How to tell when a guy is genuinely interested and not just saying things I want to hear?

Essentially the question. How can I tell when a guy is really truly interested in me, and not just saying things to make me think he is?

I feel like players come on really strong in the beginning to make the girl feel liked and special and I've fallen victim to this before.

The good ones are really convincing! At least to me.

How can I tell when a guy is really Into me and looking to date me seriously, rather than just telling me lies to build my trust and get me into bed?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I feel like players come on really strong in the beginning to make the girl feel liked and special" That is exactly what they do. They are often so cheesy it is hard to understand how any girl could even fall for it.

    It isn't about what the guy says. It is about the man's actions. What does he do to show you he cares about you, and makes you a priority in his life.

    • His actions were good In the beginning too. He made so much time for me and showed so much interest. Also wasn't that physical in the beginning at all! He must have been a very experienced one

    • In the beginning people always act better. It takes time before they feel comfortable enough to reveal their true self.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • The time and effort. I doubt someone would do that for 2months +


What Girls Said 2

  • Here's how you know... A player will only come to you for sex. That means he will expect to get it and push for it fairly quickly.
    So, what do you do? You tell them up front that you're looking for something serious and long term with commitment involved and you will not have sex until you feel comfortable to take it the next step. Once you say it, you need to stick by your word. Dont get me wrong you can still go out and have fun but not get physical. The player will try multiple times to change your mind with various manipulating techniques but you should hold your guns.

    Once The player tries a few times and its not going anywhere, he will not like that and will drop off the face of the earth. Good riddance! He can go find someone else to use NOT YOU.

    Hold out for the right guy, you know, the guy who will wait until you are ready and not push you. The guy that respect you and provide love, protection and affection.

    This may take a while and you may feel that your dating pool will get very scarce but in the long run it will save you from heartbreak.

    • You exactly described my previous situation. I handled it the exact same way. I'm proud of myself for it but I also feel like I wasted my time. If I could have seen he was a player to begin with i could have saved whatever time I did spend with him:

      I made it clear upfront that I'm Saving my virginity and looking for a serious relationship and he was manipulative enough to act like he would be okay with waiting and also that he was looking for something serious

    • Show All
    • Not all guys who push for sex are players. They are just more experienced, they know that if there is no physical escalation they will be friendzoned or the girl will move on.

      And the ones that don't push for it are definitely inexperienced.

      But I guess the players will all be part of that 'experienced' group you mentioned. Just keep in mind you will also be turning down non- 'players'.

    • Well I think he was a player because he knew I didn't want to get physical at all and yet he pushed it on me extremely quickly. He did it in a really manipulative and sneaky way, it creeps me out

  • You can tell by their coarse of actions over an extended period of time. Don't give in and see if he continues to pursue you and show that he cares. That's how you pick out the weeds.

    • No way to tell earlier on, really? Took me a about a month and a half to fully figure it out with this guy. I just could have spent my time in so much better ways

    • Usually, if a guy comes on strong towards the beginning, he does with every one else too, unfortunately. It's best to not spend a lot of time with someone at the preliminary stages for the "I could have spent my time in mo much better ways", and the fact that it usually creates more interest in males.

    • Good call :) then I can kind of test that guy out and see how much effort he's willing to put in when he can't try to get physicsl

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