Hi everyone, im new on this board and ill need some advise?

I've been dating a 23 year old single mother, who has a 7 year old daughter. She s from poland but works in the same hotel as i do. Her ex is in jail, she is pretty much on her own. She is a really beautifull girl, but she is really weird at some times. we have dated for the month of july, we had a great time and i fell in love with her. we really liked each other, she told me, and she showed me more then once. we were intimate, but never had any real sexual intercourse. I've talked to her about it, but she didn't seem repliant. the 1st of August she went on a holiday back to poland, at her hometowen, visiting family and friends. in the beginning she was sending me pictures, hearts etc.. and gradually she got quiet. it was always her initiating contact in the beginning. well i didn't think too much of it, and wanted her to have a good time without me writing to much. we did call and write occasianally but it was me initiatin all contact. i really looked forward to her coming back, the day she came back, 18th of august, she told me we couldnt be together, by a whatsaap msg. no explenation nothing. trying to talk to her, was of no use. I tried several times, but she comes up with several excuses. she just wants to be friends, she finds communicating difficult because she mostly only speaks polish. or she just wants a polish guy, etc... or her daughter. never a straight forward answer. she acts cold and hot, looking at me, sometimes flirting with me and then she acts i dont even exist, and looks the other direction. She posted some sad stuff on facebook, and when i ask her, well wanna do something to get your mind of things, have fun, she says she isn't sad but just tired. she doesn't ignore me, we still talk, but these are very short conversations. I think it has something to do with her family and her daughter, because i really can't figure out, why she doesn't like me anymore all out of a sudden. didn't expect this, your thoughts please. she doesn't open up to me


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is one of those games men and women play. It's called the yo - yo game. The more she pushes you away the more you want her! You have become intrigued almost obsessed as to why she's not interested. Sadly if you want more from her then it's time to show her the same treatment. Ignore her. Don't pay any attention to what's going on in her life if she comes back to you then it worked, if it doesn't then she's not worth your time. There are plenty of women out there that want to be with a nice guy like yourself.

    • Thank you for your opinion. It does feel like she is tossing me around. I've never met a girl acting like this, i had several gf's but this is something new to me. Today i once more showed her my nice side, by giving her a letter, telling her if she needed relief, we can have a good time together. she posted this very sad picture on facebook, is says she is crying from the inside, and Sunday i talked to her about her and me, so in this letter i dropped by today, i also apoligized to her for that selfish act, and told her she can contact me, and that i can fully understand she needs some time. now she is telling me she isn't sad, just tired. so i texted her back. Ok... im happy you aren't sad :) i have 2 days off now, so im gonna have a great time. i wish she could be sincere about her feelings as she used to be. i have no idea what happened why she is acting so different from July. i hope things get better between us,

    • im not gonna write her anymore or far less, maybe not at all till she has her birthday, i just told her im gonna have a great time and thats it, ... sometimes its like she is checking upon my moves, she sees me online on whats app, she gets online, at exactly the same time, or she is looking me in the eyes without smiling, or then she flirts with me , just later to give me short answers on fb messenger. i wish she just could be sincere with herself and me, i do want a relationship with her. she needs to open up her hearth and leave those idiots beside her, she needs a real guy, someone who treaths her with respect and is there for her. i hope she gets herself together , because i do like her a lot

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What Girls Said 2

  • It's hard to say.. Maybe she met another guy so she's friend-zoning you.. The possibilities are endless.. But what you do need to do is move on & not play the game, or chase her, or let her screw with you head. If someone wants to be with you, they'll find a way, if not, they'll find excuses. Good luck man!

    • I really dont know what it is, she texted me the day she got back, that we can't be together, for various reasons every time i ask her. we do have contact. she keeps messing with me, it's like she wants to keep an eye on me but at the same time keep a distance. then we are sending messages and she is sending me messages from these weird locations,... If i ever find out, she has just bin toying with me for the month of july, she will find out she made a HUGE mistake. If she likes men who treath her badly, then she will be suprised how viscious i can be. In general im a nice guy, but i do have agressive tendencies. I did punch holes in doors, im very agressive when driving. I really dont want to be like that, but playing mind games are dangerous games, i really hope, this isn't all true. It felt like her feelings towards me were mutual. i really can't figure out were it went wrong. she has a lot of emotional baggage. i hope things get ok again, i stop playing

    • the thing that bothers me the most, is she kept dry humping me, i touched her and she did like that, she wasn't really telling me not to, so it seemed to be ok with her. she touched me as well shortly, but when i brought up the discussion that we could actually have sex, i know she was interested. she withhold it from me and brought up the pill, as some sort of excuse. sex isn't so important for me, but when you make someone so wild for sex, i find it cruel, no idea what her intentions were... she really enjoyed the physical contact, initiating it always herself. but yet doesn't want sexual intercourse whats up with that...

  • There is probably someone else, she is interested in, besides you. Possibly polish.

    • yeah one of her excuses, was that we had a language problem, were i see none, and that she wanted a polish guy. The problem is, i fear she will never be completely honest with me. I really can't figure out , why she goes so cold on me. sometimes she does stear me deep in my eyes, but only when others can't see it. i reallz can't figure out what her problem is, i didn't upset her, i did treath her with respect. and i most certainly do not deserve any of this, i can't do anything at all, i dont even know if its a great idea, to buy her a gift for her birthday, i wanted to give her this canvas with a pic from her and her daughter, as a memory of this years vacation, money isn't the isue, but i dont feel like she isn't even worth my kind gesture. i end up giving it anyway just for my own sanity, knowing i did everything i could to show her i care about her. i can't figure out life anymore, nothing makes sense.

    • Probably a language barrier

What Guys Said 1

  • Something happened in Poland and all we can do is speculate.
    It could be her parents objecting, rumors about you , her family needing her for "help" , or someone threatening her or her family or old mistakes biting back. You know her best and unless you know the root of the problem , we can't really help but guess.

    • thanks for your comment, you seem to understand my dilemma. She really doesn't tell me why, some people say she is just playing with my feelings, but i really dont want to judge her based on what others say. She is single, and sometimes i think she is trying to get back those years when she was 16 and became mother. no more partying etc.. i hope she realizes that she needs some stability but for now i think she doesn't know what she wants. i really can't figure out what is wrong with her, what can i do. i just want it to rest, and maybe see her within a few weeks time again. in about 2 weeks she has her birtday, which she wants to celebrate on her own as well. ''alone'' i want to print this picture from her and her daughter, during their holiday on canvas. im the only one who has this picture she never publicated it on her facebook. am i just to nice for her, knowing she is used to being treathen so badly, what can i do...

    • nothing.
      This is an internal battle with her past and her demons.
      There is nothing you can do and hope she wins.