Attention shy guys or girls dating or that have dated shy guys!!

I have been seeing a guy for 1 month. I came out to him about my feelings For him. He was super happy I told him because he had been wondering if there was something there ( because he always thought there was but was too afraid to ask). Since then we have hung out about five times and always have a blast together. But the problem I have is... I told him I liked him, I leaned in to kiss first, I have had to ask him every time I want to hang out, he never starts a text convo with me, and when he replies it takes 2-4 hrs to respond back. Is that normal? Anybody else dating a shy guy and feeling like this? Or is he just not that into me? Not sure what to think bc when we do hang out, we can't stop talking and it's all good.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds like an introvert. My girlfriend is an introvert so I know what to expect. He needs his space. Messaging really quickly is likely very exhausting so he tries to space it out. You're lucky you get a response , actually. It took about 9 months for my girlfriend to get to a point where she can message me often-ish and ask to spend time together, although she still doesn't initiate the conversation often. We're also the same in that when we hang out it's all good, just messaging doesn't happen much.

    Kissing is something that will either come naturally or you need to express your concern about him never leaning in. I myself generally initiate but about 7 months in I got annoyed that I always had to do it so I talked to her about it and it's now 60:40 .

    Patience and communication is key when dating a shy person/introvert.

    Best of luck!

    • Thank you for your response. I don't think I should cut things off with him since that is just the way he is and all he knows. So u would recommend being forward with him an asking him the questions that I asked you all?

    • Considering it's only been a month I'd say it definitely would be drastic to cut it off without discussing it. And I definitely could recommend being straightforward. If anything he does bothers you then you should discuss it before it becomes a deal breaker. Do it gently though. Instead of saying "I'm getting ticked off that I have to be the one to initiate everything", ask him if he's afraid or something. If he is then be understanding and say something along the lines of "I know that you may be worried about bugging me but I'm never annoyed by you, I want you to be comfortable with me and show me that you want me" (something generic like that. Assuming you do want that kind of closeness already)

    • Most helpful. Thank you

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • the not asking and not taking initiative part is normal. the waiting 2-4 hrs to answer is not quite normal. is he busy or does he just not pay attention to his phone for some reason?

    • Yeah, he is super busy all the time. I have asked him if I was always going to have to plan the dates and he just laughs and says he has never asked a girl out

    • hmm a slighty douchy touch there xD but maybe he is just that shy. try asking him to do it next time.

  • He spends time with you, talks with you and you are wondering if he likes you? He does, he just takes time to share his feelings.

    • I thought sometimes guys hang out with girls just bc they feel bad or are letting them down easy by not talking to them.

  • well he could be scared to bother you. like if I ever text anyone I always kinda scared, I don't want to annoy them or bother them. Like also I would hate to appear clingy you know. Its just a fear of smothering someone to the point the don't talk to me anymore, Oh im a really shy guy by the way. like I have never approached a girl and don't think I could, just so scary. Maybe you could just ask him, he might open up about it


What Girls Said 1

  • Ugh yes and I usually give up after a month because I hate initiating everything! That's just the way it is unless he miraculously grows a pair

    You'll haveto wear the pants in the family... Or maybe he doesn't have a lot of experience and doesn't know how to act

    • I Probably just need to be straight forward and tell him he needs to step it up a notch... Or ten!

    • Show All
    • I'm definitely going to try that. So far only 1 day of no contact and nothing back but I think it will take a few more of those until he realizes I wasn't kidding about not wanting to plan all of the dates

    • Good, I hope he takes the hint ;)

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