naturally?

    There is nothing wrong with constant, gentle encouragement to open up more (in fact he will need it) without being pushy. If he resists your encouragement to open up about something then leave it and move on.

    How does your friend know he's afraid of relationships, has she been in one with him? How does she know him so well when he is so shy?

    If you simply enjoy company together then who knows, you may be 6 months down the track and find yourself in the very committed relationship you wanted without even thinking about it!

    • I rarely like someone, and i know the kind of guy i really like well. I also tend to get attached fast so if he doesn't even consider the possibility of a relationship from the get go i'd rather withdraw bc i don't want to get hurt like i've been hurt before. i don't mind giving lots of gentle encouragement but at the same time i have to protect myself too so i need to know what i'm signing up for. it's only fair to us both. my friend is his good friend from school.

    • So you're going to withdraw from a guy you obviously like on the off chance you may get hurt? What if you don't get hurt?

      You can't go through life worrying about every negative thing that may happen down the road. How many guys do you think will tell a girl they want a committed relationship after only 3 dates.

      Be honest now.

      You can protect yourself and still give it a shot with him, it is possible. If he's only just beginning to open up to you it's obvious he likes you and I doubt he will want you to withdraw. Trust me, when shy guy finds someone he is comfortable opening up to that person is like gold to him, even if he is not sure yet about a committed relationship.

    • No I wouldn't withdraw now, BUT i rather know in advance so I can also be careful. i've been hurt too many times to just go in blindly. i really like him so i will keep dating for now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'll be honest as a shy guy I want things to go slow and I'd rather a girl take the lead. I think he wants to be with you he is just shy.

  • I'm a shy guy and I'm afraid to get in a relationship. Most of it has to do with me never being in a relationship before so i don't know how things work. He could be like this also. I think he does indeed want to get in a relationship but just doesn't know how to go about it. Keep at it, he'll most likely give in. Good luck (:


What Girls Said 1

  • What friend told you this? Male or female?

    • girl. his good friend that is married to another guy now. he told her that at one point bc a long time ago she tried to set him up.

    • A friend tried to set him up a long time ago. Sometimes guys say these things to avoid the embarrassment of being set up with people they don't like. It's a nice way of saying "don't set me up again".

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