First date help?

Ok, I've got a couple dates scheduled, and I want to know if there is anything I can do to avoid winding up as "just friends". I have plenty of friends, and no matter how much I like a person, I am NOT looking for any more.

Any ideas on how to be taken seriously as a guy, and not be labeled as a "friend"? It has happened FAR too often in the past. I've had few girlfriends, but many girl "friends". Lately it seems like I'm stuck in this rut worse than ever. Any ideas?

Ok, the first two dates are lined up. Seeing a horror movie (Orphan) in theaters this weekend, and going to the zoo next Tuesday. Any specific advice for these scenarios?


Most Helpful Guy

  • In my opinion, this is BY FAR the most important way to avoid sliding in to the friend zone:

    *Don't act like you want to be her friend. Instead, behave like you want to be her boyfriend.*

    When a guy ends up in the friend zone, it's almost always because he put himself there.

    This means you MUST make a move to get physical by the second date. Everyone's timing and expectations are different for sex and getting physical ... but as a general rule of thumb, you should go in for a kiss by the end of the second date at the VERY LATEST. There's no magic moment, there's no single cue that she wants you to kiss her. You've usually got to just be bold and go in for it when it seems like there's a window of opportunity.

    There's not necessarily anything wrong with opposite sex friends. But if she is NOT interested in you as a boyfriend, it's an insult to yourself to be her friend when you want more. So if she says she only wants to be friends and you want more, that means she's dead to you. Move on, and have some dignity. Don't flatter her ego if she's one of the abusive, teasing girls who'll give you crumbs enough that you think there *might* be a chance with her.

    • Almost exactly right.

      *Don't act like you want to be her friend. Instead, behave like you want to be her boyfriend*...I am stealing this line. Thanks in advance.

      But you do want to check the vibe, her body language, and her general situation when deciding when to get physical. If she has a boyfriend, or on the rebound, or if she's very inexperienced, or wounded, the way forward will be more uneven and unclear. You don't stop being the boyfriend, but your expectations should shift.

    • Show All
    • Arisato: It might be good to make a move during the movie. Put your arm over her shoulder, hold her hand. If she seems to reciprocate, you're probably safe for a kiss a while later.

      At the zoo? If it seems like you two get along and she likes you, try holding her hand as you're walking in the zoo. Again, if she reciprocates and seems interested, go in for a kiss a bit later.

      Good luck!

    • Yeah, we're kinda childhood crushes who haven't seen each other in 4 years. So getting the dates lined up was easy once we started talking again. But I don't want to fall into being just a friend after all this time.

      PS: the movie had to be rescheduled due to conflicts with our work. But we both called the day off for our zoo date (and I've used the word DATE several times with her, so she doesn't misunderstand) so we are still on for that.

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What Girls Said 1

  • the fact that you're gonna be on a date is good progress.

    be flirty with her by telling jokes, lightly touch her hand when talking, or her back when you're walking [be mindful where that hand goes, of course]

    make lots of eye contact.

    try to get close to her, maybe hold her hand if she likes.


What Guys Said 1

  • "I have plenty of friends, and no matter how much I like a person, I am NOT looking for any more."

    In addition to being the truth, it's also a good line. Use it.

    • When and how? It seems like if I just throw that out of the blue, I could come across as a jerk.

    • When? When she says "Let's be friends" or something like that.

      How? In your words, exactly.

      P.S.: You're not being a jerk if you tell the truth; you're being a jerk if you lie, and a stupid jerk if you lie to yourself.

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