Okay, so I've liked this guy (lets call him fabio) for about five consecutive years, but he had never given me the time of day. Well this past year he actually started hitting on me, I've even slept with him, but thats it. we just sleep. Now when i say this guy is a player i mean it. Different girl every night. I just dont understand his motives. You would think that if he just wanted to have sex with me he would have already, he's had plenty of opprotunities. He says he likes me and that i "interest him" but he refuses to take the next step. The whole situation has just made my feelings grow and im scared that he's just gonna drop me one day. So should i just stop conversation with him now? Stop seeing him? Or am i the girl that could keep him grounded? Maybe he's just scared, i dont know.. I really do like him though, alot. I dont know what to do. Any advice?
Most Helpful Guy
Yeah, dude sounds toxic to you. I would cut communication and move on. You say you've liked him for like 5 years but he's never given you the time of day. So I assume this is purely a physical attraction thing for the most part. I mean, you can't really know the guy that well given those types of circumstances. Your attraction is understandable though, since you said different girl every night, the guy must be pretty damn attractive in general.
That being said, you should still cut and run. Clearly you're just some temporary interest that he will discard once he gets bored. If he was the relationship type, it wouldn't be a different girl every night. He's posses a particular degree of emotional danger to you specifically because he's not just after the sex. His need for you isn't genuine, but it's definitely deeper than just a physical fling. Those are often the most damaging types of interactions, emotionally speaking. Trust me on that, I know first hand.
A physical fling, they get what they want (sex) and then ditch you. It's short lived and fairly straight forward- easy to get over. People that are after something more, filling some emotional need, are essentially using you in a much more personal way which is much more damaging. They get you wrapped up around your finger then continue to suck as much out of you emotionally as they can because it fills that need, whatever it may be. There's no real end goal to that, they will just keep on using you until you're empty. They will keep pushing till you fold, then try to find a way to pull you back from that ledge, so they can keep using you.
I don't necessarily think it's pure malevolence, just a high degree of self centered selfishness that drives that behavior. Confusion tends to be their best weapon because it keeps people off balance. The person doesn't know where that person stands, and they aim to keep it that way. Keeps the illusion of hope alive.0