Can I ever have a loving and fulfilling relationship without fully trusting my partner?

I wouldn't say I was someone who had 'trust issues' but no matter who they are, be it friends, family members or partners I can never trust someone fully. I can trust them to a large extent where I am able to share some but not all of my feelings and thoughts, but I will never fully trust them and I will often keep my feelings and thoughts to myself.

I've tried being more in tune with my emotions and feelings, I've tried to be more trusting but I felt less of a man, I felt weaker and more vulnerable to ulterior motives.

So can I have a loving and fulfilling relationship with a woman without necessarily being completely honest with how I feel and what I think?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Your lack of complete trust for another human is a type of defence mechanism. You know we are not perfect and although you can trust your partner to a certain extent, you don't want to entirely reveal yourself to them, because you're afraid of getting hurt.

    It's understandable, but will also make for a really shitty relationship. Your partner will notice you don't let on your full self and they'll start blaming themselves, which will ultimately lead to break up, especially if your partner was an open book to you and you weren't willing to reciprocate.
    They will feel like you don't value them, that you believe they will stomp on your personal secrets and insecurities and they will wonder why you refused to be honest with them.

    Unless you're ok with living a lie and pretending to be honest, it will not work. But think of it like this: does your partner deserve to be deceived from the start?

    • I can't argue with any of that, I just believe men should be the strong silent type, I remember reading plays and stories like Romeo and Juilet and feeling an air of embarrassment with the actions of such characters. I will of course share some of my feelings and thoughts with a girl, but only if I feel they are necessary. For example if I get jealous, what would be the benefit of me informing my girlfriend that I'm jealous or showing that I'm jealous? It would make me look weak, it would cause unnecessary drama and probably start an argument. In the same token does my girlfriend really need to know every single thing about me? Does she need to know every minute detail no matter how small and irrelevant and do I constant need to tell her how I feel or what I'm thinking? It seems excessive and unhealthy to me, plus as I say such information can be shared among her friends or used as ammunition against me in an argument.

    • Disclosing every second of your life and feelings can't really be called trust, just excessive information.

      But that's the thing, that's where trust should be based. If you believe your partner will use your weaknesses against you in an argument or to badmouth to her friends - that's not a person you want to be with in the first place.

      Trust is when you can tell your s/o anything and know for a fact they won't use it against you or disclose that personal information to others, because they understand how dear it is to you.

      I honestly get where you're coming from, because I used to think the exact same way. It really depends on the person you're together with. I felt so relieved and happy when I met someone, who I can tell literally anything and not be scared that they will use it against me in the future. It is a truly fantastic feeling to find someone you can trust completely and they won't judge your irrationalities, but accept you for who you are.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • No. There is no fear in love so you cannot have love without trust.

    • The thing is I will trust her to a large extent, I just won't fully trust her, so there is trust there, she just won't have all of it.

    • Show All
    • Love IS submission, humility and venerability. It is the antithesis to pride and hate. It's gentle, and non-coercive. It is the full manifestation of selfless sacrifice.

    • All of that sounds like complete fantasy to me.

  • Yeah I'm sure it can happen , all past relationships and current one I don't fully trust or be completely honest to them. You can still love them and have a fulfilling relationship.


What Guys Said 2

  • Complete honesty is an absolute must in a "serious relationship". Things have a way of finding their way into your relationship at some stage. In other words, they become known. I have been there and would rather have had my ex come to me, talk and be honest rather than hiding things that ultimately ended our relationship... Honesty is sometimes hard to deal with when it is exposed, but I promise you, far less hurtful to deal with than when it is exposed by someone else rather than yourself. Especially after many years in a relationship.

    I am referring to a serious relationship though, and not one which consists of mainly flirting and a bit of fooling around... if you plan on making a life with someone... come clean, be honest and share as much of yourself as you can... If anything it creates greater trust and stronger bonds... Good luck.

    • I find that people will use what you tell them against you, it almost becomes ammunition especially in an argument where tempers flares and people's mouths run without any control.

    • Perhaps "some" people, but not all people. By painting everyone with the same brush, you may be losing out on the opportunity to build a fantastic and trusting relationship with someone.

      Tell them what is important to know... in other words, only things that could potentially have an impact on your relationship... Better coming from you than from the other people that are hurtful and non-trustworthy...

  • If you think you can pretend to be someone you're not your entire life than yeah? having a relationship is an investment of emotions, time, and effort and if you're not going to be honest with yourself or your partner i doubt you're going to get the ideal relationship

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