POOF!! Is this a case of the vanishing act?

I recently started dating a guy I met online. He is 37 and I'm 39. We dated for a month with a total of 12 dates. During that time, he started off extremely eager and I tried to keep my eagerness under control. Don't get me wrong, I showed I was interested, I just didn't want to show over the top giddiness like he showed from the get go. I met all his friends during the month, of which none of them have girlfriends. He also met my sister and almost met my son. Long story short, he would also talk in future tense, cook me dinner, just hang out at his place and talk. On date 3, he told me that he wished I would reach out to him more. So, I did. The last time I saw him two weeks ago, he said we are a month into this and he wished that I would reach out to him earlier in the evening so it wouldn't feel like I could be possibly be talking to others. I told him I'm not and it should be proof that I was with him that Friday evening hanging with him and his friends. He started dedicating all these romantic songs to me and I really felt we were headed "somewhere". On date 6, he randomly said, " I'm just waiting for you to tell me you are going back to your ex or something". I responded, " where did that come from?" He said, " this is just going so well". So, I told him that that part of life is a closed chapter. Insecure much? Fast forward two weeks, no more texting, no more dates, I finally called him last week and he said he would keep in touch and get together soon. A complete turn around from whirlwind of time together that we just experienced. I made sure that each time I saw him I acknowledged how much I enjoyed spending time with him and that I liked him, especially after he would continuously tell me he liked me.I'm really at a loss with what I should or should not do at this time...Please share your thoughts!


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What Guys Said 1

  • I think he is either over-thinking some comment you may have made about your ex. or he has a past experience that hurt him and he now carries that baggage. Your question sounded pretty positive, so I think your approach looks good. Why not think about what type of communication your would prefer. If he asks you things that make you uncomfortable, tell him. If he says something that sounds strange, tell him politely, that you would like to understand him better, but that last statement is not really clear.

    If he brings up your ex out of the blue, it seems like he has an insecurity and lost a relationship previously. He is projecting this fear onto your relationship. He shouldn't do this, because you are a different person. I would challenge him and tell him that you prefer he talks to you and not to some past person that is not in the room.

    Most guys are less into a lot of conversation especially about feelings and issues which are personal. The reason often this happens, is guys are focused a lot of performing well at work. Action, not talk is prized. With private industry jobs, if you talk about issues at work too much without fixing them and moving on, you can get fired. That's a big incentive to try to move things along and solve problems. Unfortunately, guys get used to that and bring it home with them. Switching gears into a more laid back conversation can be tough. Of course this is not necessarily just guys but generally this rule applies that guys do this.

    Hope that helps.


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