He's choosing between his ex and me?

So my love interest and I have been talking a lot after getting very close while he was still single, and still now that he has started to get back together with his ex (he initiated the breakup, she is willing to get back with him so I'm not "plan B" or anything). We see each other often (not dates, parties and school/athletics) and have a great time together, talking about random things and playing games, etc. We've discussed our situation in that he's really into me, but he still can't figure out if he's still in love with his ex. In the meantime, we've been cuddling, touching, and kissing (nothing huge) and he continually expresses how much he likes me and how he just doesn't know what to do. I don't want to continue like this much longer because it's obviously a sticky situation, but I don't know how to get an answer from him. While I enjoy having the relationship we currently have, I'm not going to keep getting physical with him if he can't make a decision. In short, I plan on telling him exactly that (I'm not going to keep fooling around with you if you can't get your shit together) and hoping for the best, but I want to try to understand his position a bit:

What is it even like--choosing between an ex and a new gf/bf?
Should I confront him about this?
How can I go about smoothly making a decision?

I know he cares for me, so I'm not just a tool to him. We're also stuck together for the next 2 years, so it's not like he'd play me when he has to see me every day.

... Advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been in a situation where I am hung up on an ex but something is developing with a new girl. It was torture for me and would eat me up inside as I didn't feel like I was allowed to move on or be happy with someone else. I had to learn to overcome years of history and emotions and do what was right for me and made me happy for a change.

    It does take someone putting their foot down to push the decision and hopefully you've shown him enough of how you understand him and can offer.

    • I see. Thanks for giving me some perspective! Any ideas on what I can say to him to spur a decision? I don't want to just sit back and put my life on hold for this, but I don't want to be too forceful with my feelings.

    • I'd recommend spending a great day with him, the sort that puts a genuine smile on his face and lifts his mood. Let him see his own happiness coming from you. And then either later that day or the next day gently say how you feel, how you can't keep going on as a third wheel. Don't come across as jealous or angry just come across as you actually are, sad that it is hurting you to be the back up but hurting as don't want it to end. Let him know you won't wait forever and that you won't always play this game so he needs to start making a choice.

    • Thank you--that is what I'd like to do. I appreciate your input! I should be seeing him on the 19th, so I'll let you know how it goes I guess. Wish me luck ;)

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm quite in the same situation... we've known each other for already a year. he kisses my forehead sometimes says that i am cute and sweet.. Buuut he says i am his sister!!! so you try to figure out. maybe you are just friends!!! maybe he doesn't want to break the borders of the friendzone. He appreciates you but thinks that you have another role in his life !!! This is what comes to my mind. Thogh i am not sure because i am in almost the same situation!!!

  • Have respect for yourself and tell him that he can't play with you like that. You deserve better than a guy who can't decide if he wants you or not. Find someone who's into you so much he'd never even look at another girl.

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