Do I Have Any Chance? Depressed Over Crush?

Sorry for the long read, and thanks in advance!

I've been crushing on a girl for a while now, and I am just coming to the realization that she is not into me. I'm really late when it comes to dating (20), and she was the first really big crush I had. She was far from the best looks, but I still think she is the cutest, most beautiful girl, with a perfect personality and smile.

You can read some of my other posts for some more background about this girl, but basically, she NEVER initiated, did not always reply, etc. But, she kept me hanging because of her great smile, perfect eye contact, questioning, and genuine interest. But, she would never make any special effort to hang out with me (only when it was super easy for her after me asking multiple times).

I don't think she ever had a BF, and she is very shy. But, I found out over the summer she initiated several trips with her girlfriends, and they got together a lot. That tipped me off something was odd.

Recently, we have been spending TONS of time together, and I have been sucking at showing interest - especially today, she was really depressed, and she almost ignored me when I tried to cheer her up or show sympathy.

I still get mixed messages - I have been helping her with a class and she does not seem to mind when I lean in REALLY close or touch her a little (hand, brush against arm, etc.) But, I think I see the issue: she loves it when I follow her and give attention, but has no desire to initiate on her own.

I am really bad at showing romantic interest - I grew up in a conservative house, where sex talk never happened. I do get really uncomfortable, and I think this does block me from being more assertive. I am working on this.

I know I have no chance, and I know I just need to get over it an move on, but I can't just abandon this girl. I still love every second I spend with her, and we hang out in the same spot at school.

Do I stand any chance? What can I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey man, I looked at your other post and this one and I have to say that you dug yourself into a bad hole that will be tough to climb out of if at all. The more time you spend with her without making a move, the more likely you are to be friend zoned. It's a tough situation, and i don't want to stress you out or make you depressed by telling you this but, if she thinks you're boring (only talk about school) then it's unlikely that she is attracted to you.

    This is already a pretty doomed situation, but not much more you can do now that you should have done sooner. So it's better to stop prolonging this and make a move as soon as possible. Don't tell her how you feel. That will pressure her and push her away unless she has already showed you she's interested in you and even then it's not a good idea until she's already your GF. It's more likely to work when girls do it, but not guys. Just ask her for her number and take her on a date. Don't go to the movies because you sit there quietly too long and things can get awkward. Coffee date first, or a walk in the park or something where you can both talk. If you hit it off, you can have different kind of dates like dinner or something. If not just move on.

    If she doesn't give you the number, she's not interested and you need to move on. If she flakes on you after giving you the number she's not interested and you need to move on. If you call her, she answers, but rejects your offer and doesn't counter offer, she's not interested and you need to move on.

    The thing to learn from this is you need to make a different impression on girls from the beginning. Take them out sooner, don't get too emotionally invested in them too early either. Also, if you don't want to actually have to use your personality to attract them all the time, it might be a good idea fix the way you dress, carry yourself with confidence, maybe work out and put on some muscle. Then they'll be crushing on you instead.

    • Thanks man for your post. Actually, I already have the girl's number, she readily gave it to me. When I first met her, I really did a GREAT job keeping the conversation interesting, we didn't even talk about school. I tried asking her out three times over the summer. Lunch went fine once, but then she was on vacation the other two times - maybe just bad luck, but still. Ironically, despite her lack of interest throughout, she has been more open with me recently. She even invited me to sit down with her girlfriends the other day. The only positive thing I can think of is that maybe she is a little scared since I have been slightly touchy/close the past few days, or maybe she has just been having a bad week (actually, I think she was almost crying when she got a text today, I asked her if she was ok and she said yes, but I think she was just saying that). Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see, and try to get he out for lunch. Thanks man.

    • Well man, this isn't the best situation. Ideally, she should be giving you IOIs (indicators of interest) which would give you no doubt that she's interested. But if we give her benefit of doubt; she's interested in you but doesn't know how to express it giving you mixed signals. By opening up and bringing you close to her friends, she's trying to include you in her inner circle and hopefully send you the proper signals. Devil's advocate; she's turning you into a friend by including you into her circle of girlfriends. Most girls would want to keep the guy they're interested to themselves until he's the BF. 2 things you can do: 1- Stop being touchy/close and see if by stopping, she tries to get closer to you in order for you to get touchy again, and if she does, she's interested. 2- Skip 1 and just ask her out. Don't share your feelings and pick something where you guys can talk, but also have fun. Like mini-golf, or go carting, amusement parks, etc. Avoid group dates. Just you 2.

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  • Hoooly shit, it was like reading about myself haha! We're even the same age lol~ except a few parts it's the same xD anyway I think all you really can do is step it up and tell you how you feel and bite the bullet if she say no. Or just wait for more obvious signs even they may never come at all, and then it's been a waste of time.

    • Thanks! You are probably right. I can't just tell her how I feel, as we have a few mutual friends who don't even know I like her, and we hang out in the same spot, so my losses are really bigger than my gains, considering the lack of interest I'm getting from her. I really love spending time with her, though. Maybe I could make myself more distant like all of those friend zone strategies (or are they really just a waste of time)?

  • well this reminds me of my crush with a girl.. back then you would call her normal girl heading to slutty... she may be too shy to initiate a conversation or she maybe want to play with you... sorry to say that although i dont know if its true or not. anyways why dont you make a move? ask her on a date, see how it goes and maybe you will end up together. if you want you can message me. i have lots of free time so i can help you.. been at your position a few times.