Is it bad that I don't want to settle for less intimacy than what I had in a previous relationship?

I dated the BEST guy. He ended up dumping me and I was really sad. I've dated other guys sine then, but the package just never seems complete. Not that I'm comparing all these guys, but I was really happy with this one guy and I want that kind of happiness back. Is it bad that I don't want to settle for less? I mean, this guy was well rounded, smart, kind, good looking, he understood my moods and personality... So far I can find guys that are smart, but don't get me, guys that are smart, but aren't well rounded. I definitely want to date a smart guy so I've kept that up, but I can't find anything that completes the package so to speak. At least nothing like this other guy.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It isn't bad that you want the same level of intimacy, but you may need to keep looking for a long time or sacrifice your standards in some other ares, such as appearance or wealth. For example you might find a guy that you connect with, but may not be as attractive as your ex was. If that happens you either need to be accept that, or be alright with staying single, while you keep looking. There is no telling how long it might take to find a person that is everything you want.

    • Yeah. I think I just need to keep being single. I mean, I could settle for these guys, but there would always be that pull feeling that I just don't quite like them THAT much... which just seems wrong to me.

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    • Yes there are other guys like that, but finding one that is single, likes you back, and has all of the other traits you are looking for that you didn't mention could take a long time to find. There are also men that have other valuable traits you don't know about yet, that could make up for a lack in certain traits. I think the real problem is you are still hung up on your ex, and not appreciating the traits other men have.

    • I don't know if I'm still hung up on him. I don't think so. It was SO long ago. I've even dated other guys since then. Actually, I did date a guy since then that I really really liked too. The relationship just wasn't as long or significant so I don't think about it as much. He was a good guy too though.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It does sound suspiciously like you are comparing; better watch out for that, because if you're still feeling something for the ex, you may be sabotaging chances with others.

    • However, when it comes to having what you need, don't settle.

    • (if that is the ex, then you need to get him back or else, forget that package and start afresh)

    • I don't think getting back together with the ex is ever ever ever going to be a possibility. I don't think I still have feelings for him, but I think there were a lot of things I liked about him.

What Girls Said 1

  • There's no shame in having standards. However, you could look for other merits in other guys that your previous man may not have been the bomb in. Was he a musician? If not, maybe you'll find someone who could play guitar. Did he cook well? If not, try to aee that in another guy who'd be willing to whip you up a meal. It wouldn't be settling, simply focusing on other merits that fit your same level of criteria, like talent or compassion.

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    • Don't worry dear. Now you have open eyes to see the potential in other men.

    • Yeah. It's hard not to settle though. Who doesn't crave just a little human touch every once and a while haha