One of my closest friends is a guy I've been friends with for 13 years. Recently, I think I want more?

I met my friend 13 years ago. We know everything about each other and have supported each other through the most difficult times. He is separated and in the process of a divorce. He has 3 amazing kids. I also recently went through a bad break up. We leaned on each other and supported one another. Several times we ended up getting drunk and kissing. One time we had sex. We decided not to pursue anything because we both were so messed up emotionally and we didn't want to mess up our friendship, He is now in a new relationship. He doesn't seem that invested in the girl. Lately, I have been thinking that I would want to date him, to be with him. Do I pursue this, do I respect his new relationship and just be his friend? If I do pursue it and he doesn't feel the same will this ruin our friendship?


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  • Sure, pursue it. Life is too short to give up on an opportunity. Why does this new woman deserve that kind of respect? All's fair in love and war, and all that matters is who wins. And if you wait for them to break up, you could lose. And losing's no fun. Who matters more to you? This woman or your guy friend?

    If you pursue and he rejects, it depends on what kind of people you are if the friendship will still work out. However, that's no reason to deprive yourself of someone you're (probably) in love with. Life is a game of chance, so may as well throw the dice and see what happens. Better to do the thing than live in fear (or regret) of it.


    "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."

    -Oscar Wilde-

    • This right here.^^^^^ I was about to start writing a response when I read yours. Oh and I'm stealin' your Oscar Wilde signature. Finally, someone else out there that gets the concept men and women should not and cannot be "friends." Well said Rawrzz. Give yourself a pat on the back.

    • We have maintained a lengthy friendship and nothing changed when we had sex so I am hoping if I decided to go for it and it didn't work we could still be griends

    • Thanks Social. It's just one root off of my lowly-cynical-bastard-but-still-correct tree. It's actually pretty depressing, but at least I'm right.

      It could go either way, really. Depending on the situation of the aforementioned boning, if there were no expectations of commitment, then it might have been easier to ignore afterwards. So, don't think you know what will happen, because it'll hurt that much more if it doesn't work out (of course, again, this is no reason to try). Since I don't know all the details, I can't say as much as I'd like (which is still verbose, I know). But, I think you may be right. In any case, it sounds like it's more likely that it won't destroy your relations with him,

  • A little tricky. You need to let him know what you are feeling, but you should realize that if it does not work out for any reason... will the relationship be over entirely?

  • Go for it. Its always good to be best friends before you take things further, as long you think both of you can handle it go for it!


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