How do you know if a girl just wants your attention, but not you?

So i've been talking to this girl i've met online for... 2 1/2 months now.

a month and a half into "talking" to her (so that was a month ago) we finally met up and had a blast!

I've asked her why we barely hang out, and here's some of her responses (in chronological order)

- "I rarely leave my house" (which is true, but when she does, she either runs errands or is hanging with her best friend of 8 years)

- "i have social anxiety and can't even go to a starbucks by myself"

(I finally met her)
-"i feel uncomfortable and awkward hanging with you because i dont want to develop feelings right now. I'm going through depression and home problems"

-she always says "maybe" or "We'll see" to hanging out. I finally upfront asked her if she's saying a polite no, or means it. she said "i mean it, my mood is always changing" (idk what that means?)

However she casually flirts back and gets offended when i do stuff "a single guy can do" so to speak. So basically she likes me, and wants a relationship (she said that when we first started texting), but we barely hang, and i dont get it?

also is there a specific question i could ask, to see if she just wants my attention/a texting buddy or not?

  • She just wants attention
    Vote A
  • not enough info/likes you?
    Vote B
  • other
    Vote C
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
When i met her, she said she only met me cause she was drinking that day and that gave her to confidence to meet me

also, she's asked me to hang sometimes but ended up flaking out.

also, she'll hang with "new guy friends" sometimes but not me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's hard to say here, cause if she does have anxiety issues with being outside then that's really hard to deal with. Like certain situations may be triggers for her and she could have a panic attack. It sounds like she has some other issues though, maybe depression. Anxiety often leads to depression, and that makes your mood really messed up. I used manage this girl who had depression, and some days she just wouldn't show up to work (just randomly), like she actually couldn't get out of bed. So it can be pretty debilitating. If she doesn't live to far away, maybe suggest just hanging out at her place? So she's in a safe place...
    But look, you're a young guy and this is hard for people to deal with, so it's okay if you want to back off.

    • can you elaborate on

      "she always says "maybe" or "We'll see" to hanging out. I finally upfront asked her if she's saying a polite no, or means it. she said "i mean it, my mood is always changing" (idk what that means?)"


    • maybe or we'll see is probably her telling you that she's not sure how she'll be feeling at the time, and she's probably worried that if you see her when she's feeling down or depressed (or like crying) you won't like her anymore. Or mood could be specifically down to anxiety, like if she starts feeling anxious it's usually best to go somewhere quiet and breath, ideally outside... A lot of people can find this behavior strange or they might think it's something they did...
      I'd say she's just trying to find the right time to hang with you, cause she doesn't want you to see her panic or have a panic attack. She's probably scared you'll see and leave her, or feel sorry for her or something. And she cares cause she really likes you.
      But look it's really hard to get into the mindset of someone with anxiety/depression, i'm really only speculating here. But it can be difficult to deal with.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • I think that -to her mind- you already are dating. What you two are doing constitutes as dating to her. If you're not happy with this arrangement and you wish to date a girl who actually wants to do things YOU want to do, then you should probably tell her that whatever she's doing isn't working for you. That you feel for her, but you have to have a life of your own.

  • You don't. That's kind of the point of stringing along. Makes it seem like she wants you to get your attention.
    If you can tell the difference, she has failed.

  • It sounds like she likes you, but has some issues to work out. I believe patients will be a virtue for you with your new love interest.

    • what tells you that she likes me and isint just using me?

  • basically she just want your attention and only your attention maybe if you stop for a while and she what happens you might know where you stand from there i hope this helps you

  • This has nothing to do with her "just wanting attention" and everything to do with her having a mild case of agoraphobia.

    If she's not willing to change to overcome her anxiety, it's going to be a long road of you playing the hot and cold game with her. If you really like her, let her know that you don't mean to make her uncomfortable and just enjoy spending time with her. If you're not up for the work and hassle, move on.


What Guys Said 2

  • is her friend of 8 years a guy?
    I would say "damaged goods" that were ran over by a bulldozer again about 10 times, but if she's hanging out with "new guy friends" thats pretty shady.

    • Agreed. Dont waste your breath.

    • Show All
    • It means insanely fucked up in the head, with a mountain of problems. So long term 8 yr male friend is the only one she regularly leaves the house for, the other people she hangs out with are random guys she meets. Seems sketchy and I wouldn't wait an entire year just to date her, especially when she's hanging out in person with all these guys. It's like if you were dating a p*rn star and she wanted to save herself for marriage with you. It's just soooo strange imo.

    • Well she rarely leaves the house, and I have no idea of she does or doesn't hang out with all these guys. I just know she has only guy friends and no female friends, which I hate personally

  • Maybe it's due to being a bit older but I don't have time for games like that, if it were me I just move on and find someone who isn't messing me around.

    • She might actually just have depression issues though, I'd at least try understand that a bit better.

      But the messing you around is unlikely to change otherwise.

      Life's too short to waste wondering does she this, does she that, plenty of other fish out there.

    • Show All
    • Hm, if she really has depression issues, then her mood probably really would change a lot. I was assuming that maybe she was just kind of making excuses and being vague but if she really has depression issues then these might not just be messing your around, it may actually be how she feels.

    • Depression - depending on type - often comes with lots of mood swings. Up, down. Social, withdrawn. Etc. Add to that that she seems conflicted about whether she wants to develop stronger feelings. When you're in that position, you can't even trust your own feelings because they change erratically, she may have difficulty even trusting her own feelings as they may change from day to day or hour to hour even.

      She may need time to develop trust with you and need to know and see you plan to stick around and care in the long run.