Looking for some advice on giving ultimatums?

I'm currently in a non-committal sexual relationship with a girl I really like. She has expressed interest in continuing on as a couple, which has been what I've wanted for a long time. However, she says she feels she may not be ready or responsible enough to be in a committal relationship with me. Basically, she doesn't know what the hell she wants. So, I've been considering giving her an ultimatum: either commit to me or we're done talking. Not only am I apprehensive because this is a very harsh method, but I also don't know whether or not I'll be able to go through with terminating our relationship completely if she decides she doesn't want to commit.

We actually dated very briefly a few months ago, but we decided to break because she was going through personal issues, including the death of a loved one. During this time, we never engaged in sexual activities. Between the end of that relationship and now, we've been very good friends, and only began engaging in casual make-outs and sex for about a month. What I'm trying to say in bringing this up is that she means a lot to me as a friend as well as a lover, which is why I'm iffy about giving her the ultimatum.

So, with this background information in mind, I'd like you to answer me the following questions: Do you think the ultimatum I've proposed is appropriate for the situation? Are ultimatums ever a good idea? With our emotional connection in mind, do you think I will be able to handle the possible negative outcome of this ultimatum?

I'm also worried about the psychological stress this will put on her, and I'm not sure I want our relationship to start with such a selfish act.
Then again, by choosing not to commit to me, she is essentially having all the benefits of having me AND being single, which is also very selfish. It's all pretty complicated...


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not a bad ultimatum: it's a logical one. If she wants to string you along based on her psychological inconsistency, then kick her to the curb.

    • Thanks for the Most Helpful :) appreciated

    • You're quite welcome :) Thank you for the advice.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • Sometimes you have to be willing to take the L.

    • What exactly do you mean by "the L?"

    • The loss. You have to be willing to walk away if you're not getting anywhere. Therefore, your ultimatum is probably a good idea.

    • Thank you, man. I'll keep that in mind.