Why is the bad guy always the go to guy in relationships?

I've always been the "nice guy" because that's how I was raised but I see it all the time girls go for assholes or I get the "your to nice" line does anyone know why?

  • I pick nice guys most of the time
    Vote A
  • I pick bad guys most of the time
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I no it sucks. the reason for this is a couple things:

    1) the bad guy is adventurous and makes girls feel so cool and rebellious.
    2) the bad guy usually is confident, knows just what to say, and will be the one to talk to the girl, ask her out and go right up to her. the nice guy usally doesn't make the first move quick enough or is to layed back.

    personally I love the nice guys. bad guys might be a fun temporary thing, but I would never get serious with a player or a bad guy. nice guys are who you want to marry and have a family with. if your having trouble finding a girl... maybe just look for ones who are more mature, older and ready for a nice guy


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • I pick the one who makes me laugh and treats me with respect. I don't pick guys who go on and on about how they're such nice guys but girls only go for jerks. If you have to tell everyone how nice you are then you probably aren't all that nice.

    • those are the jerks im talking about i honestly just wanna know

    • I can't say why exactly a girl wouldn't want to date you considering that I don't know you. If you keep being respectful and maybe a but more assertive then things should work out soon.

  • I think it's because the "bad guy" is kind of off limits, he's the guy her friends warn her about, he's dangerous and you know girls. They want what they can't have!

  • It's not that bad guys aren't as good as nice guys, it's that girls usually prefer guys that can take control of a situation.

  • I like the nice guy with a slight bad boy side. The full bad boy thing is childish though! Nice guys are guys, bad boys are boys. No one wants to date a 30 year old boy, that's weird!

  • Might mean you're not being forward enough, or exuding that confidence and masculinity that many girls are attracted to. You can have a ton of great qualities (or bad qualities), but if a girl isn't attracted to you and doesn't feel chemistry with you, then she likely won't date you. 'Nice guys' tend to not take the lead, they're more passive, won't take any control, they don't push things forward with a girl, don't show clear interest, etc. and a lot of girls don't know how to deal with that so they just call you 'too nice'.

    I don't tolerate guys who treat me badly. I don't date assholes. However, I also like guys who aren't passive or moldable, who are their own person, masculine, like to lead, and don't come across as asexual (it's clear they're into me).

    Try to see past the nice guys vs bad guys trap. There are other kinds of guys, and they're more desirable.

  • I picked attractive guys most of the time, sounds biased I know, and most attractive guys in my opinion are bad guys sadly.


What Guys Said 4

  • The "go-to" guy really is the worst way to put it. When girls get hurt, they often flock to nice guys.

    There's nothing inherently wrong with "niceness", but being "nice" becomes progressively more narrow when male sexuality is considered almost-demonic. Simply put, men are told their libidos are disrespectful and oppressive to women, so they hide their libidos to be respectful to women. I would argue this is a misinterpretation of what women actually MEAN, but they honestly aren't doing a good job of correcting themselves. Rather, we are condemned for being confused.

    If girls are turned off by something, it isn't niceness. It's most likely a lack of sexual energy and a tendency to just "give up and conform". The idea that good, respectful guys often fit this category comes down to how boys are raised.

    Think about school. If a boy gets rowdy, can't sit still, or roughhouses, we say that's a "bad boy". But how is this disrespectful to his peers? It isn't. But he's told he's a fundamentally immoral human being because he can't sit still and read.

    As Christina Hoff Sommers puts it: "Young girl behavior is the golden standard in classrooms. Since boys are much more rowdy than girls during this age, they are simply treated as 'defective girls'. "

    This means boys are told that most of their natural behavior is inherently immoral. Thus, to be a "good boy" you must ignore your desires, hide your energy, sit down, and shut up.

    We're taking whatever desire a boy has to be respectful to others, and using it to strip him of many of his more-interesting characteristics.

    Thus, you have the boys who wanted to be "good", who ultimately risk becoming "boring". And then you get boys who weren't too concerned with disappointing their parents or teachers, so were more inclined to not care and rebel. They become more interesting, but less concerned for the well-being of others. Even viewing it as a "weakness".


    • Thus, we CREATED the idea that a guy is either a jerk, OR boring. Or conversely that a guy is either nice, OR interesting. We used good guys' respect to strip them of interesting qualities because it makes them less conforming, while ensuring that the only interesting guys left are the ones who had to disregard how others felt. This isn't a natural phenomenon.

      And meanwhile, this so heavily embitters the guys who DID try to be good to others on the terms they were taught.

      We need to separate the idea that seeking adventure or taking risks is a misbehavior. THEN we can start helping nice guys better round themselves out and "overthrow the jerks".

  • it's not that, it's that nice guys are usually fat and ugly. it's the sad sad truth

  • cuz nice guys are boring and have small dicks.

  • The number of times that the internet has seen this beat-to-death "good guy/bad boy" bullshit is honestly astounding to a level that cannot even be described lol. So I'll go ahead and avoid ripping on you for getting so stuck on this shit when (I assumed) it's common knowledge that BORING, fake guys finish last as they say.

    Instead, I'll ask you a simple question that may just be rhetorical. You blame being nice on how you were raised... but have you ever once realized that this is something you can learn and work on? Something you can change? And also to realize a couple of things:

    1) Most of these "nice guys" that I see talking about "bad boys" are bitter about it to the point where ANYONE that isn't like them (overly fake/forced "nice") is a "bad boy". Anybody that so much as teases or plays around with a girl is an "asshole". And anybody that doesn't put the girl on the absolute highest pedestal that ever existed is a selfish, uncaring prick. This is a lot of the reason why this shit is so silly and beta dudes get made fun of all the time over it.

    2) These nice guys are as bad as those PUA type of dudes who act manipulative in order to get a girl to feel a certain way about him. They put out this fake, forced niceness and expect to be rewarded for it since they're such a white knight, such a rarity in the world today, and girls are just stupid for choosing an "asshole" over this guy. When in reality, they're choosing a guy that is funny, fun to be around, shows them a good time, isn't a pushover or a doormat. Do you think the caveman got anywhere by being an awkwardly extreme nice guy? Fuck no, because he had to beat animals with a sharpened stick in order to eat. He didn't have time for all that bullshit.

    So basically, why do you think how you are is set in stone? And do you think you could be guilty of seeing this topic in that black-and-white scenario that I mentioned above in #1?

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