He likes me but he loves me not?

I said I love you to my boyfriend 8 months after we started dating. He responded with an "aww" and a hug. I was fairly disappointed but thought perhaps he wasn't ready. I would occasionally text or message him goodnight with a "love you". So far I have said "I love you" to him in person twice and he still hasn't said those three words in this two year relationship. We have had a conversation about love before we officially date and he knows I would never say the word "love" to people unless I truly mean it. I have also thought about bringing this issue up and talk to him about it. But I never did. Simply because I feel like once I bring up the issue, I will question his sincerity if he does say it. He might just say it just so I'd shut up.
I know for sure that he cares about me. However, my guy rarely shows affection to me in front of anyone. He once brushed my hand off his leg when we were sitting in a park. He was very uncomfortable and I was really hurt but didn't want him to know (I know I should have). He has only complimented me few times. I know he has never been an emotionally expressive guy. And I feel like everyone knows that I like/love him more than he does. I have been told that I have spoiled him bad in this relationship as I am always (or it seems like) the giver and my guy is taking it for granted. But I believe that a relationship is like a mirror. I try to be as supportive and caring as I can to my boyfriend because I can't expect him to do the same if I wasn't a good girlfriend to begin with. Right?
The entire "I love you" issue is starting to hurt and is making me really insecure. I have never been the needy type of girlfriend but I, as a girl, would like to be reassure sometimes. For the last couple times, I had to ask to make sure that he still likes me.
Am I over-reacting in this relationship? Am I thinking too much?


Most Helpful Guy

  • That is an unfortunate situation. You clearly love him, but he clearly does not love you back. And that can be very hard to deal with.

    However, the fact that he doesn't love you now does not mean that he can't love you ever. It can take guys a long time to hit the levels of emotional bonding needed to feel real love. A lot of guys won't really love a woman the way women tend to love guys until they are in their later 20s. And him not being in love with you doesn't mean he doesn't like you, and it doesn't mean that he can't be a good boyfriend, or remain faithful, or any of those things. It is actually better for you if he doesn't say he loves you if he doesn't, because in the long run that will just end up confusing you even more and making it even more difficult to understand what is really going on.

    Don't fall into the trap of 'if I do all these things, then he will love me.' It doesn't really work that way. What you need to start doing is communicating your emotional needs, and making sure he can fulfil them. Don't get too hung up on the word 'love', or even on the concept of love, even though it is a romantic notion. Worry about making sure your needs are met. If they are not, move on and find someone that can meet those needs. If they are being met, then don't worry about it. He may grow into the love. He may not. But you can enjoy the emotional support you need while you grow and learn more about yourself. Always be working to further your own development as a person, to better understand what it is that YOU want, what makes YOU happy, so that you can surround yourself with people that match those requirements.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • This is going to be hard but you have to sit him down and ask him right out if he loves you. Then ask him why he does what he does ( be specific). Tell him how you felt/feel. Its the only way sweety pie. I hope things work out though.

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