How can I let her know that I am not looking for something serious? (without appearing like a jerk)?

I am 37. Just got out of a long term relationship and i want to date and sleep with many women for a while.

I don't want to be a jerk or a player. I don't want to break any girls heart.

I met a girl in a shop and i told her she was attractive.. she is around 33 years old. we messaged back and forth for 1 month ( we live a bit far ) . We are going on a date Thursday ( after tomorrow) . I know she likes me and i think she is cute and sexy.

I don't want a relationship at the moment. I don't want to be exclusive. I want to date her. take her to cool places, make her enjoy and have fun and me as well. And have good sex.

How can i , in a decent way , convey this? On the first date? second or third date? After we kiss? before? Before sex or after?

Am i just jumping into assumption that all women would date only for relationships? Or could she also looking for just pure fun?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I once met a guy who waited until after the third date to tell me he wasn't looking for a realtionship. That was definitly too long. You should tell her as soon as possible. But don't just throw it at her. That might be a bit overwhelming. Casually direct the conversation into this direction and then tell her about your intentions. Don't lead her on. The fact that you texted over a month could probably already have given her the impression that you were looking for something serious so don't make it worse. You should probably also point out that you don't mind if she is not okay with just having a casual relationship. Otherwise she might feel pressured.


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What Girls Said 5

  • I had a guy once come to me with this exact scenario in mind. He was very honest and straight forward. He started off saying that he wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He asked my expectations on what I wanted to come out of this then he said his. (Prior to us doing anything sexually) I of course wanted a relationship and he wanted to keep it casual since we were both in college. Honesty is definitely the best policy. He told me that it was up to me if I wanted to move forward with him or not knowing we weren't on the same page. We hung out for a bit then eventually went our separate ways. Fast forward 5 years later and guess what? I'm now officially dating that same guy. The only reason he stood a chance was because he was honest and straight forward with me. Just be honest and if she can't handle that then she wasn't for you to begin with. Hope this helps :-)

    • Actually it helped a lot !! When did he say this? first date , second date? And when you say.. '' We hung out a bit '' do you mean you had a casual sexual relationship or you were just friends?

    • He said this after we had been talking for a few weeks. In college we hung out, had sex and talked quite a bit. We just wanted different outcomes. I got bored waiting for him moved on then dated a new guy for 4 years. I broke that off and randomly ended up talking again to the guy from college days. I would never had given him a second chance had he not been honest the first go around. I think fate had something to do with it.

  • Chances are she will write you off, but be honest. Like you said, you don't want to hurt her by lying or misleading her upfront.

  • Ask her what she's looking for. If she says long term relationship or something similar, say something along the lines of, 'Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lead you on, but I'm not looking for a relationship, I just want to have some fun and see who's out there'. She may be hurt, but she should appreciate your honesty.

  • You have to tell her before you have sex with her.

    • That is fine... do you have an advice on how to do this in a nice way?

    • Show All
    • No. I am not looking for something exclusive at the moment. Should i just tell her exactly like that? Also when should i tell her this... i know before sex.. but i mean.. on first date.. second.. before we kiss?

    • Tell her like that and on the first date.

  • Just say "I like you a lot. I like you as a person. but I think you are sexy as fuck. Can we just start out as sex friends?"

    • Are you serious? Wouldn't you be offended if a guy told you that?

    • well at first I was offended. but I liked him so much that I thought, the only way I can be with him is be sex friends. I think its because I was deprerate to anything that was as close to a boyfriend as possible

What Guys Said 1

  • You should have already been laying groundwork imho. Saying you're just looking to have fun with people who are looking for the same.

    Texting for a month was... probably more serious than you should have been.

    She might be looking for fun, she might be looking for a relationship.

    • You are probably right.. could you give me some examples of texts or messages that could have conveyed this message? I really appreciate your opinion. In what context should i tell her that?

    • What kind of date are you going on? You probably should have suggested making her dinner or something where there was an opportunity to get physical ASAP.

      You either formally say it, or you just need to bring it up.

      If she's offended then that's a no. And that's fine.

      You're investing too much. You're still acting like you're trying to date her as a bf.

      You're offering fun and sex. Either that's appealing to her or not.

    • You are very right. We are going on coffee date. I was thinking the next date would be dinner at my place