What is happening, can any ladies that were hurt in the past answer this?

Im very confused and before I list the story, I have to say I've never been with a girl who's had this situation and I honestly am trying to handle it as best I can, but if you could give me any advice that would be great.
Date girl for 3 months
Take her out numerous times, around 7
She always is super happy at the end and thanks me and thanks me through text and says she wants to do it again
Does the whole handholding thing in public and was always clinging to me
When things escalated from making out, she got scared and we had a talk. she was really hurt bad in the past and hasn't dated anyone since, the guy tried to force her into doing things she didn't want to and use her and cheated on her. I care more about her as a person and wouldn't want to force her into doing anything she isn't comfortable with. I told her this and was completely honest, and she said she even liked me more and wants something with me. But wants to be sure of this, before she commits and knows we will get intimate. I then just invited her out to do little things to get to know each other more with less pressure than like a date. She wasn't able to do them, so I talked to her again. She still wants to do stuff, so I left it up to her to plan the next thing we do. But we haven't contacted each other for a week. Did I do the right thing? How do I go about something like this?

Thanks everybody, I meant with the last part that Im letting her do something with me. I always was the one doing the dates, so I thought that letting her decide when she's wants to do something would be less pressure.
i wish i could put most helpful on everything here, thanks so much. I'll give her a text in the next few days if I don't hear from her. Ill let you all know what happens


Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound like an awesome gentleman! and good for you by sticking it through and not runnin off. Since this situation has come up, she's probably dealing with the hurt again, and maybe even dwelling on it, it seems like and probably scared. That had to be a horrific experience, I can't even imagine. You did and are doing the right thing. While it's not good I wait around forever give her a bit more time. Let a few days go by and let her know you're thinkin of her or "hey hope ya have a good day" she likes you and a lot it seems. She'll get back to you either way.

    • I did that, and she thought it was really sweet and wished me the same. Is it up to her now, or should I keep doing little things like that

    • Yes, keep it up but give some time in between. She might take it as a hint and intiate the next move.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I was with a guy when I was 15 and he was 19 and he forced me into doing things that I wasn't ready or comfortable in doing, I got hurt really badly and when I finally got out of this relationship I feel into depression because I felt like I wasn't deserving of anyone and so I've found it hard to do things with other guys. By the sounds of it she's really into you but she's scared of getting hurt again and she's probably dwelling on the past which is way she hasn't contacted you in past week, but if you're concerned about her, just give her text or a call to see how she's doing and if she wants more with you when the time's right she will tell you, but until then you'll just have to take things slow and just keep telling her that you'll wait until the time's right for her and as the time goes on she'll started to trust you more

    • But let her initiate the next time we see each other, right?

    • Yeah, but don't try and force her to make a decision too soon just give when she's r all the time she needs an when she's ready she'll tell you :)

  • I'm kind of the same. I've never ever had a boyfriend but I've been in love with this guy for 2 years... And he was only my f buddy, I would go into detail it's complicated. Anyway right now, I'm having a thing with this guy, he said that I'm confusing and stuff and I told him the same thing, that I got really hurt in the past and I'm scared that I'm gonna get used...

    . Right now just enjoy it. If there aren't any problems, then don't start to create one in your head. And if you really like her, just respect her whatever she says. I'm sure she likes you! So I suggest just see how things goes and where it goes Remember, only time can tell everything. Hope I helped x

    • Thanks, the only thing is there isn't anything to enjoy right now cause were not talking or hanging out now

  • you have to take it slow with her. Women with past history are sensitive. Do not pressure her. To show your commitment to her, make sure you stay in the loop. constant communication is key. Don't be so serious. one step at a time. and she will beg for it!!

  • I suggest that you stop letting her "plan things" etc. Don't seem like you expect something from her. The best you can do is let her now that you can do without it and that you are willing to let her decide. Leave it up to her, let her be the one who takes the first step for something more whenever she feels ready. Be good to her, don't pressure things and show her that you really care about her.

    • Im just letting her initiate if we hang out again. I was the one always planning things. We haven't contacted each other in the week. I've just been waiting for her, is this the right way?

    • Show All
    • ill do that tomorrow and see what happens.

    • now other people are telling me to let her initiate, because I was the one always taking her out and helping her out when she was sick and i should wait and see if she really wants me

  • she's very scared

  • She sounds very confused with herself, and this makes it really hard on her, and on you as well. You seem like you really like her and you seem like such a great guy for respecting her desires, so I think she'll turn around and start to become very comfortable with you. A week is a long time for no communication though, I'd say if she doesn't contact you within the next couple days you'll need to contact her to meet up. Seems like you guys have a very honest relationship already (which is amazing) so you should talk about it honestly.


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