I broke it off with my online boyfriend, did I make the wrong choice?

i still really love him, the only reason why I decided to end it was because he 'didn't know' if we were ever going to be able to meet. he got arrested a little while ago and he's 2,000 to 3,000 dollars in debt to the courts and his dad, and he doesn't have a job even though he's been searching high and low for one. but where he lives the unemployment rate is at its highest. he doesn't even have a cell phone to call me on. so I decided to break it off because I couldn't deal with not knowing if we would ever be together. I told him to IM me when he has good news, and he was scared that if he did I would be over him by then and he wouldn't matter anymore, but I assured him that he would always matter to me. so hopefully, when he has money and is able to contact me in ways that aren't just through the computer and we could finally meet he'll tell me. but I'm not sure if I made the right decision. I feel like I shouldn't have broke it off with him just because he doesn't have any money, its not like he doesn't want to be with me and meet me its just he cant. what do you guys think?

oh and we've been together for 2 years btw.
dhkfhsd he called me last night (:

all thoughts of him being a creepy pedophile are gone. (:

seriously I'm so happy right now. we talked for like 4 1/2 hours until like 730 in the morning.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand how hard that can be. I always used to make fun of people who met people online until it happened to me. He went to high school with my roommate & we had many mutual friends, but I never met the guy in person. I was shocked when I realized that even though we had never met, hugged, kissed,etc. I really really liked him. Stronger than I had liked almost any guy before. So I understand your situation.

    However, it's not the online part that's bad. He doesn't have a phone, or a job and he just got arrested. That would be enough to dump a guy that you do know in real life. Plus, the online thing can only go on for so long. You have to eventually meet the person. After about 4 months of talking with my guy, we realized it would be too hard in our current situations to make anything real come out of it. So we settled for friends. 2 years seems like an awfully long time to have never met the person.

    I think you did the right thing for a multiple of reasons. If it's supposed to work out it will.

    • I think the fact that I love him despite all of his faults (getting arrested, not having a job, etc.) really means something though.. he's perfect to me despite all of that.

      thats exactly how I look at it though. if its meant to be, it will be.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • I'm gonna avoid the fact that this is an online relationship, and treat this like a real one. You did the right thing because he sounds like a deadbeat. Not financially stable, prone to getting arrested, unemployed, etc. You may say that you love him, but being with him wouldn't be being fair to yourself. You can easily find someone in real life that you love even more, plus you'll be able to maintain your self respect.

    Dumping him == good choice. Hoping that you two will be back together in the future == bad choice.

  • I think any "relationship" based strictly on instant message and email is an awful premise.

    These are not relationships, they are hollow conversations that sound great, but are not worth the effort beyond being someone you socialize with when on the internet.

    I do suggest you step away from the PC for awhile and try finding someone in 3-D form that you can relate to.

    • See, I hate when people say that because online relationships do work out in some cases. just because I've never met him doesn't mean we can't really love each other. I respect your opinion but its different when you talk to someone almost everyday for basically two years, and they know every little thing about you have helped you through all the bad stuff.

    • Show All
    • I wouldn't call them online relationships, but when I was a teen, I had a few girls make some wild claims that certainly grabbed my attention, and made me more willing to listen to them at the time.

      It was a worthwhile experience in learning how to be more discerning with the information that people are willing to share. People say a lot of things on the internet, that's all I can really say about it.

    • Good luck with that.

  • There hardly seem any future there, whatsoever. My guess is, he was using the net to appear as someone else. Or to at least try starting over. So he hoped by talking with you he could forget his real world problems. Such as debt and his jail time.

    It was wise you left him.

    • But he wasn't 'trying to be someone else'. its not like he played it off like he wasn't in debt or didn't have a job, or anything like that. he told me everything that was going on in his life and didn't try to hide anything. we're talking again and he called me like 3 days ago for the first time, it was nice. and I don't know if we'll have a future or not, but I hope most of you are wrong (whoever was opposed to our relationship)

    • You can give it a shot

  • Not much of a future in this relationship. Reread what you wrote.

  • You made the right choice to get away from that situation. Raise your standards.

  • I used to always believe there was no way you could ever have a connection with someone you hadnt met. I believed you need access to all the senses, sight, touch, smell, taste to really have a connection. That being said my closest friend is someone I have never met, we aren't together and never have been. With both have our heads screwed on right and know what's what so we aren't caught up any type of fantasy, but it is completely possible to care about/love someone you haven't met. Quite a few of my friends and family have married people from another country so anything is possible, but both people have to want it bad enough to make sacrifices.

    In your situation, the guy simply sounds like he isn't making any effort. If that was me and I truly loved you I'd work double shifts, I'd do any job going to get enough money together to come see you. People who make excuses are generally a waste of time. You didn't leave him because he doesn't have enough money, you left him because you were frustrated.

    A relationship, whether online, offline or on another planet won't work unless both people want it to.


What Girls Said 6

  • I agree with the previous posters. Any guy who honestly loved you would be doing absolutely everything in his power to find a way to make things work out with you.

    Believe me, I do understand how you feel. Sometimes, it is easy to convince yourself that the stupid things a guy does, getting himself in trouble, owing tons of money, etc. don't matter, because you love him. Trust me, I've dated my fair share of deadbeats. But as one of the other girls said, you are still incredibly young, and you really sound like a sweet girl. You deserve someone who will be with you & take care of you. Trust me, very few guys who get themselves into that much trouble will change.

    I'm sorry, this probably isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth. You did the right thing. I hope things work out for you. Just remember, you are young & you have plenty of life ahead of you to find someone who will love you completely.

  • well. if he meets you in person then I would say he's for real at least about meeting with you.

    if a guy doesn't meet me in person and it's an online thing, I would second guess what his intentions are.

    if he was my guy,it honestly would be hard for me-he's in jail and he's in a jam right now...so...it might be best to be less attached

  • Yes, it's definitely possible to find true love on the internet, but actual face time is invaluable. You can first meet online, but if you can't see each other, then it's really just not meant to be. Sorry to be so honest, but that's the truth. Love can blossom online, but if you can't ever meet each other and be together physically, then it'll never work. Emotional connection is definitely important, but so is a physical connection.

  • It's a bad idea to "date" an online person anyway... You never know who you're really talking to... He could really be a 60-year-old child molester or something.

  • Firstly, Online boyfriend?

    Get a real one. No offense.

    Also, if he’s in that kind of situation, it’s best to get out of it, move on, and find a REAL boyfriend.

    Who you can hug and kiss and really get to know properly. Y’know...

    Maybe I’m just harsh, but, you can be anyone you like online. You can have any personality, you can be anyone.

    I’m not saying he’s a pervert, but he might not be the guy you love.

    Anyway, I may be misinterpreting the WHOLE thing, so, just follow your gut feeling and follow it through to the end.

  • There is no way in which you can be in love with the guy. He is just someone who is on a computer. You have no idea who he is and he could have quite possibly lied about who he is, is age etc.

    Love is something that takes time to happen. It is when you know and understand a person inside out. You know what makes them happy and sad, you are willing to stand by them no matter what and you are willing to give up things to help them and be with them when they need you.

    There is no way in which you can tell if this guy and you would have got on, some people get on fine when they talk online but when they meet in person it does not translate or work out. Also if it has been 2 years you have had plenty of time to arrange to meet, no excuses. For all you know he could have a real life girlfriend and could have been talking to other people on the internet.

    You are not even 18 yet, you are still so very young and have a lot of growing up to do and learning about relationships. You should not be worried about boys at the moment, plenty of time for them when you are older, wiser and more mature. You should be hanging out with your friends, having fun, doing the things that young people do and meeting people of your own age.

    Im not saying that everyone on the internet is not geunine but it does not work unless you meet the person in real life, have a real relationship where you spend the time with the person and can see if the connection goes in to real life.

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