Guys, have you ever sabotaged a relationship because you felt she was too good for you or it couldn't last?

Guys, have you ever sabotaged a relationship for this reason (either intentionally or unintentionally).

Met a guy recently who is about 12 years older, has children, the women he's dated have been his age and about average in looks. He's never moved from his home town, doesn't have any formal education outside of high school. He can also be a bit of a difficult personality. However, he's very physically attractive, had a thirst for knowledge, and a life experience and way of listening/interacting that I found very attractive. Plus, he seemed ready to be serious.

I, like I said, am 12 years younger. Not to be cocky, but much more attractive than his exes. About to graduate with my second degree. Have traveled. Am about to move an hour from his hometown soon. No children. And based on his words: Intelligent, funny, mature, and he felt drawn to me.

He'd let his guard down and revealed he was worried about being hurt, that I was playing a game with him, or that I'd give up on him after I moved. Then he picked fights whenever we'd have a great day, and then came a cockiness about how maybe I am too young for him, too immature, and found a ridiculous excuse to break things off as soon as I fell for him the way he wanted me to (at first I'd been apprehensive). While he was doing so, he seemed emotionally invested, said he thought this was right and that I was right for him, but still broke it off over something stupid (nothing bad I did) and has not reached out since.

Did he sabotage this on purpose? Did he really not like me/think I'm too immature? Or was this just his way of avoiding being hurt?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Same exact thing happened to me a few months ago. First of all, you said he had a difficult personality which means he's probably unstable and/ or emotionally unavailable. Was he ever married? The guy I dated was one year fresh off a divorce so he was very guarded and had not completely gotten over his ex. He dumped me for a dumb reason too. This guy sounds like he was non committal from the start - guys use excuses like " I don't want to get hurt" crap as a way of staying aloof. He probably really liked you but wanted to keep his options open. Doesn't matter how pretty or smart you are (I was WAY better looking than my ex or any of his past GF's). It probably has nothing to do with you at all, it's his own stuff. Ignore him and don't chase him. You'll hear from him soon, trust me.

    • He's never been married. He was engaged but couldn't pull the trigger with his long-term ex. I definitely think he has issues of his own. Deep insecurities. I'd think we were doing great, and then he'd bring up some random comment I made that caused him to believe I was playing him or just stringing him along until I left. He thought too much & didn't trust easily I could tell.

      Regardless it's been 2 weeks, and I have run into him at the gym in which he said hi and then quickly went about his business. Although he did choose to stay the entire time I was there so that was something. No texts or phone calls though. I believe he's too proud to try.

    • Just keep being aloof and look like you are happy and getting on with your life. This guy sounds like trouble - you don't need these head games. There are guys out there who will be engaged 100% in the relationship and who aren't afraid of real intimacy. Good luck!:)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Pretty sure you guys just where not compatible, no guy has sabotaged a relationship because their partner was "too good for me"

    • "Too good for *them"

    • Well more so because he seemed so concerned that I might be playing him or stringing him along until I left. So he ended it first. Sort of thing. He's quite the contemplative and insecure type although he tries his best to hide it. Regardless I didn't think most guys would give up a girl they feel is a great catch, but nothing else besides his fear of getting hurt made sense.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think he did it because he was not ready to have a serious relationship again, maybe he likes you but he was not in love with you. He was not into you.

    • The weird part was that he was the one trying to make it serious. I kept saying I wanted to take things slow, get to know each other as friends, etc. and he was talking about exclusivity, long-term stuff. Even said more than once that he was falling and he hadn't felt like this in so long. It's just weird he pulled back as easily as he did if that were all true.

    • He got scared things will end up bad later on. Was not sure about the next step and you moving away was not a good idea for him to have a long distance relationship. If he care enough for you and was serious about the whole thing he'll never have done it, never. He could still have feelings for his ex.

  • No he didn't. You want him to but he didn't. It just wasn't meant to be

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