Date Him or Dump Him?

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two months now. He can be the sweetest person ever and he's so funny and I just love to be around him.

But the problem is he gets very moody. I guess that's the best way to describe it. One day he will hug me and tell me how much he loves me and then the next day he will tell me he doesn't feel like hanging out, and needs some personal time. That's totally fine with me, just one example of how his feelings and moods just totally swing to totally opposite ends of the spectrum.

Another example: Recently he started a conversation up about what's right/wrong in a relationship. He told me that he thinks it would be okay to flirt with a person of the opposite gender, as long as you didn't take it seriously and it was just for fun. I totally disagreed with that statement (I think that it's a shallow form of cheating to do so) and the whole conversation blew up into an argument. In the end though, we both apologized and things went back to "normal."

That's how it always goes. He makes me feel like crap (by not being considerate of my feelings) for a short period of time, then tries to make things better when he finally cools down, by saying he didn't mean something a certain way or other excuses. Then he's all loving on me for a while, and then it cycles again.

But whenever he makes me feel bad, I tell him. I'm not one to stew over things, and I am not afraid to tell him he's treating me like sh*t. Usually he tries to make excuses for himself in order to hold onto me.

He says that he truly does care about me, he just doesn't always act like it. I think this is a load of crap, because if you care about someone you would definitely make an effort for them, right? But I don't know... I get so confused about how I feel about him.

But from a bystander's perspective, what are your thoughts? Any explanations for the mood swings? And mostly, is this treatment typical of a teenage guy? I should hope not but the question it worth it? Date him or dump him?

  • Date Him
    Vote A
  • Dump Him
    Vote B
  • Wait For A While Before Deciding
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • from what I understand, he seems somewhat bi-polar. as you mentioned, he is still a teenager. I'm almost 21 and I quite vividly remember those years. guys in that age group have no idea what they want. he hasn't lived life so much, yet. I think its more about him than you at this point. no offense. he more than likely has mixed feelings, not so much about you, but in life in general. it seems that he does like you, but he's scared about a committed relationship, which is understandable. I assume you are around the same age, so you can't help but feel "sh*t on", if you will. I've been treated like hell by a couple of girls before, and it never made me feel worse. it just happened recently. and I've seeked out advice the same way you have. I'm still questioning my own self-worth because of a girl that never really mattered, and I'm still in a volnerable state, so I don't know how valuable my advice can be. what I think you should do is look in the mirror and understand that you deserve a guy that will treat you how you should be, unconditionally. people tell me that this girl obviosly isn't worth losing sleep over. as hard as it is to accept, it is the truth. that's something I need to understand myself. its never easy. just tell him flat out that if he wants a relationship with you he needs to prove to you that he is worth it. but what ever you do, don't come off as needing him. he may see that as an advantage and not change his ways. tell him that if he wants a true relationship that you are willing to make it work, but only if he is willing to do the same. but if he isnt, then he needs to dump his cruel mentality on some other girl because you are better than that. I can tell you really care for him, and you want him to feel the same. but in the end, you can't change a person. if you tell him that he needs to get his sh*t in order, and put you before himself, than if he is any kind of man, than he will realize that he has been very selfish and self-centered. above all, let him know that you are far more important than he is , to you. make yourself blunt about it, but don't let him think that he is incharge of your feelings. if he is truly a selfish individual then he will only continue to hurt you. that's the last thing you want, I assume. make him feel that he is a secondary priority in your life, and the tables may turn. he may become concerned soley on how you look at him. it sounds like he treats you right, but only on his terms. and that isn't good enough. personally, if I take interest in a girl, I make her feel that she is truly worth it, but most girls take advantage of that and ultimately push me away. but thatis because they weren't right for me, which I eventually accept. over all just tell him that you aren't going to put up with his sh*t any more, and if he wants to be with you, he owes it to you to prove it. and nothing short of that will suffice. I'm sorry that I dragged this speech out, it kinda helps me feel better about myself to help another.

    • It's almost like you read my mind. He has told me that he's slightly emotionally unstable because of certain things in his past. I give him a lot of patience because of that. I try to help but he's very stubborn and some of the time it seems like he's even too stubborn to admit that he was wrong. I think I will give him some more time, but make myself less available to him. Maybe he will appreciate me a bit more..

    • I think you have the right idea. making youself less available to him will start making him ask himself questions. has she lost interest in me? am I not good enough? what the hell was I thinking? she's amazing. de-valuing him will more than likely make him appreciate you. I'm not saying treat him like crap. but make him ask himself those questions. don't take it personal that he tends to be stubborn. most guys don't like feeling vulnerable, they'd rather be self-reliant. I hope it works out for you

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What Guys Said 1

  • I think you're being way too sensitive about his moody moments. Every guy has them and nobody can keep up a perfect act forever in a relationship. Its good to see another guy actually showing his real self so early as to not lead you to think he's somebody he isn't

    Personally I think he should break up with you, no offense.

    • He should break up with me because I get confused? I think I'm entitled to my confusion. I have told him that he confuses me when he gets moody and he just doesn't seem to care. Do you think that's right? To not even care enough to make an effort?

    • Show All
    • You didn't even answer my question. It's not that he's not in the best mood all the time. I'm not either-no one is. It's that he doesn't care that it's hurting me. I bet you would do anything you could to avoid hurting someone you "love."

    • Though I would never intentionally hurt the one I love, there are just sometimes where I don't have the energy to give my full effort. If you really think he doesn't care if he hurts you, then you should also reevaluate your future with him.

What Girls Said 1

  • I just think mood swings are pretty common, especially in teenage boys. My boyfriend is very considerate of my feelings but he too has times where he'd rather be alone with his thoughts and anger. As much as it sucks to not be the person he comes to ALL THE TIME you have to let people deal with things in their own way. On the other hand, if his mood swings take a turn for the worst, like he starts to get really angry with you or violent in any way, dump his ass right away. Arguments are normal and even sometimes good to an extent but if he gets carried away and makes excuses for it later, he's no good.

    • He would never injure me physically, I'm sure. He just can say hurtful things. That's usually what starts up the arguments. Because I tell him that what he said made me feel bad, and then he freaks out saying that it was perfectly fine and I have no reason to be upset, that I'm overreacting, and usually tries to sugarcoat the previous hurtful statement. But obviously it was not perfectly fine, because else I'd be that: perfectly fine. I just would like him to understand a little bit more..

    • I know what you mean. Guys just see things a lot differently than we do and they try to make things seem better by telling us we're crazy. You just need to tell him that if you're saying you're upset it's for a reason and if he doesn't want to try and make it better, you can move on.

    • Thank you :)

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