Why am I considered 'mean' if I don't wish to remain in the friendzone?

Yeah, its the same old story. I've been a victim of this stupid 'friendzone' more often than i would have liked. But I personally find this 'friendzone' a BIG insult, so I never wish to remain in it. Is this wrong?

Whenever I'm put into this dreaded frindzone, its obviously humiliating for me to know that i wasn't good enough for that person. Besides, when I have feelings for someone and she puts me in the friendzone, I wouldn't want to stay in contact with her anymore and suffer emotional pain on a daily basis, while putting on a mask of friendship and pretending to me normal. So I make it a point to sever all links with anyone who freindzones me (which involves removing them from social networks, email contacts, phone etc.). But these women don't take too kindly to it, and say that 'I'm mean, immature and they'll miss being my friend'. What the hell?

I know its THEIR choice to put me in the friendzone and I'm not opposing that. In the same way, shouldn't it be MY choice not to REMAIN in this friendzone? When I have feelings for someone and she sees me only as a friend, how can this even be called 'friendship' anymore? And I honestly wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone who doesn't find me good enough for her. When I don't judge them for friendzoning me, why should I be judged negatively for choosing not to stay in that friendzone?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I dont think its mean at all. You two want two different things out of eachother she wants a friend but you want more. Whats the point of the relationship or friendship between the two of you if you're wanting more out of it. It would just make you sad and who wants to be sad?

    • Yeah, exactly! I'd rather not suffer emotional pain on a regular basis by pretending to be 'friends' with someone who doesn't thing I'm good enough for her. I'd rather cut all ties and move on with my life.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I see why you got put in the friend zone. You've attached your self esteem to the position that you fill in this persons life. By being upset that you're just friends it implies your uncomfortable with the idea of looking for someone else or that you do not believe that you'll be successful with others. Being just friends with a girl is no problem when you feel like you could find someone better for you than her. The problem with being just friends is when you continue to make this girl a top priority when she's made it clear you're not hers

    • I'm talking about the 'friendzone' (which is permanent), and not just 'being friend' (which may change). Its not about self esteem, and I never place women on a pedestal. If i did that, I would be begging them to reconsider their decision. But no, I don't do that at all. I agree that being friends with a woman is not an issue. But if I develop feelings for her and she only wants be as a friend, it would be very awkward and even painful to keep interacting with her. And I just can't 'downgrade' my feelings to friendship again. So what's the point in staying in contact, and inflicting emotional pain on myself regularly while pretending to be friends? The ONLY way I can get over someone, is by wiping that person completely from my life and memories.

      Its everyone's choice, right? I mean... they make a choice to friendzone me, and I accept that. So when I make a choice not to REMAIN in that friendzone, why do they have to bitch about it?

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    • OMG, I hope its not an incurable STD which you got, such as HIV. Thankfully, I'm still holding on to my V-Card. At some point in the future, I wouldn't want to look back at my life and regret that my first time was with a woman who didn't care enough about me to stay with me. Anyway, once again I thank you for your input and taking time out to answer here. :)

    • Oh no it's curable and completely gone but thanks for being concerned and you're welcome

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What Girls Said 1

What Guys Said 2

  • Because the girls would like all the benefits of having an admirer without giving him what he wants. Subconsciously, she likes being an energy vampire. It boosts her ego and drains yours. I think you make a good decision if you decide to break contact.

  • yeah... uh... well... you just have to learn to accept it. You're getting friend zoned because:

    A. You're not attractive to them--you show no confidence, and you sound angrily insecure. Bad combo

    B. You show no sexual interest (make it clear you like them) early on, and they cease to think about you romantically.

    They see you burning the bridges as childish.

    • But then again, Irish has a point

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    • Then make it clear you want to get to know them.

    • Romantically