Am I not lovable?

I'm beginning to really wonder.

I've been in 2 relationships over the last 5 years, and both guys ended up telling me they didn't love me so that's how it ended.

I went online to try and find someone and I met this guy who I thought was really interested in me. He treated me wonderfully, opened doors, paid for dinner, and was very affectionate.

I was falling for this guy, hard. Before I met him I was just casually online, not really looking for anything, just talking to guys. I wasn't looking for love. But I found him.

Well after 4 dates, and a 5th one planned I was ready to make a move. I was planning on making a nice dinner for him and having some wine and then asking him if he saw us together.

But he texted me this morning, the date was planned for hte evening, and he cancelled saying that although he liked me, I don't give him those fluttery feelings.

So I guess I don't know what to do. I accept that this guy doesn't have fluttery feelings. But it seems like I don't give any guys those fluttery feelings.

I'm a really great girl!! Really I am, people always tell me how sweet I am. Yet I am getting more and more depressed and sad because I can't find a guy who can appreciate that and fall in love with that.

I want to have a family one day and get married. But I don't think that's going to happen unless I can fix myself so that I can be loved. But I don't know what part is broken?

Anyone have any ideas? I'm a confident girl! People tell me all the time that I'm confident, friendly and fun. I'm super nice too! And Smart, and guys find me attractive.


When I was online, I was definitely open to love. I just didn't want to get my hopes up, and well, it happened :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • U can just call it bad luck i guess. Ur question doesn't really prove anything about ur being unlovable. Can't really say about first two guys but last one did try. I think u should have taken a more forward approach with ur feelings with that guy. He might be thinking that u've not shown any special interest in 4 dates. Dont worry and u seriously dont need to be depressed. A lot of people appreciate u , adore u as u said. So obviously u r a lovable person. Be happy and stay away from depressed thoughts.

    • Yea I guess looking back I kind of held back on showing my true feelings. Thing is, with my past two relationships, I dated bad guys. Guys who didn't want me to show my emotions. One guy was emotionally unavailable and the other wanted to deny we were in a relationship. So I guess I need to just show it. But I felt I did show it to some extent. I was texting him, flirting and such. So I don't know.

      He definitely made himself seem interested. Flirting, hugging me, kissing me passionately. That;'s why this hurts so much :(

    • he probably didn't get as much as he was expecting from u. or may be since u guys were not in a relationship he was trying somewhere else too or found someone else. U need to go for a fresh start. forget about it and move on with confidence.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • May I offer a theory?

    There is a lot more to attraction, and relationships that outward appearance.

    Your heart... If it is closed off... Will get these results.

    you might not be aware of it. Your heart may have been injured emotionally by something that happened to you, or something you witnessed at an early age, that you are not even aware of it.

    May I make a suggestion?

    Stop dating. Take some time, and do a ton of self introspecting. If should be painful. it should be scary. Because those walls around your heart, that prevent you from bonding with a guy, have mortar of fear, and brick of pain. Getting past them means you must destroy both.

    And be honest with yourself. It does not benefit you ONE BIT to think you are "okay", because obviously, there's a trend, here.

    It is healthy, and beneficial for you to have an open heart. When the right man comes along, you will alienate him with your closed off heart, and hampered emotions. Do not do this.

    Always listen to your instincts. They will never let you down.

  • Dating is really just a numbers game, so just keep at it and be patient. You don't need to change anything about yourself because when you meet the perfect guy, he'll love everything about you and he'll love you just as much as you love him :)

  • Lol. Sorry but when i read your question it reminded me of this

    • That's pretty much how I looked when I was writing this question! :P

What Girls Said 1

  • You should stop falling in love. Falling in love in a natural way can only occur against a special type or even some special individuals not everybody that comes in your way and says i like you. You are confusing love with a feeling of insecurity and need for care that you have making you easily believing of anyone who shows you a little care and then getting hurt because you think you loved them and they didn't. I can say for both sides it wasn't love. You have to feel dependant first to understand love. Love is like having wings yet choosing to remain with someone or in a better view having wings and choosing to share a fly with someone who has wings like you, in both will is involved. Don't be sad it'll all get good. you're loveable everybody is and you will find the right man when you are ready to find.