GUYS, based on what do you judge a first date?

I've going out on a couple dates and the results seem to be a pattern reoccurring. The date (in my opinion) would be going amazing, no awkward silence or anything like that but afterwards the guy always seems to be pulling back. And before the date, they'd always be messaging and clearly interested but seem to lose that interest after the date. I personally don't think anything is wrong with me (but obviously I may be bias to myself), so what do you guys think some reasons may be?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're doing something that you're not noticing. Ask your guy friends because they would probably be able to tell you more honestly than your girlfriends would.

    Could be anything but something is obviously happening during the dates. Are you coming off as super clingy or super detached in any way? Could be another reason.

    • I may be a bit detached, yeah. But I mean, it's only the first date and I need to see if I like the person first before letting myself get attached. But isn't that common logic though or guys see that as a turn off?

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    • No no, I don't even look at my phone only at the end to see what time it is and I'd have to head home. Couple months ago I was told that I come off as too nice or innocent by a girl I barley knew (so I can see that can be a first impression) but is that a problem to guys?

    • No it's not. Well, maybe... if you're dating a bunch of assholes that just want to get it in. But that's the problem, I can't tell because I don't know them.

      It could also be that they're just not digging your sense of humor. Maybe you're a little different.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Maybe they act keen before the date because they're hoping for sex, then as the date progresses they lose interest because they realise you're not a push over. If so, that's a good thing and they sound like douches.

    • Yeah, you could be right. I want to say they didn't seem the type, but who can you really trust nowadays?

    • Trust no one. Unless they're me, but I'm taken lol.

    • Aw, bummer! lol

  • Whether or not we "click", her moral values, etc. I look for positive long-term traits. Some guys do look for easiness too.

    • What I hate is that the messaging continues but you can see that there's slow pull back. Do you guys get annoyed if a girl simple asks straight up what you thought of the date?

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    • Yeah, I guess when it comes to stuff like that you can never generalize. It all depends on the person and their personality. I'd only ask if I was annoyed. I like things straight up. Things don't work out, it's life but I hate when people try to "slowly" let the person down, now that's ANNOYING.

    • Shit, I *completely* agree. A girl was just giving me some jive recently as well. I don't know why it's so annoying. You likely wouldn't care as much about things going sour if they were just honest.

  • almost nothing, in first date u both nerves, so i never decline a girl after first date... always give another one so u'll be more relaxed

    • Exactly! I mean, either something is very much wrong with me or guys just simply dislike second chances!

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    • Lol, sure. On here?

    • send me a message

  • "What's wrong with me?" is the wrong way to look at it. When you go to interview for a job for example, you ask, "What's right with me? What can I positively offer?"

    Really, you're more likely to get a job based on the fact that there's nothing wrong with you than you are to get a relationship.

    So just start thinking in terms of what you can offer. Try to see it from your date's perspective and ask what would make me want to see this girl again if I were this guy?

    • Well, whatever I say about myself may come off as narcissistic. I am confident and I know any guy would be lucky to have me (not in a conceited way but I am proud of myself) but I don't know what it is. I've tried with different type of guys, different ages, different career levels. It's all the same so I know there is something setting them off.

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe you talk too much or seem too outgoing - guys like girls that are a little bit quiet. Don't try to hard to win him over or he will feel like you are pursuing him instead of the other way around.

    • That's the thing! I'm not very quiet in general, but with guys, I am! And most of the ones I've been on dates with were very intellectual and I enjoyed just listening to them, to be honest. But no, I don't think I talk alot. Maybe I talk too little, lol.