I don't know what to say or do with this guy.?

I have been talking to this guy for 6 months and he came home a few weekends ago. We have talked a lot about sex but other topics as well. He was the one to mention a future relationship with me and children. When he came home right before he came over "I told him I don't want you to leave right after sex." he then proceeded to say, "we don't have to have sex, and said he wouldn't." When opening the door he grabbed me (things were mutual that we both wanted each other)... we didn't have sex but we did mess around and then he left my place in 5 mins. He told me he was coming back after his run. I waited and he gave me an excuse later why he was not coming back. But then would say "well maybe after a nap." I was crushed and I felt used! The next day he didn't see me and made excuses at least I didn't wait around. Finally that night I had enough with his excuses and asked him why do you not want to see me? I told him how he hurt me and it was not ok to do this. All that I wanted was a little of his time to chat. Then I asked him, where do we go from here? he said, "I feel like all I do is disappoint you." I boosted and went on and on why he is not a disappointment. The conversation went well and he did come over the next day before he left to go home. When he got home I was texting him and it seemed like our relationship as friends had changed. Things that I would say I wouldn't get the same response like before. Bland short answers. I was trying to be cute and funny... Then I told him the other night that I have been thinking a lot about life and it has me sad. He agreed that he has been sad too. I asked him if it was me? I got no response and then the other night he liked one of my pictures on facebook. I just want things to go back to what they were and I feel that by being honest with him I destroyed his ego. I have tried to make him feel good. He told me he struggles with emotional intimacy. I don't know what to say or do!!!

  • Should I just let him go?
    Vote A
  • Do I play the game and seem like i am dating others? Maybe seem unavailable?
    Vote B
  • Should I continue to text him and talk with him and just let it be bland?
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I was in your shoes except for a week. This girl was with her bf but she would tell me she wasn't happy. She would tell me how bad he treated her and how much she liked me. She broke up with him, hung out with me the next day. We were basically a couple, like we kissed, held hands, made out, flirted alot, and got handsy some. The next day up until now i haven't heard from her but she likes/comments on my Facebook posts, and she's back with him. Don't make the effort if he's not making it back. I found out the hard way too. Dont waste your time and make it more emotional than it is already and find someone who will want to talk. P.S. why do you girls go back with dicks and douchebags anyways?

    • I am sorry that she did that to you. I don't typically go for the bad guys. I had no desire to date until talking with him due to a BAD divorce. He made me see that I am beautiful and he remembered me from when we were kids. I just expected more out of him than what happened and it left me feeling very used. He still talks to me but I want it to be at least what it was before. I care way too much that is my problem.

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What Guys Said 2

  • If you release CONTROL over this guy and
    forget your feelings and needs HE is EXPECTED to fulfill/meet
    you might have a chance he'll WANT to spend more time with you.
    Otherwise, your sad tale screams out that you are drowning him, changing him to suit yourself.

    Therefore, it seems to me
    keep the bland friend, since it's too hard to change your habits
    shop for someone else to be the lover, that doesn't need to be tutored

    • Maybe you are right... I am trying not to seem like I am controlling him.. maybe my actions are sending out a different message. I can tell he liked me by what he would tell me. But he hurt me, I know he is a good person. What should I say or how long do I wait to hear back from him before attempting again. My friends and family all tell me he is not worth my time. He must have hang ups because a guy should be all over you.

    • Sorry your thought pattern is foreign to me and to friends I know.
      Love is all about the other party and your benefits from such are how they feel, e.g. if they feel great, then you do. Hurting is part of the giving love.
      "A guy should..." refers to a rule book that does not exist but is frequently referred to in divorce court. Every guy shows love differently... and from what I'm reading, this relationship has not yet had the chance to escalate to love.
      Think of planting a seed and nurturing it through growth, give, water, don't feel the pain, complement, encourage... and I'll bet you'll reap everything you desire w/o training him or mentioning your disappointments.

  • You should avoid guys like that as they always have an excuse or someway to turn it around to being your fault when things aren't going the way they would like.


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