Why do I compare every guy I go out with to my ex-boyfriend?

We broke up over a year ago and we really loved each other. I told him I wanted to be happy and he is with someone else. I have dated 4 other guys after him and I can never stay with them because I always compare them to him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • @WITSELSUCHT is right about not achieving sufficient mutual closer... I personally think that your ex must have made a significant impression on you... my first love made me attracted to females that looked and acted like her... and even 18 years later im still a sucker for dark eyes especially the kind she had... and maybe up until you met him you had a void that wasn't fillied... and once he came & went that same void desires him to fill it... and every other guy is just an exception.

    • You both are rightt. But what can I do to fill this void and forget this feeling?

    • Show All
    • I can't even look at it like thatt. I just want this feeling to go away for I can stop pushing people away and shutting people out of my lifee

    • I can understand that... well i hope it works out for you ; )

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What Guys Said 1

  • You did not achieve finality or "closure" with the loss of that boyfriend, and perhaps you feel residual guilt over your perceived responsibility for the separation. You've dated others, but I'm guessing that your association with the others did not last as long as your partnership with Number One. Furthermore, I'd think that Number One might be your first real boyfriend, whom you will remember forever anyway just for being the first actor on the stage in the drama of your romances.

    You have to accept that your affair with whatzizname will probably never resume, and even if it did it would not carry the same quality and emotional weight as it did in the beginning, and even if it did resume the fear that it could again break apart would haunt you.

    You are going out with others, so good for you. You are probably having the same experience that most of us (especially here on GaG) fear at times: that we will never meet a compatible partner. No, that is not true. You've dated only four guys, and that's not enough to meet another ideal lover. You are unique just as everyone else, but, hopefully, you will change with time (as we all do) and learn from newer influences in your ambit.

    You were not made to suffer by carrying the burden of your past. I hope you continue to meet and date other guys, and enjoy doing so, because you will learn a bit more and become a bit more sophisticated about others and life in general as you meet more people. For now, learn to meditate, accomplish small goals, get sleep, and exercise.


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