Any advice for me to heal from the pain? (Preferably from guys because they know the male mind I guess)?

Well my name is Ashley. I used to be a really religious, happy go lucky girl but the more I started dating and the more pain I experienced from the relationships the more heart broken I became and now I don't even recognize myself from the person I was 2 years or even 1 year ago. I have become more angry sometimes and sometimes pretty sad? I even get thoughts about cutting myself time to time when I really hit low points. But luckily I haven't done that yet even though I've been tempted to. I want to get my life on track I want to be happy again and I do think if I can become happy again maybe I can meet the guy of my dreams?

Anyways a backdrop of my story was I started dating a bunch of guys and I always liked them more then they liked me and a majority of them always ended up leaving me. Well the last straw hit when I met this cute, nice guy. I thought God answered my prayers because this guy was also religious and he had a sweet fun personality. When I met him I was instantly attracted to him it even kinda took me by surprise since his online photos didn't really capture how cute he was. And I was kinda sexual at that time so I was flirting with him in a cute innocent way and the first day we met was good but he cut me off due to me being way too sexual he said it was for religious reasons but I later found out that he had a girlfriend or something? Not sure. The second time we met he touched my boobs lol and I got even more sexual with him and he apologized and said he had to cut me out of his life. That hurt me the most. And he hasn't talked to me since? I think I am taking this way too far and I'm making a big deal out of it than what it really is. I tend to do that but I want to get my life on track. I want to meet a nice guy around my age who won't leave me but it seems so hard?

I do want to fix my life, get it all on track and become happy again. Does anybody have any advice for me? I know this sounds stupid asking but any advice would be good :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • It isn't stupid, Ashleymaries (I have a niece named Ashley... I love that name).

    Well, I think you've got to understand that most attempts at romance end in failure. Most requests for a date meet with a "no." Most first dates don't lead to second dates. Most second dates don't lead to relationships. The difference between really great people and people who aren't so great is that the really great ones get back up when they've fallen. Churchill failed to get into Sandhurst. Grant's first encounter with Lee was a defeat. And so on. So truly great people fail, but THEY SHOULDER ON, my dear.

    Now, Ashleymaries, I think you should ask yourself what are you doing to make yourself a great gal? What's going on in your young life right now? Are you in college? Are you working? What kind of activities are you doing? Are you making yourself physically and emotionally attractive to someone? Are you making your life fun and adventurous? I think when you start to work on these things, then you'll get rid of those thoughts that are clouding you with anger and you won't want to hurt yourself. I rather suspect that the guys you've dated sense some frustration and impatience in you, and that's a turn off.

    Now about praying to God. Ashleymaries, I've noticed some very disciplined and great people pray to God. It provides focus in their lives and I say good for them! However, those very disciplined and great people I know who pray to God do NOT think of him like Santa Claus. They don't ask, "God, please send me a boyfriend or girlfriend." If you believe in God (I don't but I respect that you do), then you can look to atheists who have found love as evidence that God isn't a matchmaker. God provides you with certain attributes and it's up to you to use them as best as you can. You take care now. Message me if you like.

    • Thanks ya I'm trying to do all that stuff but it seems like what I want most in life is a relationship. lol I am not really content being single which I should probably work on.

    • It's good that you recognize you need to work on it. I hope you do. Take care now.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Ashley, I must admit that the whole cutting thing is a bit disturbing. I don't want to ruin your hopes about the "dream guy" that you speak of. That dude doesn't really exist. That guy is perfect. You'll destroy someone trying to carve and mold your boyfriends into this guy if you aren't careful. We're all settling for a little less than perfect. We make do.

    Perhaps you should try dating one guy at a time? Personally, I would be more interested in someone who is dating me exclusively, than feeling like I'm just another suitor. It's not that I'm opposed to a bit of competition. I just feel better about investing my time and energy into someone that treats me like I'm important to her.

    As far as this player that you dated... that's all it sounds like it was. A fling or quick fix. You got bamboozled, lady. Sorry to tell you. But charge it to experience. Now, you know to be careful. Don't be so quick to give it up. I know guys act like we want you to put out more, but if a girl threw herself at me first or second date in, I'd walk out the front door.

    What kind of guy do you want to attract? The way you dress, determines whether you get a boyfriend, or a husband. You do know the difference, right? I'm no boyfriend. I'm not boyfriend material. I feel like being the "boyfriend" is a waste of time. If I don't have intentions to marry somebody, we won't talk long. If I meet a girl and she's nearly naked, showing everything... Deal BREAKER!!! I go for a more conservative look. Nice skirt, and blouse with an accessory... pumps...(or boots) : A LADY!!! Be a LADY!

    • Thanks, I agree. I don't dress slutty at all. In fact I don't really dress up much which may be why I go unnoticed? I am not sure plus I am overweight so I should work on losing weight.

      And yeah I didn't date multiple guys at once I don't believe in that either. I dated one guy at specific times in my life lol I probably didn't clarify that part but ya.

    • Yeah. because you did say, "... backdrop of my story was I started dating a bunch of guys..." I thought you meant at the same time. Perhaps losing weight would be helpful. I mean if you're one of those women who panic because they gained two or three pounds, that's not healthy. But if you weigh like 200, yeah... ummm... yeah.

  • Hey Ashley, I think you may be mildly depressed. If you've been feeling low and unhappy for a while then odds are you may be.

    Also, how about instead of trying to find a good guy you let him find you? Also it seems like you are really caught up in relationships. Maybe try and focus more on other things like school or work and take a break from it all because it seems like it's really bumming you out.

    • Ya I have kinda wondered that (the part about being mildly depressed) but ya I should just let the guy find me it would take all the pressure off me and feel a lot better probably.

    • Yup. Try not to always look for assurance from other guys. You'll just get disappointed.

  • Ashley you are boy crazy right now, all you have too do is refocus your attention to you, the boys will always be there

  • Dress up and participate in cosplay events... this will fix everything


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