Why do men shut down?

Why do men shut down in a relationship. Reasons I feel like he is shutting down is because decrease in sex, and doesn't show much love as much. We fight quite a bit and I have told him thay sometimes I'm not happy with him and I have thought about breaking up if he doesn't treat me better and show he loves me. Could this be a reason n maybe he is hurt because of it? Or maybe he is losing interest or cheating?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am sure there is more to this story, but going by what little you have told me, I don't blame him. Any man would shut down, or lose interest after a while if that is how the relationship has been. It sounds like you are going out of your way to destroy the relationship, and he is responding like any man would. This is what he hears when you say those things to him. "I don't like who you are, and that makes me unhappy. If you don't become someone else, I am going to dump you. Your happiness doesn't matter to me." The fights you have only reinforce this mindset.

    If he is as bad as he would need to be to justify you saying those things to him, then you shouldn't be so worried about him losing interest in the relationship. So I am going out on a limb and say he doesn't deserve you being so harsh with him. I realize I don't know the full story, but going by what you have described, that is what it sounds like to me.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Treat you better? Show you he loves you?

    Could you possibly be more nebulous?

    He shut down because he has no clue what he;s doing wrong- and if he does- he feels cornered to even try.

    You're flying across the board and jumping to conclusions. Cheating? Really? You need to grab hold of a big chunk of reality and stop bouncing off of the walls.

    Take a deep breath... Exhale, and close your eyes. Think of all of the things he has said and done that bother you. Then, TELL HIM. We cannot read your mind, and telling us we're not treating you right is nothing more than petty manipulation.

  • think of it as a dollar. he's spending his dollar on many things, how much of his dollar is he spending on you? if its not much then he's spending it on something else or someone else, possibly.
    70/100 - you (should be)
    30/100 - everything else

    40/100 - you (reality)
    50/100 - someone else (possibly)
    10/100- everything else

    • Well he just bought a new puppy for 500 and he calls me her momma. So it was nice I didn't have to pay for any of it which he mainly got it for hunting. And he also just bought a 2005 dodge pickup.

    • Show All
    • Well he has always wanted a hunting dog and he loves hunting. And his old pickup was going to shit. So he was ready for a new one. Could this maybe be whu he is doing this?

    • actually it seems like a good reason why he is. he just got new stuff that he likes, what do you do with new things that you like? you wanna invest all your time in them. he probably wants to stock up the new truck with bullets, guns, his dog and a chew toy for the dog and go hunting out in the woods or something. he's probably excited and is just dragging a little attention away from you. it'll go back to normal if this is the case, trust me.

  • "We fight quite a bit and I have told him thay sometimes I'm not happy with him and I have thought about breaking up if he doesn't treat me better and show he loves me."

    Boy, that line would REALLY make me want to love you even more.

    • Well he can be a jerk sometimes and I have told him before that he needs to change that. His dad and brother are the same way and their wives get sick of being treated like thay too. But he can be a sweetheart that's why I'm still with him

What Girls Said 1

  • have you ever heard of a book called 5 languages of love. It's perfect for you guys

    • No. Where can I find it

    • Bookshops, Internet, wherever u want. I truly believe you guys are having a communication problem. No worries, the book will help!