I have hard time saying "no" to guys, that's why I end up situations I hate!! HELP?

I'm nice and very polite by my nature. I never wanna hurt people's feelings. I rather say something nice than the truth, you know what I mean. But when it comes to guys that's leading me to situations I hate and can't really hate. Like tonight, there was a guy who knew my ex bf (I'm still in love with him and don't wanna have anything with anyone). We talked for a while, but then I followed my friends to another bar.

There was a guy I once talked to, and he came to me and was flirting etc. I wasn't interested so I said I'm gonna buy a drink. He came after me and paid for my drink though I said I wanna pay myself. I talked to him for a few minutes, and then I said I'm gonna back to my friends. He said "you owe me at least i kiss, c'mon i bought you a drink"... He just kissed me and I didn't resist. I'm just too polite.

I run to my friends as soon as I could, but he came after me again. We went outside and I convinced my girl friend to pretend there was something bad going on with her, that I needed to stay with her - that he would leave us alone. She did her best (and everyone else was laughing bc they got what was going on, she with fake tears and everything). However, the guy didn't get and he was just insisting me to go for a walk with him (we all know what that means). I said I need to stay with my friend...

and i changed a bar, had one dancing with my friends for an hour, before i went home. and saw him on my way home. Then he forced me to kiss him and I just run home. I don't know why these things happen to me everytime! How could I be able to say "no" nicely?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm like you I have a real hard time saying no but I was in a situation where I could help but say no in a firm tone, you know like not nicely. It killed me cause I felt really bad for talking to him and that manner but I had to cause he was going to take advantage of me not being able to say no!


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What Guys Said 3

  • 1. Your problem is that you are confusing between being nice and self respect / confidence
    2. You are probably covering up your lack of aggression and self confidence with thinking to yourself that you are being just polite and kind
    3. Words are meant to be used and effectively
    4. If you want a good name, get aggressive and do some good work. Don't look for getting one in each and every person you meet
    5. If you can't stand up for yourself in the name of kindness and being nice then you got no one to blame if someone goes beyond kissing :)
    6. Forget counselling etc - learn boxing or any martial arts - THAT will pep up your self confidence and aggression in the right manner :) try it and you won't regret it :)

    Good luck young lady, be happy & safe

  • Just say no I'm not interested, you can't claim people are forcing you to do things they think you want to do. Let them know you're seriously not interested and they should stop. Sounds like you need to work on your assertiveness. The main problem people like you have with the whole "being too nice/a people pleaser" thing is you put everybody elses feelings in front of your own. Telling a person you don't want to do something is your right, you're not hurting anybody, don't criticize yourself for your right to say no. If you want to make it in life you're going to have to learn how to speak up for yourself and saying no to a guy you'll probably never meet again is a good start.

    The first thing you need to learn is: nobody will get mad at you or think you hate them for saying no to something reasonable. Think about it, so many people who can't be assertive on their position let themselves be pressured into things they don't want to do cause they're too scared to say no, but trust me, nobody will get their feelings hurt over a girl who says "I'm just not interested sorry" and leaves, trust me he'll be fine, but if you don't learn how to stop being a doormat, you won't.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVF2bg_BMqk < -- Try watching this and/or looking at more articles/videos on being assertive.


What Girls Said 1

  • You are too nice without considering what others think of you with that kind of attitude. You don't want to offend anyone, for instance you gave him a kiss. For you, you're just being nice but for him, you are an easy girl. Come to think about it. :)