How best to deal with commitment phobic partner?

My now ex-boyfriend and I are taking space because of his fears around commitment and intimacy. We had a lot together but every time we became closer his fears would kick in and he would create distance. It became too much and we decided to break on good terms. We both obviously still care but he needs to get his "stuff" together. Any advise on how to understand this and what's best to do? Best to allow him his space to reflect and think of potentially losing us?


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What Guys Said 1

  • fears of commitment typically are rooted in a fear of commitement being the end of something else. the end of freedom, the end of a happy relationship, a loss of independence, or for men who are more promiscuous the fear of having only one sexual partner. They stem from emotional baggage either regarding trust, having seen failed relationships, etc.

    I think it is good to give him space but for his part he has to actively work on overcoming these issues. whether that involves seeing a therapist or just taking the leap of faith into a committed relationship the change isn't going to occur unless he actively works on addressing whatever is the root of his fear

    • We talked a little about it and he admitted to knowing it's a problem and he needs to work on himself. Anything I can do? Or just back off?

    • i think you can only continue to be yourself. but it doesn't really sound like you are doing anything wrong. he should be able to develop the sense of commitment to who you are without you doing any extra major things... you can try to be patient BUT don't allow yourself to be hurt or walked over in the process

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