How do you date a girl when you're too afraid of giving her your heart and trust?

I am 19; past heartbreak and bad experiences have hardened me to a certain degree but I want to date.

I find myself being very cynical in my viewpoint when it comes to people. I like them but I don't trust them.

*I can't really afford to "not date", I feel I need to gain experience at this point in my life but through the lying, deception, and manipulation that's out there; I can't understand why someone would make themselves vulnerable to another.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You dont. You bang her and leave


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What Girls Said 3

  • You simply don't date her until you learn it's okay to give another woman your heart and trust, and that your past relationship (s) was nothing but an experience in life - - Something that you can change, and all you can do is move on from the situation.

    If you tried to date her without being fully content with yourself, and being okay with giving her your trust and heart, can cause some serious issues in the new relationship that will resemble the bad experiences in the past relationship (s).

    • Hmm... you are young but I'll entertain this notion. I mean no one is perfect, I plan on dating, at my age its important to gain experience.

      Why should I be ready to give my heart and trust to someone so early on?

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    • I like your attitude, SillySilberman, you sound like a strong person.

    • Thank you. At least, I try to be a strong person. I've lived a lot in my life thus far, and with that I've come across many experiences - - Many good, and many bad. You need to live a little, learn a little, and learn how to laugh at yourself.

  • You and 90% of everyone else. You don't have to immediately trust people, it's not a big deal. Most people feel the same way you do.

    • So when is it relevant, when do you say; "hey I am willing to open up my heart to this person"?

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    • Yeah, I meet girls who I go out with and I am thinking "hey, she's cool". But then I hear stories all the time about girls who've cheated or betrayed their friends.

      I think if I opened up to her she could just as easily hurt me as these other girls I've heard about have hurt their partners and friends.

    • So? Many people do that shit, many people don't. Everyone who dates has the same fears if they're smart.

  • Honestly, I recommend not think of dating as something you must do because life is about being optimistic rather than cynical. Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what you like? What is there to improve on? This means personality too, if you like how you are, then pls dont change... past experiences usually make us who we are, and just because you claim you are "hardened" it may not be true. Look at life optimistically and sooner or later you will find a girl to do the same. Opening up with someone can be very hard, especially trusting them because it seems everyone is out to get you, but just learn to forget about it and trust others. I used to have this problem, actually i still kinda of do but it is something to work on. Good Luck!

    • Thank you, I like who I am. I always try to get better though.

      But I just have issues letting go and being 100% open.

    • which is something we all have to overcome, not everyone can open up.. actually most people cant, because in everyone's life at least one person has deceived them, lied or did something behind their back whether it be a friend, bf/gf, parent or loved one... but if we dont overcome and move on, we can't grow as a person and be happy

    • Yeah its a good point. When I first started meeting girls before the bad experiences happened, I was fairly open and open minded.

      Then afterwards, things changed. I feel less willing to be in a serious relationship, too much risk involved.

What Guys Said 2

  • I think you'll understand it better and you'll feel compelled (and even have a desire) to make yourself vulnerable once you've met the RIGHT girl.

    Simply dating doesn't mean that you need to give yourself fully... it's just a way to find someone that makes you feel that way. So don't go into each and every situation with the expectation of yourself that you need to become vulnerable to every single one. Just keep trying and keep looking, and when you find the right girl I think you'll open up naturally because you'll want to.

    Also, just out of curiosity, have you given yourself enough time in between your last relationship and now to recover?

    • Yeah its been 3 months, I've gotten over her for the most part but I am always suspicious of people's intentions. The bad ending to the relationship just made me even more skeptical.

    • Oh okay, I hear ya. Maybe you just need a little bit more time to kind of get over that past relationship and the hurt that came at the end? There'd be no shame in that, ya know, needing more time.

      I also think it'll help you to remember that you don't need to open up to all people right away. Take it one step at a time, and build to the point where you're ready for that. You'll get there again.

    • Thanks for the suggestion. I am not "serious" with the girls I meet so I feel somewhat safe but I do want to eventually move on.

  • You can definitely afford to "not date," Anon. There's no schedule to your life. You go out with a girl, because you like being with her.

    The thing about attraction and love is that you're vulnerable and awkward with each other, and that's okay. That's how you get closer to each other.

    If you're distrustful and paranoid, you should talk with your ladyfriend about this. Relationships are about communication. Try and keep it at a level that you're both comfortable with, and if that can't be reached, you probably aren't suited for each other (and that's okay). There's absolutely nothing at all wrong with being single :) You're an awesome, amazing, and COMPLETE person by yourself!

    • I need to gain experience at some point, though, I am not dating girls seriously just hanging out and meeting up, not becoming very intimate or anything.

      I feel 19, is a good age to start trying to gain experience, I waited till high school was over.