Did I do something wrong? violated her trust by asking her friend a question?

Ok so I have been casually seeing this girl for about 2 months now. I'm gonna call her R. Her best friend will be D

We went out to a bar one day and she insisted on calling her best friend to come there and sit with us, since she hadn't seen her in forever. Her friend and her BF came to the bar and i met them and they were totally awesome and really nice.

The next day I added both her BF and her on facebook, cause i'd like to keep in contact. I messaged the best friend, and asked her a simple question. I asked her if she used to work with one of my old friends, and that was it. then i had a simple light hearted convo to end it.

Girl R, im seeing, got furious with me and feels i violated her trust. This best friend girl D, has a habbit of flirting with guys girl R talks to, even while girl D has a bf. Girl R said to me "You added her on Facebook and messaged her just like ALL my exes" but I simply explained to her I was asking a very basic question and had a basic conversation

Girl R doesn't give me a chance to make things up. What do I do? I feel this is so stupid and unreasonable. Please dont tell me to leave her, give me an idea on what to say or do

  • you were wrong
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  • she is wrong
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Also when I told her i forgot girl D flirts with guys, she wouldn't listen to me and accussed me of being a bad listener too and said "maybe we shouldn't date cause you forgot something this important"


Most Helpful Girl

  • There are very fine lines when it comes to our significant others and their 'friends'. You didn't do anything wrong BUT you did cross a fine line by choosing to add her on FB and initiate conversation OUTSIDE of your girlfriends presence. The reason this creates such sticky situations is because as innocent as your actions might have been means NOTHING if they get interpreted incorrectly. For example... WHAT IF, D went back to R and gave her the impression you messaged her in an attempt to flirt and get to know her better? Even though its not true is beside the point... the point IS the impression you gave D (with intention or not). Keep in mind some women (like D) can be as conniving as to LIE in order to give R the wrong impression... turning an innocent incident into what you happen to be in the middle of now. So what do you do now? True the damage is done and R already feels like D got one/won up on her with you. Therefore the only thing you can do is offer R another score with you - and ya do it by serving R the goal in D's presence. For instance, compliment R in such a way that in some way (albeit innocently) insults D. Such as saying, "I think R is the prettiest girl I've ever seen" As both girls will interpret that comment as: you think R is prettier than D (score for R! Which she will bask in the glory of given you allowed her the score in front of D!) This all seems petty and childish I know, but such is the head games of love and (sometimes) friendly relationships. It's all tit for tat. Yet the bottom line thing thing to always remember when considering such FINE LINES is ask yourself, "could my actions be taken the wrong way?" and if any chance it could DONT DO IT! If all else fails then ask the girlfriends permission first (just to save your ass)!

    • From what R told me, D told her "your friend messaged me asking if i worked with X". that was it. nothing about "oh he's flirting with me"

      Also i'll practically never hang out with R AND D, so how do i fix things? Also I told R "if you want ill just never talk to her again, whats the big deal?" and she goes "you can't do anything, the damage is done" like wtf.

    • Show All
    • Absolutely! Although, she'll most likely ask WHY ya blocked her since people usually will only block a person if and when they're being bothersome. If she does ask just reply you did it because D doesn't meant mean anything to you like she (R) does ;) If (given the slight chance) she says something like, "you blocked her? that's rude ya didn't have to do that. Just unfriending her would have been sufficient!" then you play it off like, "Oh, did I say block? My bad, I meant unfriend! I didn't block her, I unfriended her." Then unblock D at your first opportunity. Altho, think R will be flattered either way. ;)

    • here's something i noticed

      Remember how i said previously, she was acting crazy and said "oh its too late now. dont worry about it, the damage is done"? (well i told another user she said that). Well yesterday when I told her what i did, i told her pretty much what you said, and i included in "its the best way i can think of to make it up to you, you know?" and she goes "i guess"

      so she didn't say to me again "oh its too late blablabla", instead she was calm and agreeing about it. i guess thats a sign of interest hmm?

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • She sounds super insecure. In my honest opinion you did nothing wrong. She has issues with her best friend that she is taking out on you. It sounds like she needs a better friend. But don't beat yourself up. You did nothing wrong.

    • How do I fix things? and thank you for telling me i did nothing wrong.

    • Show All
    • If it doesn't come up, then don't bring it up. But if she's giving you grief again, simply ask her to describe to you what it was you did that made her so mad. 9 times out of 10 when people are asked that they can't legitimately make their answer sound reasonable. If she has so little trust in you when you haven't done anything wrong yet, that made be a foreshadow of how the whole relationship will go, her not trusting you and getting angry over minuscule things. If it comes up, I would calmly tell her your side and if she can't deal with that, then that's on her. You can't make her stop jumping to conclusions. Let her know her anger towards you is not fair and you did nothing to prove yourself untrustworthy

    • hey,

      so i ended up asking her "ok so what was so wrong about asking her a quesiton?" and she replied "well its the fact you KNEW im insecure about guys i talk to, messaging her, and adding her the day after they meet her. you're just like my exes. yeah you asked a simple question, but thats how it always starts!"

      what do i say to that, and i was thinking of blocking her friend too? and maybe telling girl R that i blocked D?

  • I agree with Shybliss66. In my circle of friends it's hands off to any male that they have either dated or is interested in dating. It's what I call my "girl code" and I don't break girl code.

    • What do i do to fix this? and im assuming you agree i did nothing wrong right?

What Guys Said 2

  • Let me get this straight, she claims her best friend is a huge flirts with all the guys she's been with and has been know to stir shit with everyone of her exes. Yet here she is, on a date with a new guy (you) and she somehow thinks it's a good idea to invite her over? I just don't understand some people's though process.

    That being said, you were not in the wrong, it's clear her friend is the source of her insecurities.

    • I told her that too, i was like "why did you invite her then?" and she goes "it doesn't matter, you f*cked up, the damage is done, stop making excuses"

    • and yes you DID understand clearly

    • I just read your comment below about what she said, and I'm sorry, but she does not sound worth your time. That is straight up crazy person talk.

  • Dude, fuck her if she's being a psycho like this. Not worth your time.

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