Is she interested, or not? Thoughts please? Struggling girl with problems?

-Met a girl online 2 weeks ago. We hit it off amazing
-Later on into our "Dating", her severe depression starts acting up, causing her to react extremely strange to little stuff
-She told me she wants to stay single for awhile untill she feels she's stable. She is getting professional help and support
-She is doing much better, and im confused about her interest in me. She doesn't flirt back, but doesn't reject me either. So I decided to ask her whats up, after a good amount of time and progress has been made with her recovery

Me: I'm curious about something. it's been literally a month since I've asked this and you're doing so much better and seem way more stable (cause she said she's not stable for a relationship). You're doing great! I just wanna know how you feel about me and whether you'd like to give dating a shot when you're completely ready. You know i only want you and am literally not attracted to any other girl

Her: …

Me: I have no problem waiting and ill help as much as I can, i'm just asking if you'd like to give things a shot again when you're completely ready. That's all. You're doing so much better so I figured i'd ask

Her: Do you keep forgetting that i'm sick? (alcoholism is a disease after all)

Me: No, but I do know you're doing a lot better and i'd be glad to continue helping you. You've changed drastically within the past 2 weeks and it's amazing honestly

Her: yeah but a relationship could ruin everything im working so hard for right now

Me: I understand. I was just thinking we could date and I could continue to help you. It would be a double win for you. You get help and support from a bf, and love from a bf. Thats just my pov honestly. I'm not going to push you obviously, I just thought dating would be beneficial. I accept you for who you are, so dont think us dating now would inconvenience me

Her: no because it could destroy me

Me: I suppose it could worst case scenario, but i see things positive

  • interested and be patient
    Vote A
  • not interested
    Vote B
  • be patient
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

(10 mins later after last txt)

Me: we've never fought when you were sober, so you would be fine honestly. but ill let you think about it

Her: stop pressuring me

Me: im not, i said ill leave it to you


Most Helpful Girl

  • It really looks like she wants something romantic for emotional comfort. You're either not good enough for a fantasy fling for her, or you're too good for that and she sees you as something worth having, when she feels worthy of it. But right now, she most definitely is not interested.

    I don't mean to sound rude, but if you keep pressuring her for something more, you will cause her to relapse. She's "newly sober" from the sounds of it, and she hasn't yet gotten to a point were she's really seeing how it is to live sober, she's still reeling from the detox and withdraws. Her knee jerk reaction is to numb herself with more liquor. Relationship are always a roller coaster of emotions at the very beginning, and she clearly can't handle that right now at the very beginning of her recovery,

    She needs a friend right now, not a boyfriend/lover. I'm not suggesting you try to be this person, that's up to you. With addiction being the case, you run a high risk of being associated with her illness, and all of the negative feelings a baggage that come with, or with becoming a tool of recovery, a sober companion. Sober companions should NEVER be romantic partners. Sober companions are that physical flesh and blood person whom you answer to, who holds you accountable for your additions, and that can turn the romance into a reward. It shouldn't be that way. The AA program uses "sponsors", former addicts who are fully recovered for sober companions. They also strongly advocate against sponsors being the opposite sex for a multitude of reasons that I'm really not familiar with.

    • Getting clean of an addiction is also a personal choice. You can't force them give it up, and they need to give it up for themselves and their own reason or it will never stick. Don't be an emotional enabler. If you want her to get better and get over her addictions, you need to take a stand not to be around her at all when she's using/UI because every time you allow that, you're sending a message that it's OK to be like that around you.

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    • Um i was just asking questions.

      Anyway i understand and am aware she needs space and time, like i said i popped this question about me and her dating, when i felt she was doing much better

      Again, do you think she has romantic interest or not? She does not reject me (like "just friends" or "lets be friends", she simply describes the fact she's in a very rough spot right now.

    • Right now, that shouldn't doesn't even matter. She can't think that far into the future. And she doesn't want to give you false hope, because she can't guarantee how she will feel when recovered and ready to date. Becoming sober will changer her. She may not see you in the same light or feel the same way about you. If she tell you that will date you, she will feel obligated, and your motivations won't be as a friend, but a man trying to win her love. And as I keep trying to tell you, she cannot give you any kind of affection right now.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • She is not interested defiantly not , I do this when I want a man to leave me alone I've said the exact same thing because didn't have heart to turn them down

    • not rejecting someone is the best way to turn someone down? what?

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    • By the way, lying aka "making up an excuse" is not being a nice person. You're the kinda girl that causes guys like me to have trust issues.

    • I've been lied to by plenty of men , I only lie so I don't hurt there feelings I'm a nice person. I'm to nice that is my problem , I can't say no like a normal person

What Guys Said 2

  • She's an alcoholic? That's a deal breaker. There are plenty of available women out there who don't have drinking problem. Don't date alcoholics. ever.

    • She didn't choose to become one.

      I'm asking if she's interested or not or what. please answer the question

    • I don't think she's interested.

    • You can and should do better. Move on to greener plains, and raise your standards a bit. That's all the advice i've got for you! :)

  • Dude, you see you are committing a howler there. Relationship have to be on equal terms. I get the fact that you like her, attracted to her and stuff. But you have to call your own shots as well. Part of the reason why people in relationships get used is because of such behavior. You see, empathy and soft speaking is good and indispensable. But it doesn't mean that you have completely leave yourself behind, and do everything and anything to get the girl and make her yours.

    I'd say, have it on your own terms. You make a decision for what you want to do with her for whatever she can give post the therapy or anything.

    Relationship is about two people, but, that, in no way should hamper you from thing for your own. Good luck

    • None of what your post said made any sense to me.

      What are you saying or suggesting?

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    • Okay. No problem. I tried to convey that it is very clear she has mixed feelings about your advances for a relationship with her.

    • Thats something I thought about today... if a girl has mixed feelings, is that a good thing? Cause if a girl has no interest in a guy, even a girl in this rough spot, i feel she would reject me upfront right?

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