Not sure what to do about this. Advice?

Alright, so right now my girlfriend (let's just call her that) are somewhere between dating and in a relationship. We've been together only for a month now so this is a new relationship.

Well, here's my dilema. She's a big time studier, or so she tells me. She studies literally every day and it has increased even more recently because of the upcoming Finals exam. This has dramatically interferred with how often we make plans to see each other. We see each other on average about once every 2 weeks because of this along with her job. However, I never let it bother me too much, because I understand her reasons.

Now, something has changed recently. Out of nowhere, she stops texting me. She doesn't respond to any of my texts and this goes on for 7 days, (note that after awhile I became worried something may have happened to her, but had no way of knowing) until one night I call her and after the call goes unanswered, she texts me saying "Sorry, will text you after Final...".

I'm starting to feel like she doesn't have time for me, nor for anyone at that matter. We both really like each other, but this is a new relationship and I'm not liking how things are starting off. Do I have a right to be concerned about this? Am I being too needy for her time? Let me know what you guys think. Any advice would be appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You have a right to be concerned because you don't want to put in all your effort in a fairly new relationship when she doesn't even have the time to text you... and I can understand if she didn't text you for a day or two cause she needed space but a week is a long time. Personally if I was in that situation I probably would try to explain to her that if she is going to be in a relationship with you that she needs to find a balance for hanginout and studying... Yes studying should always come first but she needs to be putting in the effort to see you and talk to you and if that doesn't work I would end it cause your going to be wasting your time when you could be with someone who has time to see you and puts the same amount of effort as you do

    my opinion and I'm not saying your gnna going to do this but I feel when situations like this happen it ends up leading to cheating or flirting with other people

    It is early enough where if you did end it it wouldn't be as bad as if you guys were dating for 6 months! Hope this helps!

    • I'll admit, I have been tempted to cheat and find someone who will give me their attention. However, I couldn't forgive myself if I ever did. That's just not me.

      Your advice really helped, thanks!

    • Aww I'm glad :) good luck with everything! Hope it works out

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What Girls Said 4

  • I DO think you have a right to be concerned. A relationship requires both parties to put in the time, energy, and effort to make it work. Right now it sounds like you're holding up your end, but she isn't holding up hers. Does this make her a bad person? No. But it DOES mean that she should not be in a relationship. It's not fair to you if she cannot make the time to involve you in her life. I don't think you're being needy at all. I think you have expectations, which you SHOULD, because you're dating each other. That means you should realistically expect to see the person you're dating, and to spend time with them, on a relatively often basis. And right now, that isn't happening (seeing each other). I think the most important thing you said in your question is 'I'm not liking how things are starting off.' The beginning of dating is usually a very happy, exciting time. To me, this sounds like work on your end (trying to see her and talk to her, and not getting much result) so far. I think you should really reflect on if you want to date someone who can't give you what you need/desire. I know you like her, but if she's not able to be an equal participant in forming a healthy, happy relationship, then you really need to consider ending things. I think it's unfair of her to date you, KNOWING she can't be available much. As I said, you're not being needy, nor unrealistic. You're wanting a normal dating relationship, you're wanting to see her more often than every 2 weeks- that's VERY reasonable and that's what dating SHOULD BE. Barely seeing or talking to each other is NOT normal dating. So on your end, you're looking for something normal and legitimate, and she isn't giving you that at all.

    • I had thought about that same thing myself - "Why would she enter this relationship with me knowing she has little to no time to spend on one?" Maybe she was lonely? I don't know. But next time I talk to her, I'm going to let her know how I feel about this.

      Thank you for the insight and advice!

  • She probably needs more hints that you truly like her and want to talk. Tell her more of your feelings. I think she likes you for sure, but you need to talk to her more. (:

  • Girls like her are great, she'll go places because she puts in so much work, maybe too much.
    Just not so great in relationships sometimes. Sometimes it's best to just wait till they finish studying.

  • Wait till after finals. Some people handle it better then others. I need destressing time during studying, but I have friends that just lock themselves in their room and don't talk to anyone for the whole week. It depends on how you cope.


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