Is this normal for a shy girl?

I've been crushing on a shy girl for a few months, and I have not been getting clear negative or clear positive signs. I'm very new to dating (I'm a little late in the game, I'm 18), and I don't want to overthink or push too far.

I got her number right before the school year ended. Every time I talked to her in person, she seemed very interested in talking - SOLID eye contact, laughing at my jokes, etc. Whenever I text her, I ALWAYS initiate, but when she replies, we always text back and forth for at least 2-3 hours. The problem is, she does not always reply. I tried asking her to hang out 3 times - the first time was a yes (and I really bombed out on showing interest, which was my bad). The next two times she said no, but gave me specific, detailed, and admittedly good reasons why she was not available (vacation, work trip).

Based on her Facebook profile and our conversations, I have noticed she does not reply to me only when she is already busy (work, at a concert, etc.) I had a class with her in the past, and she didn't say a word, so I really don't think she likes initiating. To the best of my knowledge, she never had a BF before. She seems to have a small group of 2-3 girls she always hangs out with. She is also close to her family.

Whenever we do talk (in person or text) we laugh a lot. She carries on the conversation by asking me tons of questions about myself, and she freely answers questions I ask her.

What can I do next? First of all, do I still have a chance with her? School starts again on Friday, and I have a class with her, so I'll see her in person again. What can I do to progress this a little further?


Most Helpful Girl

  • This girl likes you but she's definitely shy (like me). So I don't think she'll ever take a first step with you, but she'll secretly hope for you to keep getting close to her. With a shy girl you don't want to scare her, you want to take things slow. You definitely need to go talk to her next friday, do what you always do, show how you feel with little things: give her attention, help her out with something, give her a compliment here and there. Slowly build trust with her and ask her out on something very casual. Things usually happen very naturally, you don't need to worry!

    • Thanks! I'll try to do that. There is one place where we both like to hang out at school, so I'll try to build trust/help her out with work/talk some more there. Also, I'll guess I'll try asking her to have lunch eventually.

      The lack of replies does scare me sometimes, but then she responds perfectly later. I think that is just her personality (at least I hope!).

    • Show All
    • Thanks! I think I'll be able to judge her much better in person. I really can't wait to see her - 2 more days! Any suggestions on ways to approach her?

    • Well, as soon as you see her, go say hello and start conversation just as usual, in a very relaxed way. With a shy girl you must be patient, so usually the best approach is to build a friendship, show her attention, make her comfortable. You'll see that, the more you see each other and talk, she'll feel more comfortable initiating too. I'll be rooting for you ;)

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What Girls Said 3

  • As a rather shy girl myself, I think she's just waiting for you to make the first move. I don't think I would EVER make the first move, because like I said, I'm rather shy. She seems to like you, so do something, because I don't think she will.

  • She likes you!
    Go for it!!!

  • I think you should make the first move. Shy girls usually don't. But she certainly likes you!

    • Thanks! I hope I can get things a little further once I see her on Fri!

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