Is it possible to be too nice in a relationship? Guysssss!?

I've dated three guys in my life as of now, and the last two said I was too nice and if I was a lot meaner they wouldn't have cheated on me, (but keep in mind I didn't want to have sex at the time) but I personally don't like to play games. I'd rather not have to struggle for power, I don't want it. I want to be about my business and him be about his but my bf now hasn't called me in 5 days and he said I call too often and we have nothing to talk about so we agreed he would call me but I don't know what to do. Am I being too nice or nah, haha. Serious question tho.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've had relationships in which I was the dominant partner and others in which I was the submissive partner (albeit a very stubborn one). Of the two cases, I've found myself preferring to be the submissive partner, or at least that my partner be strong-willed enough that I respect them naturally, rather pseudo-respect them at the behest of ideology.

    One of my former girlfriends expressed a similar viewpoint to yours, that you dislike power struggle and playing games. I think she misunderstood though - it's not about subservience but rather the maturity to be forthright in your conflicts; it was not uncommon that the only way that I could bring to discussion a conflict that she had was to initiate a sit-down when suspicious that such a conflict existed. She lacked the will to bring forward and address an issue promptly and confidently, and that permitted such issues to come to a head before they were addressed. Perhaps this is not so near a case as I suspect.

    Overall, I've found that a good partner is an active and forthright partner - someone who brings up issues as would a diplomatic, rather than as a rebel bursting out angrily after have sustained the conflict over a long period.

    Considering the particular issue of calling too often and not having anything to talk about, I recommend you call at a limit of once per day or once per two days. Have a list of things you want to discuss prior to making the call so that you don't waste time or end up in the unpleasant state of being in a call without really discussing anything and those preventing yourself from doing something more interesting. Keep calls short - I'm usually able to have a conversation with a goal in about two minutes. A conversation about my day and asking questions about another person's day - 5 minutes. If a conflict is in discussion - 15. Anything much longer than this will create boredom, which will cause your partner to dislike calls in general.

    Did you mean something else by nice?

    • Not really, we actually were talking once a day, and I keep the calls short, but never that short like 30 min. I haven't tried the list idea. We just finished talking and he doesn't want it to work out so I'll probably keep that in mind for a future relationship or something. But yeah no, I normally don't wait five days I just wanted to respect our previous decision.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Just because you aren't playing games, doesn't mean he isn't. If you doesn't want to talk to him get him to answer why. Forthrightness is essential to any successful relationship. They want to see if they could control you; don't!


What Girls Said 2

  • They cheated since you didn't want to have sex NOT because you're too nice. That's just an excuse they made up.

    As for your boyfriend, don't call or contact him. Let him do it. Just try occupying yourself with other things and he will eventually contact you himself sooner or later. Just be patient.

    • Yeah I figured we were young and hormones, but thank you.

    • So in other words play games. Ladies this only works for so long and often ends badly.

    • Play games? How's she playing a game? How about you men actually call when you say you're going to. :/

  • They are blaming YOU because THEY are cheaters? You're only too nice if you actually accept blame for their behavior because their bad behavior has nothing to do with you. Those guys are cheaters.. you could have been too nice, too mean, or some where in the middle and the fault would still be theirs because they cheated... and cheating wrong.
    It would have been better for them to break up with you for being "too nice" but instead, they stayed with you while being with someone else which is stupid and mean... "too mean", if you ask me ;)

    • cheating is wrong*

    • Honestly it just occurred to me that you're completely right, I'm not too nice for accepting that, I'm stupid, and I'm happy I realized that now, because I normally just accept the blame as it is their opinion, but I'm entitled to my own opinion about myself. EnLiig4t3NeD~~

    • Better to be too nice than too mean right? haha :) Hope I helped :)

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