Absent Father Syndrome - How early is too early to ask about family history?

I have been through dating two girls (the first and only two I have dated) who grew up without fathers present for the majority of their lives. Both relationships lasted ~3-4 months and in both instances I caught them with another guy first hand, which has done wonders for my faith and trust in humanity.

I would consider myself a man in this generation of boys who are into flamboyant texters hiding behind their own insecurities, don’t know how accept responsibility for their own actions, and are compulsive liars who always have an excuse. And I digress.

AFS girls seem to be drawn to me as I probably come off more protective and masculine in context as a father figure to them, and they seek me for comfort.

As of now I refuse to date any girl whose parents divorced before they graduated high school. I am making it a point to find this bit of information as early as possible as to not waste either of our time.

I know posting this won’t make me many friends on here, but absent father syndrome is legitimate and scientifically studied. I also acknowledge that in doing this I am throwing out a number of possible perfectly compatible women, but I would like to experience dating girls with a different background before I return to possibly making the same mistake for a third time.

Thanks for your responses


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have never grown up with a father. But I don't have afs definitely not. Honestly I think you just ran into the wrong girls. And not to mention I don't think that makes the girl the way she is! guys are like that too!!! Just saying. Because not everyone comes from a happy well put together family with both parents in the picture it doesn't really contribute to being bad at relationships when they get older. It just builds character and girls like that put a wall up.

    but as for your initial question I wouldn't ask her right when you meet her ha ha but get to know her first like if you considered actually dating her then it's time to ask before it gets too serious and you go all anti- you didn't have a daddy no thank you.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • maybe you just run into the wrong ones

  • uhm... to be honest i didn't get what are the "symptoms" of this AFS. that she's likely to cheat on you or what? i'm really curious 'cause perhaps i also have that AFS, and yeah i like mature and really masculine guys, it just feels more comfortable, but is there smth terribly wrong with that?)

    • basically you can ask smth about her family at any moment - just say smth casually about your parents and ask about hers.
      by the way why don't you answer what's the connection between this AFS and cheating? really curious

    • Try this - library.wcsu.edu/dspace/bitstream/0/527/1/Final+Thesis.pdf
      or just google "absent father effects on daughters”

What Guys Said 2

  • So you're so fantastic because you are a "man in a generation of boys".

    But dismissing a woman because her parent's divorced before her 16th birthday is, well, childish. I'm sorry but that's one of the silliest and most immature things I've heard in a while, especially coming from a "man".

  • Instead of identifying why they like you, maybe you should figure out why they're cheating on you.

    • I’ve already figured that one out, and it has little to do with the question. The question concerns at what comfort level is it appropriate to retrieve this information without pressing them too hard.