How useful is it to tell unattractive men and women to leave you alone and go date other unattractive women and men?

Firstly, those who wish to debate whether or not ugliness and beauty exist and/or whether or not ugliness and beauty are strictly subjective might want to consider asking their own question. There's a host of evidence that suggests that attractiveness, in particular UNattractiveness, is not very subjective... unfortunately (believe me, if anyone wishes this weren't true, it is I). Those who want to debate the shallowness aspect of this may do so here:

I have seen a number of people suggest that unattractive people should simply date other unattractive people (sometimes with a tone of "and please leave us beautiful people alone," but that's another debate). My question is, if YOU are attractive, yet you find unattractive people, well, unattractive, why do you think ugly people find other ugly people attractive? I don't think they do (I have unattractive friends who are married to or dating other unattractive people. The solution they've come up with is to image having sex with someone else or see prostitutes on the side. That's a solution I think to be avoided).

Believe me, I understand that attractive people don't have to give unattractive people the proverbial chance. However, why do you think ugly people have to give other ugly people a chance? Don't ugly people still have to be sexually attracted to a person?

Would it not be better to suggest to unattractive people to do everything in their power to make themselves more attractive?

Those interested might want to take a look at my other question on a somewhat related topic.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with what you're saying to a certain extent. Genetically, we are hard wired to want to find someone that has traits we want to pass along to our offspring. Slowly throughout natural selection, traits that people don't desire will die off while the ones they do will live on. On the other hand, it annoys me when I see a less than attractive guy only seeking out really attractive girls, while bashing the girls in his same "league". I think you should strive for whoever you're attractive for, but know that if you aren't attractive you'd most likely have to work harder to be with someone that is or who believes that you are attractive. Though I do believe that certain people have traits that appeal to more people, I am one to believe that if you are less than attractive to most, there are people that will still find you to be beautiful.

    • Hi, Dcosse. I too get irritated by people, men and women alike, who bash people in their same league. Tell me, which do you think is a more useful solution:

      A) Encourage an unattractive person to become more attractive
      B) Tell this person that "there are people that will still find you to be beautiful."
      C) Both
      D) Other (please explain)

    • I'd have to say both. For instance, if a chubby out of shape person only wants someone who's in tip top shape, I'd tell them to get in shape to get the type of person they want, but to also realize that there are people who also find them beautiful.

    • I see, and I tend to concur.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • I don't know about usefulness, but it's pretty effective.

    • How is it effective, Bluefire876?

    • Well if I had a boyfriend and he just flat out said that to me, I sure as hell would leave his ass pretty quick.

  • I actually read somewhere that you tend to want people who are as attractive as you are

    • And I have read somewhere that isn't true. If that were the case, than albinism would be much more common than it is. It's a hereditary trait and it isn't all that uncommon a mutation. Nevertheless, albinos, both human and otherwise, typically die childless. I think what in fact is the case is that people tend to take what they can get.

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    • Yeah. But albinism is extremely rare, which is part of the reason why its considered ugly. There's plenty of people with unattractive traits (big forehead, weird nose, etc) and there's lots of people who just don't mind those things.
      And ok? I don't think they were lying? I have idea why they would gush about how hot they think some girl/guy is and then actively pursue them if they find them ugly? ?

    • Suppose it's a relatively common trait that is unattractive. Weight for example. Would you suggest to such an individual "Well, date someone who is overweight. Never mind that you don't find this person attractive." Or would you suggest to someone, "Perhaps you should consider losing weight and thus be able to attract someone you yourself find attractive?" Which seems the better alternative to you?

      People actively pursue people that others don't find attractive for a host of reasons. Sometimes it's because they personally find this individual attractive, even if you don't. Other times it's because they hate being alone and would prefer to be with someone, *anyone* (even if they find that person ugly) rather than being alone. I personally have known people who fall into the latter category.

      Do you believe, still_waiting, that there are some people who virtually everyone will find ugly (please note I said "virtually")?

  • It is not useful... It just creates boundaries and physical aspect won't bother anymore, it will be the mentality or ego will bother here.. Why not accept who they are and be friendly to both attractive and unattractive people?
    If talking sexually, then it is still not useful because I don't think attractiveness is a big deal... I have known a lot of attractive friends happily married with unattractive ones...

  • *Facepalms*

  • I think people say that because I think we all know people we don't personally find attractive who seem happy together.

    • I respectfully question the idea "we all know people we don't personally find attractive who seem happy together."

      Is this your solution? Tell them to date someone they find physically unattractive because "I think we all know people we don't personally find attractive who seem happy together?"

      When I inquire further, I have found that people who do not find their partner physically attractive are not very happy together.

    • I'm not saying every couple feels that way, but some appear to. I think helping people increase their attractiveness would be a good start.

    • I tend to agree that it is a good start, Anon.

  • Everyone knows how attractive or unattractive they are. They know who they can or can't get

    • Well, sadly I have to disagree with you about "everyone knows how attractive or unattractive they are." Not everyone knows that. Some people need more time to figure it out than others, so it seems.

      However, do you feel this is a very useful answer? Do you think the ugly fine other ugly people attractive? If they do then there is no problem. However, if they don't (and I think they don't), then what do you suggest they do? Date someone they aren't attracted to, or try to make themselves more attractive?

What Guys Said 5

  • Wow. "The solution they've come up with is to image having sex with someone else or see prostitutes on the side." Just wow.

    Hot people don't put nearly as much thought into it as your suggested path would require. All hot people want is for the ugly person to go away and never come back.

    • Perhaps. I'm hoping to engage them into thought.

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    • You never said these were friends. I assume strangers.

    • Well, I tend to be of the opinion that it's worth helping out strangers, too.

  • Unattractive people know better than to waste their time going for people out if their league.

    • Alas, I wish this were true, lordalex818, but it doesn't seem to be. Tell me, do you think unattractive people find other ugly people attractive?

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    • Are you sure? I have known unattractive people who have tried being with another unattractive person and they assured me they did not find sex particularly enjoyable with that person, nor did they find it preferable to being alone.

      I know you're under 18, but try and follow me through this thought experiment. Suppose when you grow up that you have a son or daughter who is, for whatever reason, unattractive to most if not all of the opposite sex (or same sex if they're gay). They come to you for advice. "Dad, I'm starting to suspect I'm unattractive. What do you think I should do?"

      Is your answer, "Well, you should then know better than to waste your time going for people out of your league. I know you find ugly people ugly, but surely having sex or a relationship with another ugly person is preferable to being alone, isn't it?" Is this your answer to your (theoretical) son or daughter?

    • Lol, I'd tell her it's one for his/her mom. But in my head, that's probably what I would be thinking.
      I don't think I'd make a very good parent.

  • Simply turning them down is enough. After getting turned down enough times; expectations will lower.

    • I dislike the term "expectations" when it comes to attraction. I'm not talking about what is expected. I'm talking about what is desired. Will an ugly person desire another ugly person more and desire attractive people less? I don't think so. Nor do I think telling someone to lower their desires (or, since you prefer the term, expectations) is something that will make them happier.

    • I don't think telling them to only ask unattractive people will do anything other than hurt their feelings. It could easily make them insecure and bit ask anyone out. Although this would only benefit other like minded attractive people that would say such things to others.

  • Surely I'll meet that scenario in the future

  • Many people are aware of their looks. Some don't care and have confidence and charisma (mostly works with guys and yes guys with money and humor) and they go after any pretty person they want and others stay lonely and others find other ugly people.

    • Which do you find the better solution, Anon? Stay lonely and find other ugly people, or have confidence and charisma? Or would you suggest they improve their appearance (if that's possible)?

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    • No, media, peer pressure, and stigma DON'T beat out "hard wired."

    • Ok you're right

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