Possible Co-Dependency Issues Between Boyfriend and his Mother?

My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I have been doing great since our recent 3 week break and have gotten back together. We are very much in love, but before we get too hot and heavy into our relationship again I want to know if we have a future together. We live 1.5 hours away from one another and he is 49 and has never left home, I am 50 and have my own house and am separated. He lives with his 70+ year old mother who seems to be very independent and travels the world alone (currently she is in Ghana for almost 2 months on a missionary trip). He has told me in the past that I am the one that he has searched his whole life for. The issue here however is that he seems to be very scared at the thought of leaving home and making a life with me. What do I do? How do I talk to him about this? How much talking should I do... little bits at a time at least once a week to make it seem less scary or what? I have never had to deal with anything like this before and I am at a loss how to deal with it. It seems that he feels responsible for the well-being of his mother even though she just picks up and jets off to various places all over the globe for weeks and months at a time.

I have been applying for jobs in the area where he lives and will be selling my house to relocate closer to him. We had been house hunting together a few months ago but I am thinking he might have just been doing that without having true intentions.


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What Guys Said 1

  • He has to show some progress. Maybe moving in together, slowly at first. He needs to address his fears and talk them through with you.


What Girls Said 1

  • Men really don't ever change their ways past age 25 unless there is an ultimatum they can't avoid. That's been both my experience, and the experience of others who shared their wisdom with me.

    • I brought this issue up to him last night because I don't want to continue with the relationship is it is a dead end. I told him that I want a life partner... thought it was him, but this is a deal breaker. Currently we see one another on the weekends but it is not enough for me.

    • Good for you! Be strong!