Confused about my feelings -.- going for the "ugly but nice" guy?

So i'm pretty sure my guy friend is interested in me. He is one of my closest friends so I want to tell him my honest feelings, but I just can't figure them out myself :( Personality-wise I know he would be a perfect match (hes sweet, funny, caring and all that..). And I know I kinda do like him more than a friend. But physically I don't find him attractive and never really have for all those years, we've been friends now. I mean I don't have a problem if with casually touching, playfights and so on... but I can't imagine anything further than this. I know it's awful that I can't overlook this and I tried talking myself into it. It still bothers me so much though

Do you think I should still go for him or is a relationship bound to fail? would you rather be rejected by someone who thinks like this or would you be happy if that person is willing to try (because i think i would be)?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been with a guy who was less attractive but had everything going for him personality wise and for me, I was happy with that set up. Unfortunately you can't have everything, there's no complete package but you can get as close as you can to 'perfect' so long as you weigh up what matters to you most in a person :)

    You can't make yourself like somebody no matter how much you justify them as a good partner in every other way. My mum made the mistake of marrying my dad because she thought he was a good, reliable man who would make a good father. But the chemistry wasn't there and they ended up separating. So while you love somebody's personality and love being around them, without any attraction it isn't really a relationship in it's hollistic sense. It is rather a brother/sister type relationship - which is what my ex and I now have, because our relationship didn't work.

    It's natural to develop a very close friendship to a relationship because you click so well, but unless you find him in any way attractive you may well start looking elsewhere or not feel fully satisfied with the relationship in the long run. I think it's best to remain close friends personally, from experience. I firmly believe you can learn to find somebody a lot more attractive over time if you love their personality, but you have to find them somewhat attractive to begin with. I guess only you can really tell whether you'd be happy with compromising a lot attractiveness wise and whether his personality is enough to satisfy you :)

    Good luck! :)


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • He makes a good friend, but maybe that's it. If you aren't physically attracted to him, then the relationship is bound to sink.

  • Well if you're utterly disgusted by his looks, it probably won't work out on the long run.

    • well, I wouldn't say it's that bad xD I don't find him gross or disgusting. lets just assume he is seen as as less than average by most people

    • Who cares about "most people", what matters is your evaluation. If you dislike his facial bone structure, that's unlikely to change. If you think he's like 2 inches shorter than your ideal, then that can be disregarded. If it's just muscle tone quantity, then it's a "who gives a fuck" type as that can be changed if it was truly necessary, but I honestly never reaally thought that was truly important in attraction assessment.

What Girls Said 2

  • Personally, I think you both possess this "chemistry" for one another, and your feelings for him, are most likley that you are More Attracted to his 'Personality-wise' than Anything. However, being his looks go along with the package deal, you could say, you----Can't figure them out myself.
    If you are starting to 'like him for more than a friend,' let this go for Now, and remain friends. You don't want to get into something if you are Not sure and end up losing the special friendship, only to end up hurting Him as well.
    Give things More time to know one another. His personality, all the qualities that you see in him that sort of light your fire, are Highlighting his Looks, and this is why you are confused.
    I went through something similar to this one time. And surprisingly, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I actually started to be Physically attracted to my good friend. I then saw him in a different light, which made for a nice relationshiop for awhile.
    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say...
    Good luck. xx

  • i'd say leave him in the friendzone... if he indicates that he wants to take a step further tell him you're not ready. anyway it's the truth what? i know the friend zone part sounds terrible and selfish, so reject him when necessary, could say something like "my feelings for you are not there yet. i don't want to try dating because rushing into it may end our friendship" - which is the truth. it's better to remove the possibility between you two than "start with someone you really can't like yet", which rarely leads to a happy ending. don't make it to the point where he sees a lot of hope and gets sorta committed..