Why do women immediately reject shy men who confidently attempt to approach them when so many claim to like the shy introverted guys?

This is the most frustrating phenomenon of dating. I am an awkward, shy dude. I have been my whole life. Most women I have known have told me I'm attractive looking and cool. I am getting extremely frustrated with 'cold approaching' girls. I have had very meager success at clubs with drunken girls and besides that I've only dated and had a couple girlfriends my whole life, mainly from online dating and social circle. Nearly every time I 'approach' a girl on campus or at a mall I get blown off almost instantly or the girl says "I've got a boyfriend" (classic response) or she says she is in a hurry and has to go. I get the vibe that its because I am a little nervous, shy and awkward approaching a random girl. Why do women have such an aversion towards a guy who is a little unsmooth when he approaches? Do I have to be Don Juan and know the perfect thing to say all the time? Why don't you give shy men a chance? So what if the guys approach isn't perfectly 'smooth'. Don't you realize that he is probably cool but is just a little nervous meeting a really pretty girl?

I have approached girls who were obviously looking at me and then after I approach they blow me off within seconds just because I wasn't sure what to say or how to keep the conversation going. I have had girls that were obviously interested in me and having fun talking to me and then I say one little thing that is slightly awkward and the light fades in their eyes and they make some excuse to leave... :'( It is soooo frustrating. Again, I work out, am in excellent shape, have great hygiene, am never rude, well dressed, well educated, etc. I don't get it. Why are women so uptight and dismissive of me when I approach them? Its like they just don't even give you a chance. As soon as its a little awkward they just run away.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's probably the girls you are chosing to approach. It's possible that they do indeed have a bf and they are deflecting the attention because they are not available. Maybe some are not interested as well.

    Yes! It's definitely frustrating! But hey, I'm a girl that never gets approached so when a guy talks to me, I'm kinda shocked :P

    Awkwardness can definitely kill the mood, and the wrong girl would make a big deal about it or get turned off. But as someone who is socially awkward at times, I can understand and sympathize and let it roll off my shoulders.

    Keep trying! The only way you are going to get better at this is to try.

    Besides, meeting girls in various ways is the best way to find a good match. If you just rely on meeting in person, you won't get far. It's really hard to just do one way. So use multiple ways!

    Also, if a girl is with her friends it might not be a good idea to approach. Wait until she is on her own to make a move :)


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe it's not completely you, but the girls you're going after? Shallow girls won't waste their time. Genuine girls are more likely to dog below the not so smooth surface

  • Me personally I hate that they take so freaking long to make a move or do it indirectly
    And I'm a shy girl too so you can only imagine how long it takes unless one of us which is usually me steps up to the plate and initiates contact

    I need a guy that's gonna take the lead or else it's the blind leading the blind


What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!